Can men ever change their mind?

[Sasha13]

A while ago I got involved with a man that I fell in love with very quickly. He finished the relationship without warning after only a couple of months stating that as he travelled extensively with work and was away for long periods of time it couldn't work. Almost a year later, just before Christmas I sent him a text wishing him a Merry Christmas and asking after him. We got talking and he says that he has never stopped thinking about me (as I haven't about him) and wants another chance. He is currently away with work again but has sent me long emails every day and has phoned as often as his job allows - a big difference from when we were together last time when I rarely heard from him. I am still in love with him and would go as far as to say 'he's the one' - but my question is this. Is he just interested because he's realised that I am not worried about a long distance relationship and I may be his only hope of settling down, or has he geniunely realised that he's made a mistake? Can I have the 'happy ever after?' I will ask him when he comes back in a few weeks time, but want to try to protect myself against getting very hurt again. Thanks for any advice!

[Romeo]

Yes, we men can change our mind and, although I understand you being worried about getting hurt again, it is perfectly possible that he has seen his 'mistake' and wants to get back with you.  But you both need to talk, and very seriously.  Hold nothing back.  Tell him how you feel, and ask him to be truthful with you.  Tell him you don't want to be hurt and that he must be sincere otherwise there is no point in going on with the relationship.

[andy hughes]

Forgive me for being cynical here - is it possible he was either in, or looking at another elationship when he was seeing you, and decided to devote all his time to it, and maybe it didn;t work out?

As advised, this is something you need to clear up with honest conversation. If you feel as much for this man as you obviously do, he needs to be aware that he has to be committed to you, or not, but he cannot mess around. If he cares enough to make this relationship work, he will take the time and trouble to reassure you that it is going to wok - if there are doubts, you are better off knowing about them now. Good luck.

[landie]

Yes they can, men are almost as fickle as women, but not quite.

[Hgrove]

I recently read a book entitled "He's just not that into you" which as well as being funny, has made me see things in a new light.  Perhaps I am being (too) cynical but there is the danger that, by taking the initiative of getting back in touch, you have given him "permission" to come and go as he pleases.  I hope I am wrong however.

[Robinia]

Andy has said exactly what I was going to say (from experience).  I'd be very careful, take things slowly & try not to be too available.  The last thing you want is for him to use you as his 'safety blanket' in between other relationships.

[Robinia]

Posted the same time as Hgrove - hence the similar reply!!

[Merlin]

I agree with the other responses, particularly Hgroves'.

But as for protecting yourself, I don't think you can. If you play the game, you should expect to get hurt. If you don't want to get hurt, don't play the game!

Better to play and know that you will pick up some bruises than only ever to watch, though.

Good luck.

[BillyNoMates]

You have clearly thought deeply about the situation and made some sensible deductions.

You don't mention ages but I would guess that he is in his prime wrt his career. I have been there too - not having time for a partner, or when I had one, work always seemed to come first.

I regret that because I let at least one partner slip away for this reason because I didn't realise a good thing at the time. She wanted to get married but I didn't feel ready. Problem is we never really talked about it.

I don't think us chaps grow up, have a career properly under their belts until mid-30s. My career is ticking away quite nicely now and I have time for a partner.

Time has been a great help in working out what I want even if age has caused a few wrinkles and a loss of hair !

I would say that by talking to him about how you feel in a non-demanding way is the best thing. It would probably be easier on both sides if you do it in a 'neutral' surrounding. I.e. go away for a day, go to a restaurant. Just be true to yourself, open and honest.

I wish you all the very best ! 

[LesleyTK]

I think I want to marry Billynomates!

Some very good advice has been posted to your question. I too have had my heart broken recently so know how you feel, tread carefully however not too carefully that you might miss this chance with him.

Good luck.

[Sasha13]

Thanks guys for all the good advice - some of the posts have been really thought provoking. BillyNoMates advice is especially helpful so thank you (and Lesley TK - If I wasn't so hung up on this guy I'd agree with you :-) I'm not sure so much that he felt work came first, more like he didn't think that any woman could commit to a relationship when he was away for up to three months at a time and wanted to protect himself from heartache. I won't know until I talk to him face to face I guess! Anyway I'll let you know how it goes when I see him!!!  Thanks everyone.