I Am Supposed To To What I Am Told

[JinnyJoan]

Sister in 3 different hospitals has behaved badly.  Some screams from her I had to run on the corridors I couldn't bear the screams.

Yesterday in a nursing home she is coming round and telling me to be "a good girl and not to yelling at her as I was telling her to eat 

If she only but knew how badly she behaved during those 9 weeks and for me to be able to cope I can't believe it.

 

Yes I know the first 3 weeks she was under the influence of the medication but then to tell me what I am supposed to do - she has been told what to do regarding her big house and transference of a small bungalow but absolutely refused to do what she is supposed to do but I am supposed to do in what I should be do

 

She is an extremely victorialy person and wants everything her way but she is a vulnerable lady and need to understand what the authorities tell her what to do.  She is not going to do it so I cannot tell her what to do and   -   AND I AM OUT OF THE WHOLE SITUATION.  

 

It is is wrecking me too.

[calmck]

Unfortunately this behaviour is very common in the elderly after an accident and surgery, especially in someone who has always been very independant. Doing what she is told at her age is like a telling a toddler what to do, almost a second childhood. The nursing home staff should be able to help. Maybe a psychologist who specialises in the elderly and trauma coud help. In the meantime you need to take care of yourself and have the nursing staff be responsible for her care and treatment. They will be used to all types of behaviour from their patients.

[Smowball]

Sounds incredibly stressful JJ and I honestly don't know how ypuve managed but you must think of your own health too. If your sister is refusing to eat then there isn't much you can do, apart from let staff know which I'm sure they do. But if your sister was suddenly sent home she would quickly realise that she simply cannot cope in that house. 

[barry1010]

I feel for you, JJ. Terrible to see someone you live in this situation, a big strain on you.

Your sister is facing enormous changes in herself and her way of life and it's a lot to cope with. 

You're both frightened. Stay at home today, have a well deserved break. You've got to look after yourself, too 

[barry1010]

How you doing today, JJ?  

[Barmaid]

JJ, does she have mental capacity?  Ie - has she got health issues that make it difficult for her to make a decision or is she just being stubborn?  If she does not have capacity, then perhaps someone ought to be appointed to help her make decisions which might help take the pressure off you.

I'm not sure what you mean about her house, but no-one can tell her what to do.  If she has capacity she ought to make that decision herself.

[JinnyJoan]

well sister had a good number of visitors, ie nephews etc and was very pleasant to them.   However they left then she was able to walk with zimmer to the toilet and wanted me to tidy up the table, make the bed and I refused to to do it.

She started and told me to leave and to enjoy my neighbours dinner tomorrow.  I shant repeat but I called her a cheeky so and so and walked out.

I have all the nighties washed and dried and my hope is that to frighten her I am going to drop them off at the hospital and leave not visit.

She doesn't have anybody else to help so hope this frightens her.  I am just at the end of my tether.

She said I never done anything for her the last 9 weeks only go and visit her once a day and nothing else.  I am doing nothing else in the house anyway.    I am so sad and also mad.

 

[JinnyJoan]

barmaid - didn't see your post - oh she has very much her own decisive mind but I am thinking she is a probably a bit frightened of moving perhaps to a place she won't like.  

today - in front of nephews - one minute she talks about the big house and next the bungalow.  Let me tell you she will not get the bungalow as there are loads of people on the waiting list.  So I don't know what is going to happen.  Only I will go away in the head.

[JinnyJoan]

forgot to say - this isn't nice - but when she came from the toilet - she told me to get out

[Barmaid]

JJ, I'm really sorry you are experiencing this. It's so hard to support a loved one. 

I'd really suggest that she has a formal capacity assessment. Strong, independent people can sometimes be very seriously impacted by illness and a stay in hospital. What appears as a strong and decisive mind can sometimes mask declining capacity. 

[Smowball]

Agree with Barmaid. Could also be that she has been in hospital for so long that she is actually scared of going home.

[JinnyJoan]

thanks all - but she will be in for another 2 months or so- but dare I say that - no - it was many weeks ago I told her she wouldnt' be out for  Christmas and here she is - - still in.

 

 

 

 

[JinnyJoan]

i am in bed - and I hope to *** she to stays there cos to me she doesn't appreciate either or me - she is staying on this bed that I can't "make"  - cos she she genuinely does have OCD - very bad - - she thought when she came out of the toilet that I would have had the bed beautiful and when it wasn't - she was disappointed.  that's what I got the most horrific language you could say

very very bad language - take it from me - and you know what - nobody hears it only - the family doesn't believe me cos they don't see it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[barry1010]

Try and enjoy today, JJ. 

[rowanwitch]

Jj,  sounds so much like dementia,  it's not always forgetfullness.  Mum had a long spell of being absolutely evil, vicious, aggressive, obsessive before she was forced to move into residential care where she died last month.   There are different types and they manifest in different ways.   I agree she needs a formal capacity assessment and also the tests to determine type and progress.  

Remember many sufferers early on can sound perfectly with it.giving rise to people thinking they are less ill than they really are.. It's only by watching consistently you can see the truth.

My mum was going on and on about of course she could go home and look after herself  even when she could no longer stand , was doubly incontinent, and couldn't recognise a sandwich when you put one in front of her.  But if a doctor spoke to her and didn't check they could write a discharge form without realising... And I was told on many  occasions f### off and never come back.

[JinnyJoan]

thats sad Rowanwitch