Why do the council have to make everything quite so difficult?

[annie0000]

More of a rant than a question. Eldest son has had an issue with being bullied going back nearly 3 years now. Thankfully it seems that the bullying has stopped as his current teacher doesn't pussy foot about. However, this caused my son a lot of anxiety and he was displaying autistic spectrum behaviours. As the wheels of support grind slowly, by the time we had finally got an appointment with the psychology service, he was a lot better at home and places other than school but still had issues there. Anyway, psychology feel that he does have asperger tendancies but these are not consistent, a full diagnosis would be borderline at best. He recommended that the school support him to increase his confidence there and to relieve some of the anxieties he has there.

Happy with what the school have put in place, but as he starts High school next year, they feel he needs an enhanced transition put in place as he is nowhere near ready and he could have problems adjusting. They also feel that it would be better if he were to be kept with his best friend and away from the kids that make him anxious. We agree.

His best friend is unlikely to attend our catchment school as his sister goes elsewhere. That school is difficult to get into. We can apply now for a space fat that school but they will not tell us if we have a place until the end of April next year making any enhanced transition to that school impossible.

It would be disastrous for him to go to the catchment school without his friend but with the kids that bullied him and our only other alternative is to request a place at a 3rd school on his own as a request to that school would be likely to be accepted but not guaranteed. Total nightmare and don't know what to do for the best. :o(

[sherrardk]

Totally agree with you - we took our eldest out of school when he was in infants (we knew we were leaving the area anyway) and home schooled him (we were lucky to be in the position that we could). You could appeal if you don't get the place you want (but you would have to be happy to over egg the pudding regarding your son's autistic traits). Does he have a statement of educational needs? This would help your case.

I have to take thing #2 to speech therapy (it's an intensive sort) next week - I don't really want to take him as it has all turned a bit touchy-feely (I am now a parent carer which has pissed me off no end) but I have to in case he needs an statement for school (and it may well help him out although I have my doubts).

[Halifaxmum]

I can kind of understand your position. Halifax son was bullied terribly at primary school (years 5 & 6), so did not go to the high school the same bullies went to. His best friend, who was also bullied, went to a private high school.

The only other high school available had a bad reputation (but the most excellent facilities I have ever seen !?!), but I had no other choice. He went there for a few months, but I had to withdraw him from education completely when he was getting physically and verbally abused on a daily basis.

I home-educated him for almost a year (I'm not qualified, but we did ok). I then appealed for a place at the best state school in our area. At the appeal, I explained what had happened and was fortunate to have an understanding panel who gave him the opportunity. He is now settled at the same school, has just got a grade B in GCSE Maths (he is only 14) and is happy, confident and thriving.

My advice would be - don't expose him to bullying, and research the most suitable school in your area, then go to appeal.

[annie0000]

hi sher, this is Scotland so different system. He is on something called staged intervention which can cover any situations where more support is required. He was stage 2 and they have now put him down to stage 1 (stage 2 is where external agencies are involved) as the psychology service have signed him off unless he gets to the point where a formal diagnosis and help is required. He is very clever, hasn't missed a day of school for nearly 5 years and behaves really well in school. He still doesn't voice any opinions unless forced and his face in school is completely expressionless. His teacher says however that his stories etc are fantastic, full of imagination and emotion!!

The head teacher said that the system doesn't really lend itself to her being able to support his application as it is done on rigid criteria. There is however a comments box which she has said to us to fill with as much supporting info as we can, but they may not even get as far as reading that!! She said that she is supposed to fill in another box just to confirm that the details we have provided (name dob etc) match his school record and add on his pupil number etc. she said that she will put a supporting statement in that too which may not get read either but it's worth a try. Her view is that if it comes down to 2 equal cases in terms of points/distance etc then that may just tip the balance.

As far as an appeal is concerned, we can do that, but cannot apply to any other school (or reapply to the original one) until the appeal is heard - so that may take us up right up to the wire! and in the meantime any spaces at the 3 rd school could get taken and indeed someone could reapply to our 1st choice and get in if someone else has decided not to confirm their allocated space.

I hope thing 2 gets on well at his speech therapy group - you have to put aside your own thoughts as it may just be the best thing as far as he is concerned, as hard as that may be. :o)

[annie0000]

Thanks Halifax, I'm glad it has all worked out for you and your boy. Essentially for us, the most suitable school is any school that the bullies are not at!! However, it's frustrating that he wont get the enhanced transition that he needs just because they make the system so complicated and drawn out. Why we can't all just apply for 3 schools in order of preference and then they allocate them in Dec or January, I have no idea!

If I could afford to educate him privately then I would - We could remortgage the house to pay for 1 but my younger son is only 1 year younger so we couldn't afford to do it for two.

We would actually just move house into the catchment for our chosen school, but the way the market is at the moment we wouldn't be able to sell.

[sherrardk]

It's so hard, isn't it? I really do understand how you feel - the system just treats you son as another 'being' to be put through the system and your lovely boy is at their mercy (I presume he is lovely because they all are). When boy #1 went to primary school he had 120 children in his year and it was really competitive (grammar school area). Hope everything sorts itself out, but it is such a worry. Thing #2 will be fine (I am brill at going along with things for my children - just be prepared for FB rants!).

[annie0000]

lol sher - look forward to those rants - he is lovely, most of the time!! wont be putting this on FB as I have some other parents as friends and we are not going to tell anyone if we apply elsewhere as a, we don't want any extra competition, and b, some of their friends are parents of the kids that bullied my son......and I definitely don't want them knowing where we plan to send him. The exception will be his best friends parents. Their son doesn't want to go to the other high school without my son either, but they want to keep their kids at the same school obviously, or the solution would be for us both to apply to the other non-catchment school.

[sherrardk]

I really hope it all works out ok, it's so hard this parenting malarky. x

[Halifaxmum]

hope it works out annie - i will think of you and send my very best wishes xxx

[annie0000]

yeah - that's the warning they should put on packets of contraception. "Failure to use the product carefully involves worry and stress for the rest of your life". I am sure there is a wee bit of joy and happiness in there somewhere too ;o)

[annie0000]

cheers both - no doubt i'll be giving updates and more rants along the way!! x

[sherrardk]

Ps - in case your a worrier (like me) I obviously won't mention this on FB unless I send you a message, x

[ELVIS68]

annie, hate to say this but even if your son went to school with his best friend that`s no guarantee to stop the bullying, he`ll rely on his friend too much and you can`t be certain they will be in the same classes together.

I hated secondary school and was picked on in my first 2 years.

I was told you can`t hide from bullies you can only confront them, daunting as it was but the more I stood up to them the less they picked on me.

I got into a few fights over this but eventually it stopped and I got some confidence back and started to enjoy school.

I`m glad I did what I did or I`d have spent my entire school life hiding away

[annie0000]

I know elvis, I still think that if he'd had the courage to stand up for himself 3 years ago we wouldn't be in this position. The reason for the school change is really so he at least starts with a fresh sheet and wont already be marked as a victim from the start. He is a different boy to a great extent when not at school he goes to Scouts and loads of other activities and has other friends. He is quiet, and I think always will be - I think either of the other schools will be a better match for him. His catchment school is the best in the area for sporting achievement, but he is more of an academic. Although he is a very good swimmer and canoeist, he doesn't enjoy team sports which is where the school excels. I am glad that things worked out fro you in the end though :o)

[annie0000]

His asperger tenancies mean that it would be unlikely that he would ever be in a place where he would stand up in that situation. All we can hope to do is get him to adulthood in as near to one piece as we can. Everyone's view seems to be to keep the 2 boys together, but I do harbour a little thought now and then that it might be an idea to split them up.

[ELVIS68]

If he does go to the catchment school hopefully he won`t be in the same classes as the bullies and he`ll make new friends who will stick up for him if the idiots decide to pick on him.

Try to build his confidence up, I know from my circumstances anything my parents told me just went over my head, it was a chat from my older sisters boyfriend that did it for me, he told me to hit the ringleader as hard as I could and at the time I thought I could never do this but when I did it changed everything.

I`ve told my kids the same and even if it means they will get in trouble at school, so be it, it will stop the bullies