He always cancels our date!

[sam100]

So had this friend who I have known for ages and we have just decided to start dating. Went on the first date which was fine. Spoken on the phone, emailed and sent texts since. Approximately 10 times we have organised to meet up he has had to cancel. Mostly due to his job.

Its him who suggests the day/time of our dates so i feel that he shouldnt make plans if he cannot keepthe time free. What i feel is also a bit rude as rather than phone to appologise he texts and says sorry.

Eg. i text this PM about going out tomorrow and have had a reply to say sorry cant make it. Dubious as to when he would have told me otherwise.

Am i being too harsh? Should i just put up with it if his job is agency work. He says he hasnt had work for two weeks?! (yep he's really making the effort).

I'm just wondering if i should call him and tell him to sling his hook. Its a shame as he was a friend long before we decided we wanted to date each other.

[suzie1]

chuck him? he doesnt want to date you, thats how it seems, sorry love, plenty more fish in the ocean. x

[sam100]

That was my instinct. But he keeps assuring me that im getting the wrong impression and doesnt see why i'm questioning it! Not a good start and to be honest i am thinking that it seems to much agro. Not very romantic at all.

[ummmm]

So you've only been out with him once?

Over what period of time?

[Panic Button]

He's married

[sam100]

The last proper time we had quality time together was at the end of september when we went out to dinner. I drove and paid for the meal. In all fairness he says that he should of paid but he was outside having a cigarette at the time. Sounds bad doesnt it?

Thinking of just saying 'actually you did me a favour as im going to the cinema instead now with friends.' What do you think??

[sam100]

Ps. No he's not married (i have known him about 8/9 years)

[Panic Button]

Tell him it's not working, and see his reaction.

[snags]

As sh1tty as this sounds... it sounds like he's just not as interested in you as you are him...

[suzie1]

He must be seeing someone else, or hes gay, or hes an escort(explains why hes always cancelling on you) arrange a date with him at a time you want and cancel it last minute, see how he feels

[sam100]

Definately none of those Suzie1.

I only live in a little town where everyone knows everyone. Also as mentioned before i have known this person for 8/9 years already. He just seems to live for his work. He doesnt like not working (mad i know) and he does do agency work which he has to take when it comes up.

I have organised things with him before but he has cancelled them too at the last minute. He is very appologetic in the texts and then if i say (like i did today) "hang on a min you cancel everything and you shouldnt make arrangements if you cant keep them". if i really liked someone i would have turned down the work.

Have just text him to say its not working out and have made other plans but he acts as if i am being unreasonable and that i should just put up with it. Yet he wants a relationship but his actions are showing the opposite. Very bizarre.

[snags]

''Yet he wants a relationship''

On his own terms... not ideal is it...

[AB Editor]

Definitely let him know you are happy making other plans. While it sounds like he's in a little of a sticky place with work/money, there's always options, you know? I can't take you to dinner, but meet me for coffee later... I can't go to the cinema, but how about you come over and we'll watch a show after I get off work...

He's got time; it's just not traditional "date" time. But if he wants to see you, he'll find a way.

EveEd

[suzie1]

good thinking ed. anyway do you love him or anything

[sam100]

Thanks everyone.

Yes, I do have feelings for him but am starting to put my guard up as I think i am being messed around.

[Dee Sa]

sorry but you should have learnt your lesson when you paid for the meal and did the driving too, there must have been plenty of time for him on the way back to offer to pay at least half.
Tell him you have met someone else who does not mess you about and dont answer his calls.