Divorce is it a good thing?

[RATTER15]

Talking to the foreign girls that I work with it appears that the UK have a dreadful reputation for its divorce rate.

I see Divorce as being a good thing, a positive thing.

Divorce is the result of an unhappy marriage and the both partners can make new lives for them selves and often for their children.

I wish my Father had left my Mother when I was born, I was brought up by my Mother, my Father was also living in the same house, he done nothing for me or my siblings he made my Mother so unhappy and she really was such a great lovely Lady. When I reached 18 he left, saying that he couldn't leave until I was 18. Well I wish he had. He contributed nothing to the family apart from a dreadful atmosphere.

If he had left at the breakdown of the relationship, my Mother may have met the lovely man that she deserved, me and my siblings could have had a loving Father.

My Father sticking around was the only negative thing in my childhood!!

What are your thoughts?

[Sqad]

Me?......no idea.......except that failure rate in 2nd marriages is higher than that in the first marriage................so divorce can't be that good....or successful......can it?

[Booldawg]

yes, divorce is a good thing for those who find marriage is a bad thing.

[RATTER15]

I hasten to add, I have been divorced twice, my first wife and the Mother of my children went on to re-marry and her husband brought up my children, I did not have any problems with this, he loved them and respected them, he was a Father to them. I was also on the scene and always had a good relationship with my children. She was able to move on and so was I.

[ummmm]

I agree. I also think people go into marriage too soon and give up too easily.

[cazzz1975]

I agree with you ratter, in those circumstances divorce can be a welcome release. Kids need a stable, happy environment which sadly sometimes cannot be achieved with the natural parents.

[RATTER15]

Squad, "so divorce can't be that good....or successful......can it?" A divorce is highly successful if it ends an unhappy marriage, id does not claim to make you happy in any other marriage!

[Sqad]

RATTER.......good point.

[RATTER15]

ummm I agree, I met my first wife when I was 17 she was 13 we got married 5 years later, we both naturally grew up and in different directions. we were together for 14 good years.

[wolf63]

I agree - as a child I often heard the phrase "he/she is going to leave when the kids grow up".

I am 47 and I look back and see that the world has changes so much in my lifetime. The attitude to marriage and family life was different - many men were cruel to their partner and the female felt powerless to leave. Many men were stuck in a marriage that was destructive but stayed not out of love but as they felt it was their duty.

No parents are perfect.

[jno]

I've read studies that say it's generally a terrible thing for kids, though parents may manage to persuade themselves otherwise.

[RATTER15]

This subject actually came up last night while working with a Romanian woman who criticized our divorce rate, she is living here with her 7 year old Daughter and will never go back to Romania, her Husband has said he will never move to this country because he would never give up his dogs.

A re-think is required on her behalf I believe.

[ummmm]

My Dad was always a very loving, caring Dad. But he was a crap husband. There was no abuse, no arguments...just emotional neglect. She left him when I was 8. Best thing she ever done. She was happy.....and he made a bigger effort with us. My mum and dad divorced I we got to see him twice as much as when they were together...

[johnk]

I think couples divorce too quickly now. The slightest thing wrong and they split, no thought of working things out and it is terrible for the kids who don't understand why and sometimes think it's their fault.

[Euphemia]

Divorced parents are preferable to unhappy, batling parents.

[Carakeel]

Like ratter15, I have been married twice. The first was for 10 years. It ended when I could no longer take being abused, both physically and mentally and seeing my oldest son being slapped about just because he wasn't sitting bolt upright at the table etc. I was terrified of this man and one day the threats just became too much to bear and I took my three young children and fled! Divorce here ... a very, very good thing!!

My second marriage was very trusting and very loving, until the day the doctors said that I had "terminal" cancer. A few days later my husband broke down and said something I to this day do not understand. He said "I love you too much to watch you die". I will spare you the details of what happened in the months following, just to say that I was totally devastated! Divorce here ... also a good thing, more so for him than me though. But still good for me as it allowed us both to move on. In the long run, it turned out to be the best thing for me as today I am with someone who loves me for who I am and doesn't run away when my health throws me great challenges. He has been there through three major operation and one minor op in the past 6 years, never leaving my side and in fact actually being my life saver after two of these ops. He is the man I love with all my heart and who makes me happier than I have ever been before. He would not have found me and I would not be with him, had I not had my divorce!

So a big "yes", divorce is a very good thing as it ends a bad thing!

[ummmm]

Awwww....xx

[johnk]

I agree there are cirumstances when the only option is divorce but I see it so much for trivial things

[China Doll]

I don't think it's a good or positive thing in one sense as for a divorce to occur in some circumstances can be the result of much physical, mental or emotional abuse of a partner (not everyone just grows apart obviously), and for someone to have to suffer that is sad. However at least these days, we can get out of the situation so in that sense, yes, I suppose it is positive.

I think people can take marriage too lightly and divorce over things that really you should have known/discussed before you married and decided whether it was a deal breaker or not. I sometimes think that some people just want the fairytale day.

I would like to get married one day. I would do it abroad and in a non-religious ceremony as to me it's the ultimate contract of love between two people and doesn't particularly require anyone else there, I think it should be just about the two people on the day. But that's obviously just my personal opinion. I would also like for it to not end in divorce! I still regard divorce as quite a sad ending for two people who one hopes at one point in that life presumably meant the world to each other.

I think it's something of a mixed blessing.

[RATTER15]

I agree China, I see it as a new beginning and the back of unhappy situation, it of course is also traumatic for those concerned.