Am I being unreasonable?

[Jeffju]

My partner's daughter went abroad a few months ago to travel for approx 18 mnths with her boyfriend. I also have grown up children so I know how much he misses her and they have a very close relationship.

He has said he would like to go and meet up with her but as we have other holidays planned together this year and I work full time it would be difficult for us both to go.

Why do I feel so hurt by this? I have no problem with understanding his longing to see her, I can't understand my reaction, lots of people have 'separate' times.

[ummmm]

Because you can't go and deep down you want to...

I hate my OH going away without me. I don't stop him or give him any hassle but he knows it makes me jealous because I want to be having a good time as well :-)

[4getmenot]

If I was in that situation I'd let him go. You say you're hurt by it rather than miss him. Do you resent him for it? Let him go if you dont you will feel very selfish, if you are going to be together forever whats a week or so.

[Panic Button]

Simple answer - yes.

[bobjugs12]

Sorry jeffju, but yeah, you are being unreasonable.
I could elaborate as to why, but I don't think I need to.

[jackthehat]

Top marks for realising that your feelings may be irrational. :o)

You need to shift the focus a little;
How long is he going for ?
Try and arrange to do things purely for 'you' during this period. Are there friends whom you could visit (the ones that he pulls a face at when you mention them) ?
Rent a stack of DVD's - the ones he fidgets all the way through.
Invite your children over for supper more often............or go to them.
Go to the pictures on your own..........

Try and draw up a list of 'positive' things you can do..........and very soon you'll be itching for him to go away. :o)

And remember the old C&W song "How can I miss you when you won't go away ?" :o)

[Jeffju]

Well I agree, I shall feel worse if he doesn't go, I'm not a selfish person, it feels awful both ways.

Thanks for helping me come to terms with it.

[ummmm]

I think it's perfectly normal to feel like that.

[4getmenot]

its normal to miss someone. just make sure you enjoy time on your own.

[ummmm]

See....I don't miss him when he's away. I just don't like the thought that he's having a better time than me...lol...he's cool though and phones me pretending he's having a crap time. Then tells me the truth when he gets back after he's given me a present :-))

[Jeffju]

Oh yes he will send photos online and call lots - it will be good for us if he goes in the long run - I'm wise enough to know I may need to spend some time with one of my children when they need me one day! I go from one opinion to another all the time in my head, we are all so different, some people wouldn't give it a second thought I suppose but no-one likes that 'left behind' feeling.

[ummmm]

That's all it is and completely understandable. No one wants to be left behind. You sound like you have a healthy relationship....

[trt]

You don't have to rely on just photos online and calls, you could see them both on a web-cam and chat.

[4getmenot]

am I weird then that I dont mind being left behind as it gives me time to see and spend time with all my mates. I went away for a week and didnt even ring my bloke. But that was more if I rang him I would get upset and start missing him.

[society]

Jeffju, I mean this in a good way - I think you're jealous of the daughter because you know she and dad has a strong father / daughter bonding relationship especially since daughter was 'in the picture' before you.

(Jealous might sound harsh but couldn't think of a 'softer' word at the moment.)