Response to "Don't know how to cope"

[ChocolatChip]

Sorry, it won't let me answer onto the question I posted-
I’ve had ongoing anxiety problems and depression for several years now. And I am seeing a psychiatrist now, but I felt like I was getting better, so I only see him every 8 weeks at the moment, and I would have called to see him, but there’s no such thing as emergency appointments at the clinic I go to, it takes forever to get appointments there.
It always seems that whenever I think I’m recovering and actually getting somewhere in my life, everything goes wrong again.
I just lost my job (although it is only part-time) which is awful, because I’m helping paying for a flat along with my parents and my fiancée, and now I feel guilty that I cannot provide any money towards it until I find a new job.
I also just found out that I can’t get into the university I dreamt of going to with the course I’m doing, and I’m devastated that nothing’s going the way I planned.
It’s so important not to lose my license, as I didn’t mention before, my partner has epilepsy, recently diagnosed and he lost his license in October 2008 because of his fits. It really sent him spiralling down because he felt he lost his independence and didn’t know if he could ever return to the job that he adored. The only way I now feel I can make him feel better is by being able to take him to the job he loves. And if I can’t do that, then what kind of fiancée am I?

[sara3]

I think you have to separate "can't" from "won't". some things are just out of your control (as we all find out) and you have to stop being hard on yourself.

don't be "devastated" that things aren't working the way you hoped. be annoyed, be angry, be upset, but nothing is life-threatening or the end of the world.

check out what benefits are available to you. pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start afresh in your search for a job and a course. you'll look back one day and see they were just blips. best of luck x

[jno]

You're an overworked fiancee - but that's not your fault. Wise advice from sara3: there are things you can control and things you can't. There's certainly a lot landed on your plate just recently, and no wonder you feel your life is in a mess. But one thing at a time. For a start, don't panic over the driving: just keep half an eye on the speedo at all times, take your time, set out early (one of the benefits of not working!), don't let other drivers rush you. Though it's spooking you, it's probably the one thing that is totally within your control. With the job, well, who knows how long that will take - it's very hard to predict, but many people are out of work, it's to do with recession, it's not because the universe has got it in for you personally. As for the university, have you considered other options open to you? Other courses, other universities?

I can see why all these things are weighing on your mind. But remember one thing: it's not about you. You aren't failing in anything. You are being buffeted by external circumstances. It must be very hard work for you, but you have no cause to blame yourself.

[karenmac60]

On a practical note - when you have a panic attack and feel your breathing getting out of control you're best to breathe into a paper bag. I f you can't do this (eg when driving), try to keep your mouth closed and only breathe through your mouth. I have a friend who is plagued by attacks - often when driving - and she swears by this.

[Scarlett]

It also sounds a bit like you are focussing on the negative things in your life far more than the positive. Think of all the GOOD things in your life- the health you have, family, fiancee, your talents, the fact that you can drive! Yes, you lost your job, but there are many other jobs in your future. Be positive- see this as a welcome break! The university- why could you not get in? There are again, many amazing courses. It is a shame about your fiancees epilepsy- could he not get some assistance to get to work- for example, I can't walk, so I get "Access to Work" from the JobCentre Plus. Basically they get you a taxi to work and back in order that you can keep working and keep being independent. You just pay for the equivalent cost of public transport. (ie- 25 mile journey on a bus).

http://www.jobcentreplus.gov.uk/JCP/Customers/outofworkhelplookingforwork/Getting_job_ready/Programmes_to_get_you_ready/Dev_014875.xml.html

I am certain he would qualify, and this would free up your time and reduce the amount of stress you are under. xx