How should I tackle this dilemma?

[LadyGooGaa]

Hi

I’m 48 years old, and single with no children (reasons will become clearer). Some 15 years ago I ended my relationship with my long-term boyfriend because he didn’t want to have children, and I did. Since then I flitted from one relationship to another but never really found anyone special to settle down with. Last year I contacted my ex-boyfriend via a networking site. He’s now living in Canada and is happily settled there (when I say settled, I mean that he has a good job, earning a decent wage, has a nice home, and a great social life – he is still single). I’ve been to visit him 3 times and he’s been over to see me. We have kind of touched upon our feelings for each other, but generally I tend to avoid discussing our feelings, because once our true feelings are out in the open, I feel that a decision would have to be made as to what direction our relationship should take. I know he would never return to the UK permanently, so it would be up to me to go and live in Canada. Though part of me would love to be with him on a more permanent basis, I feel really uneasy about leaving my family behind. Well, actually, my family only consists of my sister, who I love dearly, and am very close to. My sister is in her 40’s and is also still single. She doesn’t have a wide circle of friends, and her social life basically revolves around me. I know she would miss me alot if I moved to Canada, and I would feel very bad about that. I’m in limbo at the moment and don’t know what to do for the best. I realise that I have to make my own decisions but any thoughts would be much appreciated.

[sara3]

your sister needs to become more independent from you, and you're entitled to be happy...

[boxtops]

I'm with sara on this one - if you think you and your bf can make a go of it, you have to go - otherwise you may regret it for the rest of your life. What if you didn't go, and then your sister met someone - how would you feel if you'd passed this up?

[LadyGooGaa]

Thanks for your replies. My friends also say that I should follow my heart. I just feel so guilty at the thought of it. I know my sister wants me to be happy.. she's not selfish or bad in any way - just very shy.

[tastymorsel]

go for it.it may be the making of your sister.she will then maybe find a life of her own

[1955]

Take your sister with you

[tastymorsel]

i will be your sisters friend. i an also very shy, that is why i dont come on here very often

[LadyGooGaa]

lol.... she definately wouldn't move to Canada! She's quite stuck her ways. Though I think tastymorsel is right.. it would probably give her the kick up the backside that she needs.

[LadyGooGaa]

Aaahh tastymorsel (btw I like your username!)... I know it's not nice being shy.

[tastymorsel]

Tell her that you love her (which she probably knows anyway)but you want to grab this chance.she is your sister she loves you she wants what is best for you.put boot on other foot isnt that what bwhat you would want if it was her???

[cherrychapstick]

well i think you should go for it......you have wasted 15 years of your life not being with the one person in your life that you obviously love ...does he still not have any children?

[LadyGooGaa]

No he doesn't have any children, and like me he flitted from one relationship to another. His longest relationship since being with me was 6 months.

[cherrychapstick]

well go for it then .....i wish you the best of luck ...as for your sister just tell her like it is you have been apart from your ex for 15 years and you should never have broke up ...i am sure she will understand

Cherry xx

[bednobs]

i think you are jumping way ahead of yourself.

[zzxxee]

why not tryit for say 6 months first, your sister can always have a long holiday with you would your boyfriend consider moving to the uk?

[bobjugs12]

You've got no ties that can't be reworked and no reason to stay.
If you can afford it thn go. Even if things don't work out with him; enjoy the country, travel the wilderness; and do the things you've always wanted. Live the dream whilst you still can

[zbearspirit]

Hi As a bloke I am thinking that you may be pre empting your boyfriends true feelings for you. I understand your feelings but if he wanted you to be with him permanently then he would have asked you. I suspect that he may like things as they are and may not want to commit. My advice is to wait until he asks you, if it didn't work in the past what makes you think it is going to work now. Seeing you now and then is much different to living with each other every day. Make sure he wants you before you think of anything else.

[VespeR007]

The course of true love never runs smooth, but Im such a softie where love is concerned and you have one crack at it, make it count, you have to be a bit selfish here and think of yourself....your happiness, it seems like you are taking everyones feelings into account instead of what you really want..if you really really love him, then go to where he is...and be happy, it sounds to me as if you deserve some happiness, dont stay for your family's sake, i know you are all close, but you have to ask yourself what YOU want. Oh and please please do talk this through with this guy first, its a long way to move if it doesnt work out.....good luck ! ! Follow your heart. x

[LadyGooGaa]

Zbearspirit.. thanks, it's always good to get a man's take on these kind of things. You may very well be right...... he may not want me around as a permanent fixture. O well, time will tell....

[LadyGooGaa]

Bednobs... I take it you're thinking along the same lines as zbearspirit?

[society]

zbearspirit makes much sense to me. I agree with his comment.