nice one minute. Verbally abusive next

[primrosea]

I have been seeing this man on and off for a while. He can be really lovely. But if things do not go his way, he gets very verbally agressive. Dumps me, then sends me nasty verbally abusive texts. Pointing out all my insecurites. A few days later, he is charming again. I am starting to worry if its me who is in the wrong. As he says, its the way I behave? which makes him act this way. I dont think I act badly at all. Some of the things he says to me via text are vile. He is 46 and I am 48. I have taken him back so many times. Do I stay away from him now? before he ruins my self esteem completely?

[missnemesis]

Seems like a no brainer to me primrosea, he's a tool and you're far better off without someone like that in your life.

[NoMercy]

He's a prick and you deserve far better. In fact, don't wait for something else to go wrong, dump him today and wipe that smug grin off his face !

[Sqad]

<<But if things do not go his way, he gets very verbally agressive. Dumps me, then sends me nasty verbally abusive texts. Pointing out all my insecurites. A few days later, he is charming again<<<

That is more common in relationships than you would think, but that doesn´t make him mental or a criminal, it¨s called having a row and is quite common in relationships

.<< As he says, its the way I behave? which makes him act this way.<<<

So how do you behave which he says upsets him?

He sounds as though he is insecure and thinks that he might lose you.

It´s a common situation, in my opinion and the choice is yours as to whether you walk away or weather the storms.

[Sqad]

MoM

<<<dump him today and wipe that smug grin off his face !<<<

Who said he had a "smug grin?"........you said that for effect rather than fact....;-)

[ummmm]

>>Pointing out all my insecurites.

That's disgusting. A decent person wouldn't do that to anyone let alone someone they are suppose to love..

>>He sends me texts of sexual things him and his ex used to get up to. Disgusting stuff really.

And you fall for his charms? What is charming about sending you sexual stuff that is aimed at making you even more insecure?

So every two weeks this person makes you unhappy. How many times a year is that?

[ummmm]

>>That is more common in relationships than you would think, but that doesn´t make him mental or a criminal, it¨s called having a row and is quite common in relationships

Sqad...surely you jest?

[Sqad]

ummmm....sometimes I do, but not in this case..........in my experience.

[Bobbisox]

In a nutshell...it's called
Power!!!
He feels he has power over you, he's probably a shivering mass with a bloke, he's a bully and you need to wake up and smell the coffee, you are 48 not 14
Bullys only prosper if they are allowed to
Good Luck

[NoMercy]

Yes I did, Sqad. :-)

[Sqad]

NoM...LOL...I love you.

[zzxxee]

You need to maybe look at the bigger picture do you think he could change with councilling ?
do you like him enough to try and work through his problems with him ? if yes then i would suggest he sees someone asap for the sake of your relationship.
If you dont see enough worth into the relationship to try this avenue then you need to let go immediatley and not waste anymore time x good luck !!!!

[ummmm]

Pointing out someones insecurities, sending abusive texts and texts of a sexual nature relating to his ex is not something that is done in a row.

It's cruel and nasty and it's effecting her self esteem.

[cazzz1975]

you have to ask yourself if you are willing to put up with this for the foreseeable future,

the fact that its off/on and you have taken him back many times suggests there is a lot wrong. you cannot build a good future if you waste months/years in this cycle of behaviour

[Sqad]

Well done ABers.

You have heard primrosea describing a relationship with her man and without listening to his side of the story, you have described him as "Screw loose, drug taker, dangerous, mental health problems,no brainer, prick and he needs counselling.

Nice one folks.

[ummmm]

Sqad...we can only go on what the OP says. The fact is his side of the story doesn't matter. He's making her feel insecure and he's damaging her self esteem. Even if he's a saint inbetween that, even if it's something she has done to trigger him off, he's having a negative effect on her so it's time to move on.

[cazzz1975]

shall we demand that people post as couples in future? ;)

[zzxxee]

primrosea asked for advice to which we gave.
what do you suggest we do otherwise sqad?

[ummmm]

Or refuse to give opinions until we've heard the other side of the story...

[piggynose]

totally agree with sqad.
how can you call this man who you do you know a "prick " plus other names, and say get rid, when you havent heard his side yet?

[Sqad]

ummmm....let me tell you a story.
1960 young doctor in Brighton saw a charming, well dressed lady about 65yrs old who was complaining that her husband was depressed and threatened to commit suicide and refused to seek medical help. Nothing young doctor could do. She visited the surgery on 4 occasions saying that he planned to hang himself. Then, if a doctor and a DAO (duly authorised mental officer) could section him under section28 (I think) and take him into a mental hospital. One evening, our young Dr and the DAO was let into the flat and a nice old man, watching TV was carted off protesting his innocence saying that it was his wife who was "mad" and had threatened suicide. To no avail he was taken into a mental home for 48 hours.

Two weeks later, his wife was found hanged and he was not blessed pleased with the assessment and management of the case.

There are mostly two sides to every story.
Sometimes the obvious is not quite that "obvious.