Is This A Perfect Email About Provident Fund?

[fatema]

Dear Xyz,

Hope you are doing fine, As you know that I have recently resigned from ABC, I have received my salary for the month of march, but I am yet to received my Provident fund. I am in need on money, thus I hereby request to you please pay my provident fund as soon as possible.

Thanks
xyz

[woofgang]

allen, I don’t think this is a scam but a young lady who has just resigned from her job and needs to get back money she has paid into a company pension or insurance scheme.

Fatema, you need to change “in need on money” to “in need of money"

[Baldric]

http://www.theanswerbank.co.uk/Jobs-and-Education/Question1545676.html

[Peter Pedant]

No threaders - Fatima regularly send us her homework
This is frequently correction of Office English
It goes in three tiers - formal(letter) - vernacular ( email ) and street

this one is email - the level is AAT2 - accountancy
but I think the level must be universal
English is now tested in craft/vocational exams

soooooo.

no its isnt perfect
you havent put in the sender
recipient or what the email is about

The first sentence is not appropriate
march is March
It is all one sentence - split into four sentences
so full stop after ABC and ... money
receive and not received
of money and not 'on money'

O heavens.... you can do the rest yourself
I can write formal English - you need to learn.