Any suggestions please?

[truffles]

I met a lovely man who i eventually married and since we married he's become less attentive. I can understand the spark can go but life has come to a grinding halt since we got married, he was a batchelor before and was very active (sports, keeping fit, sociable etc) now he just can't be bothered. Getting him to motivate him is a downward stuggle.
i own my house and had been renovating it over the past few years, Since we married he's made it difficult for me to continue this, stating my ideas won't work, will cost too much, and basically digging his heals in. He just sits around the house when he's not at work and does nothing (but tells everyone he's very busy) He's also very thoughtless, my daughter goes to bed earlier than us but he continues to close doors making noise and banging about the house and clattering loft hatch, using electric shaver at 11pm next to her room, clattering ironing board at 11.30pm and then continues till after midnight in bathroom banging and clattering about. So one night she was not here, so i did the same to him. Till 3.30am (yes he's done that a couple of times to us when we have to get up) He was furious, packed a few things and left for a few days. He soon saw the error of his ways and came back promising he'd do anything to make amends and we'd continue with the house to sell it. Anyway, after this few weeks he's back to his old self, but denies he's disturbing us, and no he's not sat doing nothing all day on his day off (no evidence to show what he's doing) and all the great ideas he's thought of to finish the house and not made any start with, or done the plans for which was part of the promise when he came back have now all been denied he even suggested them. Now we've had an offer on the house i'm not sure i want to be tried financially with him in another derelict house with him doing bugger all again. I took years on my own to get this house in a livable state and it's ground to a halt since he's been here,

[truffles]

Part of the plan was for him to help finish this and it would be his contributuion to the next house (he's paid nothting to this one|)

[truffles]

What i want to know is why does he behave like this? he was very thoughtfull up until we married now he's turned into a lazy slob, draggs his heals at everything, makes me late for everything (yes i have left him behind) no matter how much things i sort for him he just lets everything slide then has me sorting things out for him, which i now refuse to do. Why make promises and appologise for the way he treats us because he would not like them doing to him, when he returns after a few weeks back to his usual moody, stroppy self, if he does not want to be here then why the hell come back?

[redcrx]

if he constantly lets you down after promising he will help then why allow him back?

[cazzz1975]

he might be depressed, seems strange to go from being fairly active to slovenly in a relatively short time.

[tamborine]

Dont risk an investment with him unless he gives equal proportion.

[truffles]

As a fool i thought id get back the man i met, he was a go getter when i met him we did alsorts together, then after a few months his behavour changed we were married then, i have spoken to him about it all, just says he's never changed but not just me who noticed he's behaved strange with his friends and family, once drove over an hour to his brothers for him to moan and complain and drive like a mad man only to get there and i was abandoned in the middle of knowwhere as not enough seats in the car for him to do a job for his brother. why did he insist on me going with him? then be nasty to me. as soon as anyone else around he's as nice as pie.

[redcrx]

cazzz, its not been that sudden.
http://www.theanswerb...Question621750-1.html

[truffles]

Cazz - yes was my thought. Has suggestion doc's but he's not having it. Tamborine - this is what i fear, i know i can manage in this one and it's all mine. Just don't understand why he's changed like this, he chased me for months and would never leave my side and could not do enough for me and was so loving and thoughful. and attentive, now i don't even know if he's home from work as he just ignores me when he comes in even when i go to him. It's like once the interview and probabtion period is over and he's got the contract he can expect to just chill and leave everythng up to everyone else.

[cazzz1975]

maybe the job change he made (to suit him because he was married) has made him unhappy?, looking at your last post he seemed to go downhill from there..

[truffles]

red, yes. he did improve for a while after that. think i have run out of options now, just keep thinking am i doing something wrong? he feels like a dead weight. stopped looking forward to weekends. prefer to be at work (i have a crap job too, but good team to work with) am i missing something here? why is he deliberatly making us both (daughter and me) miserable?

[truffles]

He had the chance last year to go back to his old job, but with a different team. He though about it for so long they got someone else, i have told him if the job is so bad then do something else. He did have a tendancy to complain about his old job (when he was still there) then when he changed job he said how better the old job was. given him so many chances can't keep carrying him and just working backwards. his family gave him alot of grief when he left told him to do what it takes to win me back. But somehow it did not last long.