Adult Children by Previous marriage

[nohorn]

My husbands two adult children are constant beggars for money to pay bills when they live beyond their means. This is second marriage for both of us.
My two kids have always lived within their means.His kids are in their 50's, and each have filed bankruptucy twice. Now one of their children is in college, first semester, and has failing grades, has a car that my husband has paid for. Last June when she graduated she had a job but couldn't get up in the morning for the morning shift and got fired. So she spent the summer driving up and down the roads with graduation gift money my husband gave her. He had to give her money for books, rent, etc. She never had a job for the summer., jusgt partied and visited with friends.

Now she needs money for new tires. Of course, my husband has sent the money. We barely squeak by and I am constantly am scrimping and saving.
I think we should save anything extra to put in an account when we will have to pay for household help when we can no longer take care of ourselves. Of course, any extra goes to his family.

When I say anything, he thinks I am badmouthing his family. I see nothing but irresponsibility. The only thing positive I can think of is they are not alcoholics or drugees, but with the granddaugher I am beginning to wonder. In any event, it is gimmie, gimmie, with little or no effort to look for part time work.

Has anyone else been in this predicament? I think she is most likely getting advice from he X-wife and former daughter in law to keep bugging him for money. What ever the reason, I think it is sad he has to spend his retirement years supporting these deadbeats. Any advice will be appreciated.

[tamborine]

All part of his baggage that you so generously took on.

[nohorn]

I think you are right.............I think that's why his previous financee made an exit (30 years ago), she did it after she met his kids.....smart lady.
And then here I am, fell right in the bucket.

[tamborine]

what's yours is yours & what's his is yours ! Make more demands on him while you feather your nest. You gotta be cute & hide your possessions.

[ummmm]

If you give give give...people will take take take.

He needs to learn how to say no. That's if he wants to say no. He might get pleasure from helping his family out.

I don't agree that you take on the baggage of someones grand kids. Not financially anyway.

Have you got grand kids?

[albaqwerty]

When I first saw your title I thought the adult kids would be mid-20's, but these are adults, my heart sank.

I can only suggest you emphasise and stress to your husband that you are NOT bad-mouthing them in any way shape or form, but are increasingly concerened about the future well-being of you both.

Why can't their mother help them out?

[cathfromsaron]

i say, they will never learn to budget until they have to, and i have been through similar with my younger daughter!

but since we have set strict boundaries and NEVER lend anything, she HAS become more sensible! the fact that they are step-children should be by-the-by!

its your money too, afterall!

[brenda]

Why stay in this situation ? If you love him so much , then stay , if not walk away.

[EvianBaby]

They've been doing it for 50 years. Don't expect them to change now.

[ummmm]

No, but he can change.

[EvianBaby]

He's been going along with it for 50 years. Chances are he won't.

[Sqad]

Your husband is a fool and a selfish one at that and your are stuck with him.

Either he has has other redeeming characteristics OR you feel that you cannot get a better deal elsewhere.

[LoftyLottie]

Mid 50's and relying for their father to support them and their offspring. Most people in their mid 50's are actually giving some type of support to their elderly parents!!

I would be furious and reading the riot act to him and his offspring. His first loyalty should now be to you and you alone. He needs to safeguard your future - obviously you aren't going to get any help from his family.

[ummmm]

Agree Evian...but you don't know what tactics they use. Maybe beforehand he didn't have anyone to point out what a bunch of pee takers they were.

[nohorn]

Hi Everyone: Thank you for replying. I need to answer some questions....
I do not have grandchildren, probably won't because my kids are so busy working they let the clock run out.

His ex is one of the beggars also. The children are in their 50's. Tamb and Squad, I like your suggestions.......

I don't need this kind of aggravation, it hurts to see them take advantage of him. Just today, one E-mailed him and wanted to know how much money was he going to send for his Xmas gift........ So I will think things over........

[Nosha123]

A 50yr old one E-mailed him and wanted to know how much money was he going to send for his Xmas gift???
Email back and tell him the pot has run dry and he has had all your money...

I bet he wont even send you both a card!

[cazzz1975]

never thought I would see the day when 50 year olds would act like spoilt brats!

the fault lies with not saying no and sticking to it, they have to learn to deal with their own money issues, my answer to them would be, sorry the bank is now empty..