How do I stop my Jelousy

[dyslexicme]

My older sister slept with my first boyfriend when I was 15 and I ended up in a psychiatric ward missing out on my education, back in the 80s .
I have had problems trusting and feeling secure with anyone since .
If ,my now boyfriend shows interest or is friendly with another woman then I have a panic attack and can go into a jealous rage,
I am at my wits end as to what to do about it as I always seriously beleave they are going to want this other woman .
Ive tried the following .
Looking at the web. Counseling , prescription drugs . Staying single , Playing them at their own game , Prostitution and attempted Suicide.
Is there any help for this woman of 43 with such low esteem. ?

[Melissabendy]

im sorry it sounds like you need a break from men, and be alone I would suggest looking in the mirror and around you and seeing the things that are worth, like bunnies, flowers, pink things, love, plants with smiley faces, ok seriously

he shouldnt be friendly with women too much how old is he?

[ummmm]

If you ended up in a psychiatric ward because of that you are obviously very fragile.

[ummmm]

Melissa - why shouldn't he be friendly with other women?

[B00]

Melissabendy, with all due respect, ive heard some crap spouted on here, but yours is up there with them!

dyslexicme- it sounds like you need professional help. As horrible as it was, I wouldn't have thought a sister sleeping with a boyfriend when you were 15 is enough to put the majority of people in a hospital ward!

Do you have other issues as well?

[dyslexicme]

He is 53 and it only seems to be with females he meets through me ,
Thanks for responding

[B00]

And as with ummmm, i don't see why he shouldn't be friendly with other women either.

[cazzz1975]

There is definitely more to it than just what happened when you were 15, have you thought about counselling? I know it seems like the cheesy option, but sometimes it can help you see things in a different way. certainly a better option than popping pilss

[cazzz1975]

pills

[dyslexicme]

To Mark
Yes I already had problems with my family, my sisters relationship with my boyfriend was the tip of the iceberg.

[sara3]

*44

[Melissabendy]

b00 you got your opinion I got mine, you remind me of one those people who sit at home watching loose women commenting on everything and everyone, noticing the neigbours new car, peering through the windows, can you say menopause?

[Melissabendy]

oh and sara3 SHUT up before you open it. (the top one)

[cazzz1975]

what has sara done??

[ummmm]

Melissa...bit rude aren't you?

[sara3]

she's always rude. I think it's past her bedtime.

[DTCwordfan]

You need to get some really decent counselling - how is your doctor as to a tip-top professional.....the last two being the most disturbing.

[joko]

hahahaha....if only we had known!

all this time we have wasted our time on medication, counselling, discussion, treatments, therapies etc etc when all along all we had to do was think about 'worthy' things like pink bunnies, smiley faces and flowers and that would solve everything!!
god how stupid we have all been!

can someone please get on to all the worlds leaders and tell them to break out the bunny peace treaties...


ok seriously ...this is a serious grown up problem and dyslexicme has asked for proper help and support - not childishness

[JonnyBoy12]

I would suggest sleeping with me, and then your sister will die of jealousy. Good plan eh, problem sorted?

[S_C]

From your own description it would seem that you have not forgiven or gotten over the fact your " boyfriend and sister " decided to act on lust instead of using their minds and considering other people .

You must get passed this.
People do the silliest of things for no good reason.
However not everyone will cheat and given the time you have had to realise this
" from 15 to 43"
it should be settled now , or brought home to your understanding.


Ask yourself a simple question ...
do i have male friends who i have neither slept with or thought about sleeping with.
If the answer is no ,
You need to start making friends who you will Not think this way about.

All the things you have tried will do you no good unless you start to learn to trust people. You are not alone in being the victim of cheating partners , and this may sound cruel but you Really need to get passed it and move on.

The Only thing you have tried that i would have recommended was counciling , all your other attempts would in my humble view push you in the direction of mis-trust.

Jealousy has many causes some originate from low self esteem other from a persons previous actions. Low self esteem can be cured by simply pampering and looing after yourself and reminding yourself what you have to offer.
Another persons previous actions however is a different story.

Once jealousy has rear'd its ugly head in a relationship , it never truely goes away. because the trust is never really there.
So i would advice if you find yourself jealous of a partner it is time to walk away before you hurt them and yourself with your own imagination and accusations.

[dyslexicme]

Thank you all for your feed back especially S-C and Mellisa-bendy .
I really appreciate it.
I have had a long discussion with boyfriend and have found him to be really understanding . It has taken me years to trust someone and I finally do . I will be seeking councilng from the best therapist I can find because I know most of my thoughts are irrational .
Next step is to find someone to help Me out . Sometimes things do affect us and we don't know how or why . But sometimes there is good reasoning behind it.