The New Leader Of The Opposition Party/
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No best answer has yet been selected by Schlomo78. Once a best answer has been selected, it will be shown here.
For more on marking an answer as the "Best Answer", please visit our FAQ.It sounds as if this woman is very possessive and can't really accept that the former relationship is over. It also sounds as if she's not very good at living on her own and needs to have a man in the background now she has been ditched.
Having watched a similar situation unravel recently because of almost identical issues, I would be tempted to suggest that to avoid trouble, your boyfriend maintains a large discretionary silence about his relationship with you and refuses even to discuss it with his wife on the grounds that his current friendships no longer have any relevance to his ex. Obviously this will be difficult if you move in together and he brings his daughter home because she will talk about you to her mother. But it seems to me that the more aware of your existence his ex becomes, the more difficult she will be in trying to separate father and daughter.. You and your boyfriend will have to decide whether your relationship is strong enough to survive all this emotional blackmail. Until his daughter is old enough to make her own decisions about spending time with her father, her mother will undoubtedly have a strong influence on her, possibly poisoning her mind against her father and the way he now lives his life. Can you live with this and the fact that it will always be a niggling issue in your relationship together?
Personally, I think it is no concern of the former girlfriend what your man does or who he sees in his own life. However, if I were the ex, I would need to be comfortable that my child was being well looked after by the current girlfriend, if she was spending weekends with them.
It does seems however, that the ex is playing mind games. It may help to pre-think the type of rubbish that she may feed the little girl. For example, as you said, she has said that "Daddy wont love you as he has his own girlfriend now..." You could say to the little girl .."No matter what anybody says, Daddy has a special love for you that will never alter, no matter what!" There are other things you could think of that a mind-warped mother may say to her child, so think hard and answer theses questions before they arise! Good luck!
ps. Perhaps you should wait a few months more though before moving in?
Thanks to everyone for their views, all I can do is the best I can,and it's true,if it wasn't me then he would be with someone else eventually and the same situations would arise.There has been even more trouble since I posted last and it doesn't look like its going to stop any time soon.Such is life I guess,she will not split us up whatever she does,and this is the only problem in our relationship so i'm sure it will be worked through in time,although that doesn't make it any easier.She is still trying to alienate the little girl from him and is now buying her lots of things,'buying her love' I guess.It transpires that when my boyfriend and the mother were together she introduced him to her other children the very next day which to me is not ideal and shows she is not the cautious type...also she introduced her ex boyfriend to my partners daughter after a couple months although my partner said he wanted to meet him first before he met his daughter...that didn't happen,she introduced them without him knowing.One rule for her...We are going up this weekend and I am going shopping whilst he goes to see his daughter and explain things to her and tries to negotiate with the ex.I can't see her changing her mind anytime soon, but I'm not going anywhere so she'd better get used to it!Thanks again for all your views and support,and wish me luck!!I'll keep you updated! :O)