Marriage Better or for Worse

[charmed76]

Hello guys and girls,

I am in a situation i just dont know what to do my heart is saying one thing and my head is saying another.

I have been with my husband for 6 years married for 4.

I have asked him to leave because i am not sure how i feel about him or our marriage anymore. I feel my Husband has OCD and is never happy with the house, bills, kids chores and nags us all. The bit i dont like is if i do something that he has told the kids to do like the pots on a night they arent suppose to do the pots he doesnt speak to me all night.
In the past there has been aggression of throwing objects and the family dog once so i got him rehomed and we spilt for a few weeks.
We have no children together but we both have children from past relationship.

I feel for my kids when he is on their case all the time about their chores in my eyes if they dont do them they dont get pocket money simple no need for an atmosphere.

He had a one night stand before we got wed, and i found out after around 2 months of marriage. I couldnt give up after just 2 months of marriage and decided to stick it out.

We have no sex life as such, and there are issues around bisexuality on his part which i also was not told about until 6 months ago which was a bombshell but i supported him as he stated he would not go outside the marriage

When is it all tooo much and your tired of fight for your marriage. Dont get me wrong i am not perfect by any means i suffer from depression and i am on medication for that.

So really what i am asking is should i keep trying and i dont know what to do, he is a great friend and we do have a laugh normally at my blonde moments. I know some people say these days people are quick to spilt and get divorced but i just dont know what to do.

[grasscarp]

Charmed, the only person who can say if this is worth it is you. If you have got to the stage of asking other people if you should go on then probably not. There are also quite a lot of things you have said here that are not good about this, and if you dont have any children together then it may be better to call it a day.

[Teddy_boy]

Im sure you will have an opinion of your own. If you find its too much then i would leave and i wouldnt look back nor have any regrets.
You seem to have married when you shouldnt and theres more negatives than plus points.
Use your head in conjunction with your heart and make a decision that will benefit you.
The very best of luck to you .

[pastafreak]

You ask whether you should keep trying. It is not one-sided,as he has to be as willing as you to try also. Have you considered couples counselling.? The problems that you mention involve both of you,along with the children. It doesn't matter that you do not have children together....you do have kids under your roof who you are both responsible for-and any unhappiness between the two of you will undoubtedly affect them.
I am not sure that your husband has OCD....but he does not sound happy. Is he under stress at work? Has he always been this way?

[gaspanic]

I'm sorry throwing the family dog, turning out to be unsure about his sexuality, the one night stand and now controlling everyone, I think someone needs a timeout maybe even a bit of morphine throw a bit of Absinthe in there to really give him a wake up call.

[boxtops]

I don't attempt to justify his behaviour but I know when I was depressed, my then husband said I was very hard to live with, and he watched me like a hawk. It is hugely difficult taking on someone else's children when you have some of your own - I have seen friends with terrific issues of who disciplines who, it's not easy.
You need to talk to him. I can't suggest anything else. If you can find a time when it's quiet, and sit down and ask him where he sees your future together, perhaps you might be getting somwhere. I know it's easier said than done, but he doesn't sound very happy either. Only the two of you can say whether the relationship is worth fighting for.
Don't put yourself down though - saying you're not perfect doesn't mean that this is your fault, depression and family differences isn't anyone's fault, and perhaps the situation you find yourself in isn't helping your frame of mind.

[Jemisa]

When in doubt - Get out.

My old dad used to say this to us as kids whatever the doubt was about & I've found over the years its been the right thing to do.

jem

[ChocolatChip]

Maybe it's just me being young and naive.
But you talk about your husband being a 'great friend' but nothing about actually loving him, or vice versa?
Do you love him or are you in love with him?
I would be very concerned for both of your mental health states, particularly when you mention your depression, it can't be helping!
Only you know what's best for you and your family. But I think I would try to distance myself from your husband for a while, and reflect on your relationship, before making any long lasting decisions.

[arwyn]

When I was in a simmilar boat I wrote a list of pros and cons, mind you I knew things would never get any better it was a case of live like this forever or leave SO I wrote the list and I left. You have to put loads on the list so dont rush it.

[woofgang]

If that is all there is to the relationship then walk. To me you have described not someone with OCD but a manipulator and controller. Does he laugh with or at your blond moments? What would happen if he had a blond moment and you laughed? Your kids are the most important thing and it sounds like he is not good for them. With great respect, your post sounds like he has "groomed you" to victimhood

[NOX]

To me the cons far outweight the pros and if you are not 100% sure you are still pasisonately in love with this man then I think it's time you had some time out to get yourself sorted out- so I would personally leave. That however is MY opinion- only you know how you feel, but I know from experience that it's ahuge bl00dy relief when you're no longer with someone who incessantly critises and moans and makes an atmosphere where there doesn't have to be one.

[charmed76]

I get the OCD from him liking tins just so in cupboards he does that he does not expect me to do it, although if i just threw them in there he would go and sort it later, he also likes his hangers all the same way in the wardrobe. There are other little things that drive him mad. I do love him and care alot for him but i am not sure its enough to live in a constant atmosphere because the kids have done something etc...

Sometimes i think i have made up my mind and then i just think but i do love him. I have not cried and i have a relaxed home since i told him to go. But i feel a failure if i give up this is my 2nd marriage i thought this was it a partner for life. My first marriage was abusive so i was over the moon at finding someone else.

[20SilkCut]

Charmed...it sometimes takes the heart a little time to catch up with the head - and i think you know what you have to do for the best. It does not look good. The violence especially is worrying. You said you had a previous violent relationship, and sometimes this trend can be repeated when women choose another partner. You need to keep yourself and your children safe. By all means get some relationship counselling - it cant do any harm, and may help you make a final decision.

good luck in the future anyhow.

[DaisyNonna]

Walk away. It will not get better.Just worse

[woofgang]

sorry, going to be tough here...In the situation that you describe, the fact that you feel that you love him is irrelevant. Nothing that you have said makes me think that he loves you...the tins and the hangers that "drive him mad" IMHO that's not OCD thats control freakery.

[Brinjal]

Life is too short to be unhappy. We all deserve happiness so move on. There will be that special someone out there.