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Grief From My Oh
111 Answers
Honest opinions would be appreciated here.
I have had a holiday booked for over a year, going to Kos in September this year with OH and son. We were supposed to go in May but he made me delay it (before the Covid outbreak) until September. It cost £150 to change the dates, on top of the £2,900 for the holiday.
As the time has drawn nearer he has insisted that we postpone until next September as he doesn't want to travel if he has to wear face masks, etc. I on the other hand am comfortable to travel and I don't want to lose my holiday. I suggested I take my mother instead and yesterday I switched it to her name instead of his (and took the little one off the booking too) at a cost of £275. My mother was overjoyed - it's the first time she has felt any sense of happiness since she lost her twin sister in early June. My mother has given me some money towards the holiday. She and I lost our holiday to Famagusta in April following the Covid outbreak.
My husband has given me nothing but grief since and has bombarded me with text messages all day, threatening to give my mother a piece of his mind and threatening me with divorce.
My husband is constantly telling me that any spare money I have should go on things for the house, etc. However, I've found out he's got accounts with thousands of pounds in and he refuses to discuss his finances (I found his building society books in a box in the spare room). Essentially what's mine is "joint" and what's his is his own.
He "actively encouraged" me into working 7 days a week as soon as I returned from maternity leave. He then expected me to put all my overtime into the joint account every week for him to decide how best to spend it. I pay for all the holidays and any extra expenses such as car insurance and new tyres, nights away, etc.
We are going to St Ives in September and have another 2-week holiday booked to Kos for next May (and yes, I'm paying). I even said I would book a holiday in Feb to the Canaries for our son's birthday, so he didn't feel he was losing out. He soon changed his mind on that one when I suggested he pay something towards it for a change!
The bile he has spewed out about my mother has been terribly upsetting. She is grieving so badly right now. In any case I have refused to take the holiday back off my mother as it would be a cruel thing to do. He says in that case we will have to split up and I just shrugged and said "okay".
My question is - am I being unreasonable or is he?
I have had a holiday booked for over a year, going to Kos in September this year with OH and son. We were supposed to go in May but he made me delay it (before the Covid outbreak) until September. It cost £150 to change the dates, on top of the £2,900 for the holiday.
As the time has drawn nearer he has insisted that we postpone until next September as he doesn't want to travel if he has to wear face masks, etc. I on the other hand am comfortable to travel and I don't want to lose my holiday. I suggested I take my mother instead and yesterday I switched it to her name instead of his (and took the little one off the booking too) at a cost of £275. My mother was overjoyed - it's the first time she has felt any sense of happiness since she lost her twin sister in early June. My mother has given me some money towards the holiday. She and I lost our holiday to Famagusta in April following the Covid outbreak.
My husband has given me nothing but grief since and has bombarded me with text messages all day, threatening to give my mother a piece of his mind and threatening me with divorce.
My husband is constantly telling me that any spare money I have should go on things for the house, etc. However, I've found out he's got accounts with thousands of pounds in and he refuses to discuss his finances (I found his building society books in a box in the spare room). Essentially what's mine is "joint" and what's his is his own.
He "actively encouraged" me into working 7 days a week as soon as I returned from maternity leave. He then expected me to put all my overtime into the joint account every week for him to decide how best to spend it. I pay for all the holidays and any extra expenses such as car insurance and new tyres, nights away, etc.
We are going to St Ives in September and have another 2-week holiday booked to Kos for next May (and yes, I'm paying). I even said I would book a holiday in Feb to the Canaries for our son's birthday, so he didn't feel he was losing out. He soon changed his mind on that one when I suggested he pay something towards it for a change!
The bile he has spewed out about my mother has been terribly upsetting. She is grieving so badly right now. In any case I have refused to take the holiday back off my mother as it would be a cruel thing to do. He says in that case we will have to split up and I just shrugged and said "okay".
My question is - am I being unreasonable or is he?
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Honestly LadyGC, you're husband sounds like a complete douche. He sounds completely unreasonable, spiteful and manipulative. I'd suggest you enjoy your holiday, and go full Shirley Valentine while your there.
If your husband doesn't like you going away, maybe he can fund a break of his own when ou return, with the money he's been keeping secret from you.
If your husband doesn't like you going away, maybe he can fund a break of his own when ou return, with the money he's been keeping secret from you.
I offered to pay for him to go and do the Dunhill Challenge with his best mate. I've said he can go away any time with his friends.
Bednobs, trying to get a straight answer out of him is pointless. I asked him several times and eventually changed the holiday over the phone as he was stood beside me.
Bednobs, trying to get a straight answer out of him is pointless. I asked him several times and eventually changed the holiday over the phone as he was stood beside me.
I think that Covid restrictions are causing stress to everyone at the moment. I believe you are involved in house renovations, stressful, are semi mobile, stressful, have a little one to take care of, stressful. Concerned about your mum and you both grieving re her sister. Is OH working or concerned about income? How did he respond to your finding out about his finances? Maybe a truthful discussion with him regarding partnership, openness, no secrets and financial arrangements and obligations. Be as unaccusitive as possible but be truthful. Do you still love him and want to continue with openness between you. Does he like your mother or does he resent your relationship with him. Mask wearing in public accepted here as the new norm and is easily adjusted to. I would however be aware of the day to day situation of where you are going for a week or two before you go. Good luck
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