Broken Trust

[RoyalFool]

Hello all. I am a regular user, but have chosen to post under this temporary name.
Something happened when I arrived home early yesterday that caused me concern and suspicion (it doesn’t really matter what, just instinct). I have never done this before but decided to look at my partners mobile phone and in there I found several messages to and from a man I have never heard of.

I am really not the jealous type, I have never questioned my partners trust and have never had reason to, but something made me do this yesterday and I was devastated. I asked her immediately who ‘X’ was and she played dumb at first, but I showed her the messages I had seen. The content was along the lines of ‘wish I was with you’, ‘what (local) hotel are you booking into’ and ‘hubby out to gym in 10, ring me then’ etc. There were also some suggestive ones which I care not to repeat. It turns out to be a man from her past.

I went for a long walk to clear my head and we spoke long in to the night when I got back home. She tells me that she doesn’t know why she did it, nothing has or ever will happen and that it has only been going on for a few days. I want to believe her, but I am shattered. I am writing this in tears. She tells me that she loves and wants to be with me, but I don’t know what to believe at the moment. She tells me that there is nothing missing or lacking in our relationship and she feels stupid and wished it had never happened, but I said she is only saying this because she got caught and that there must be something missing. I have calmly said that we will get over this but it will take time, but I am really really hurt.

[zzxxee]

it might seem like tokenism to you but it might be what she really needs
try it you might be surprised at the outcome
im going now but i wish you the very best of luck xx

[hippyhoppy]

Lawkes a lordy.. I'm not making friends today.. I agree that xxee's suggestion may sound a bit 'tokerism'.. How was she (wife I presume) after you talking to this other chap..?

[ummmm]

Why would I give you a bollarding?

I've been out for lunch dates with an ex. I even went round his to have a bath when ours was being done up. The only difference is that I cleared it with my partner first.

[RoyalFool]

Hi Vibes, I like it, but its not my style!

I felt I needed to post this thread because in life I don't feel I have anyone I could talk about this. That's probably not true, but you know how it is. I thought opening up to some randon strangers (although I do know most of you quite well in pixel sense.... :o) ) might help me release some of my thoughts and feelings. But really all I can do is give myself time. Typing these replies just makes me cry and I can;t be doing with that in the office.

Thanks to you all for your input, and being honest, the people on this thread are exactly the people I expected/wanted to post. Thank you all for that.

I hope to be back to my normal AB self some point soon.

xx

[hippyhoppy]

Apologies ummm.. it's just the wife might be just a bit bored stuck at home (this is just my view of the scenario) and a bit of attention from another might be a bit thrilling, esp if the husband comes home knackered every night wanting food and sky sports... I might have this completely wrong.. in which case I apologise profusely... I don't come on here to upset people.. I just hope that RF strips this down to the basics and starts again.. and good luck to the pair of them...

[Bobbisox]

RF you say you have never checked her phone before, was there some 'hints' that you felt you had to do this?
her pattern of behaviour ect?

[ummmm]

To be fair there's only a limited amount of reasons why she'd do this. Boredom would be one of them.

[China Doll]

I think at this precise moment in time you need to be selfish and less of a 'nice guy' (which there is nothing wrong in being, I personally thing the 'bad boy' is vastly overrated), she is begging you to stay because she has done wrong and she is scared that if you go it will be for good. She is being selfish. Take the time to get away for yourself. She will just have to understand this need and that it's something you need to re-charge yourself and thnk clearly about the relationship.

[ummmm]

I agree with China.

[hippyhoppy]

Hold on a cotton picking moment.. 'I know most you you pixel wise'.. shall we start to work out who this is.. or just offer our various opinions and move swiftly on...?

[RoyalFool]

I hope so ummm.

Bobbi, it was just something in her actions and eyes that made me jump. It was a momentary flash in the kitchen whilst I was giving a welcome home cuddle to my children, 1st and only time ever I noticed. Perhaps I could see some guilty pleasure in her look. I don't know.

Hippy I'm not offended. I'm not the type of bloke you describe at all! Although we all have days where we come home grumpy and tired. In reading this it sounds like we live in boring domesticated bliss. I really had no idea.

[China Doll]

hippy - I don't think the poster wants us to guess who they are. An educated guess could prove right and I think they want this to remain a private matter.

[hippyhoppy]

Concur with Vibes...

[ummmm]

Boring, domesticated bliss....is how most people with kids live their lives.

[RoyalFool]

China is right, I'd rather stay private.

I was open and honest about being a regular. There would be nothing to gain from guessing who I really am, its just how I would prefer it.

[hippyhoppy]

Crikey - well I'm off .. having managed to offend nearly everyone here... Good luck RF - I wish you all the very best... You sound like a decent chap and deserve to be respected.. I hope it all works out for you both...