new relationship issues

[breadstick]

HI,

I have just come out of a 7 year relationship which ended badly and has left me scarred and generally fed up with the whole relationship thing

i have become friends with a wonderful girl through work and we get on really well

the problem is i dont want to do the whole boyfriend girlfriend thing so soon after my break up, i dont see me dating properly for 18 months as i really need a break

i need this girl in my life though and i do see a future for us further down the line, i have explained i only want friendship she wants more

is it wrong of me to go about it this way? i cant lose her but neither can i do the whole dating thing again :(

any suggestions?

thank you

[ummmm]

No, it's not wrong. You've been honest and upfront.

You do run the risk of her meeting someone else though. How would that make you feel?

[dave50]

Why do you want a break? Life's too short to put things off for fear of getting hurt again. You may be missing out on the chance of happiness and if it doesn't work then at least you will know you have tried. Remember, it's not what you have done in life that you regret, it's what you haven't done that causes regret.

[breadstick]

yeah i would be pretty cut up if she seen someone else but i have no right to stop her :)

i just want my head to be clear when we do "date"

[Scarlett]

I think you are clearly not ready to start all over again and she should understand that. It is hard though, since your love chemicals are already zooming around both of you. It is a hard thing to ignore. But be strong and strict with her! If she really does like you, she will respect your decision and wait.

[Sqad]

\\\\is it wrong of me to go about it this way? \\

Right or wrong is beside the point..........it is bloody stupid.

If you need a break, then take a break, but don't expect her to be waiting.

[craft1948]

Enjoy being free...............go out with your mates, have a holiday, find some good chat rooms.

[joeluke]

Cant you just be friends with benefits?

[JonnyBoy12]

Why wait that long? People on the rebound usually can not wait to find a new romance. If it were me then I would be in there like a shot. If you are right for each other then go for it. If you wait too long then someone else will 'snap her up'. You have asked for our advice and we are now giving it to you straight.

'He who hesitates is lost', goes the old saying.

[cathfromsaron]

reasonable yes, BUT i agree, why wait!

just take it slow ...

[ummmm]

We don't know how badly his previous relationship ended. We don't know what effect that has had on him. He could be just doing the good decent thing and not expecting someone else to put up with his hangups...

[cathfromsaron]

i would just have occasional dates and avoid the whole 'at home' thing!

[ummmm]

Like mates then?

[cathfromsaron]

getting to know each other romantically in the old fashioned way ... 'mates' are different to me!

[grffindoor2011]

Is it right to keep her stringing along though? Why do you need her in your life, what part is she fulfilling?

18 months is a long time, feelings change. The longer she is hanging around waiting for the countdown to reach zero she is missing out on someone now.

If you are not 100% sure you should not start anything, it isn't fair on her or you.

[boxtops]

You can't put a timescale on these things... you are lucky to have her as a friend. Have a good long chat with her, personally I'd want a bit of a break to get my head in order.

[Pinerello]

Interesting question. I'm on the reverse of this dilemma. A girl I know who I have very strong feelings for who has this past year gone through tragedy and pain finally allowed me after asking for some time to take her out on a date. She knows how I feel about her and would like to be a more permanent fixture in her life. When we meet we act in everyway as lovers like hold hands together kissing ect but she insists that she isn't ready for a relationship just yet after the year she's had. All this is understandable but how long does one have to wait? I'm crazy about her but her reluctance to commit is very frustrating. I don't want to lose her I know I can't wait forever