Am I being taken for a twit?

[Halifaxmum]

I have a partner, we live apart. I have 2 kids (11 & 13) - partner's are grown up & left home. Partner works full time, I am unemployed (am at college). I pay for car, car tax, car insurance (for us both), petrol ,running costs, take her to work and pick her up 5 days a week, as well as the shopping which we do together 99 times out of 100.
We went out today, had a lovely meal at our local, with 2 bottles of wine - I paid for the lot, partner paid for a few games of pool.
We came back to mine, I went upstairs with kid no2 and partner left and went home whilst I was upstairs (didn't say anything to me). Partner has not contacted me since. I feel like she's taking the Fosters. Is she? Or am I being over-sensitive?

[bednobs]

i think if you are unhappy with the paying for things arrangement you need to talk to her

[bednobs]

plus, seriously how do you afford it?

[Hopkirk]

What does she actually pay for?

It sounds a bit one sided to me.

[craft1948]

Why not ring her to ask why she left, then make your mind up.

[Halifaxmum]

I don't spend money on anything! My clothes are years old - I wear them until they fall apart. I get my kids what they need, but no brand names. My car is an old banger, but it gets the kids to school, today was a one-off, probably won't be able to afford it again for 6 months.
I'm not asking for anything but an opinion - I feel that I'm being taken for a @@@@ but am I being mean?

[Hopkirk]

No, you are not being mean.

If what you describe is the whole truth, she is taking you for a ride.

[Halifaxmum]

Yes doc

[Halifaxmum]

OK, thanks all.
We've been together nearly 4 years - I used to own my own house and new car (both in my own name) before we met. Now I live in rented house, have no assets, but have paid off all her debts, carpeted & decorated her flat, bought her diamonds etc...
Think I'm a silly bugger who needs to get real...!?!
Stupid.

[boxtops]

You haven't mentioned your house - does she pay the mortgage/rent and house running expenses from her salary? Some couples are like that, divvy up the different expenses of living between them according to their paying capacity. If this is the case and she is paying to keep the roof over your heads, then I don't think it's unreasonable for you to do what you are doing. Who pays for the shopping? - you say you usually go together and that too is not unreasonable if she is out at work all day. I would be more worried that she has vanished - no mobile? I hope nothing has happened to her. If it's only a few hours ago then there might be a very good reason, e.g. accident, illness etc.

[boxtops]

Ah - your last post crossed with mine - what does she spend her money on, then? That's a different perspective now.

[Halifaxmum]

I live in my house with my 2 kids - she has her own flat - we pay for our own houses.
I pay for all the shopping 99/100 times as she usually doesn't have any money or is skint.
She just took the dog and went home...!?!

[Halifaxmum]

Rent, bills...gets food super cheap at work ...the rest I dunno

[bednobs]

have you rung her?
TBH if you have been willing to pay for everything, i don'tsee why she should bother to offer.

[ttfn]

Halifaxmum - I think the fact that you have asked this question here says you feel yes, you are being taken for a bit of ride. Best to have a serious talk about this now with your partner. No one here can make up your mind for you - only your partner can do that. Good luck

[karenmac60]

You say you owned your own house and new car when you got together with her - were you working then and had more money? Did you start off doing the traditional man thing and taking care of the money side of things? If this is the case then it's maybe just a situation she has got used to and you need to sit down and talk about your financial situation. It's always a touchy subject, and maybe she thinks she should help out more but that it may damage your pride if she offers. As for her picking up and leaving, maybe she felt shut out when you went to spend time with your child - like if you were a proper family you would involve her more or something. I know it all sounds ridiculous, but I have friends who think that way and refuse to discuss it with their partners so it just gets worse and worse. Sit down and talk to her, only then can you decide what to do.

[boxtops]

has she made contact yet......?

[wolf63]

It is a pretty lop sided relationship. Living apart can work - but like any relationship there needs to be rules.

With my last boyfriend I know that in the beginning he paid for everything when we went out but it isn't really acceptable to do that on an ongoing basis.

You really need to sit down with her and talk it through - try and work out what you are getting out of the relationship.

I wish you well and I hope that you get it sorted out.