am i over the worst bit?

[OLIVIA26]

its now been nearly 2 weeks since i ended a dead end relationship with my partner (despite loving him) my pain has been hard but as each day passes i feel a little brighter and stronger, does this mean i've gone through the worst part? (we used to text each other all day and my phone is very quiet these days, yet it doesnt hurt as much when a text comes through and its not him) also when he said he most definately wasnt looking for another woman, i don't know why he said this, any ideas? because i feel bad thinking, well, it IS another man i want...someday, yet i feel guilty for feeling this way when he said he doesnt want another woman. Is this just me? any advice would be welcome, x

[jno]

possibly; but it's a bit like giving up smoking, the first few days are really hard, it gradually gets easier... BUT it's always possible to relapse, you are seduced by the smell of smoke... or in this case he could suddenly call you up and you might start faltering again. It's really quite a long term process as you're making a big change in your life. So it's probably not a good idea to tell yourself it's all over just yet; stay firm in your own mind.

[redman41]

You are slowly coming to terms with splitting up from your partner and if as you say it was a dead end relationship then you must move on.
It is too early for another serious relationship. If you meet another man you like then just be friends for a while without any serious stuff. It happened to me as I met someone on the rebound after I split up from my wife and that was a mistake. You have to go through a sort of grieving process first in order to clear your mind of the past and when you have done that then you can move on in a positive frame of mind.

[OLIVIA26]

hi there, yes i agree with both of your posts thanks:) I'm certainly not looking for another man just yet, i just wonder whether him saying i'm not looking for another woman was a form of him saying i hope you're not looking for another man. He and i were constantly making up and breaking up (we were apart for 2 months once) and i ALWAYS went back to him, so i'm in the mind of what if he just sees this as 'time out' with his children, he'll get bored then he'll try getting back into my life again with the hope i've not connected with another man. I am really trying to remain strong and am hopeful that if he does contact me again i will be stronger and say, im sorry, we have no future.The thought scares me.Its only since we broke up that MOST of my friends and family have said what a clever manipulator he was because im now so introverted and insecure i can't help but feel maybe they were right all along.

[redman41]

Follow your instincts OLIVIA26 and move on as your friends noticed a more subdued person when you were being manipulated by your Partner.
There is nothing to be gained by going back because if you were not happy initially then you will not be happy by returning to a dead end situation. Move on with your life even if you are hurting a little as eventually some time in the future you will be glad you moved on.
Good luck !

[OLIVIA26]

yes, you're right redman41, thankyou for your advice :)

[karenmac60]

You'll keep feeling better and stronger as time goes on, but there will be times when it hits you hard - anniversaries or when you hear something about him. But don't give in. I was married to a manipulator and when we split up we did a lot of to-ing and fro-ing over the years, and he always knew how to get round me. I eventually managed to find the strength to say 'no more' and move on with my life and I am so glad I did. It wasn't until years later that I realised just how manipulative he was and I still have a few hang ups about things because of him, but I'm getting there and you will too. His comment about not wanting another woman is just another way of manipulating you so that you'll feel guilty if you think about moving on. Be strong x

[OLIVIA26]

oh thankyou karenmac60, because i recognise his manipulative ways now~ in hindsight, i do know as you've already said, he's halting my moving on to another man because he's not looking for another woman. Very cleverly i think he's saying don't move on to another man until i've had time out. I intend to move on!just before i left him he said you'll have plenty of admirers and offers now won't you? i had the sense to not acknowledge that comment. He knows i have extremely low self esteem so i would never agree with that statement. I hope i am where you are one day, looking back at the fool that i once was. The heart is a powerful thing :(

[maplestar]

Stay strong. In time everything will work out for the best. You've just got to tell yourself you ended it for a reason and whatever that reason was it meant that love just wasn't enough for the two of you. I wish you all the best for the futue and eventually, the man that wins your heart will be very lucky to be with someone who knows what they want and how they deserve to be treated. You should not be too hard on yourself for feeling guilty - he is a person you still love and care about and it's understandable that you have emotions regarding him getting with somebody else... in time these will surely fade - especially as your life becomes preoccupied with other things. x