Dog's Death

[Ulsternush]

I had to put my beloved 10 year old Rottweiler to sleep on Tuesday evening after a sudden illness. I have just had the phone call from the vet to say her ashes are ready for collection.

I am taking it worse than I thought I ever would, I have not eaten since 2pm on Tuesday as I have absolutely no appetite. I had just got the crying halfway under control for the sake of my kids seeing me in a mess just to have this phone call set me off again.

Have any of you got the ashes of your pets, what have you done with them?

We are moving abroad soon and I am thinking of bringing the ashes with me but my husband is worried that I will make a shrine to her and this will stop me getting over it. Any advice will be greatly received.

[Roughquest]

Oh Darling ! My heart goes out to you, it truly does....I am so very sorry to hear you have lost your beloved friend. !
I lost my Black Lab just before Xmas last year, but he was 14 - but he is gone and to this day I break down and cry for no reason as I miss him so very much, he left a hole in my life and nothing can fill it! I have his ashes, they are in a beautiful earn surrounded by photos of him, and silly as it sounds I talk to them like he is still with me, I tell him about my day, but please just take each day as it comes, cry if and when you feel the need, you loved him very much, I do plan to scatter the ashes soon but when I am ready to, and in a beautiful spot that he loved to go for a walk and a swim...it is there he will finally be laid to rest. You do what you feel is right in your heart, if you want to take them with you then do so, dont feel pressured into leaving them behind. Take care, RQ xxxx

[Roughquest]

I am not having a good day for spelling either - URN !

Sorry xx

[kita1]

I still have the ashes of my dogs, I lost my first one 15 years ago. Firstly, can you get a friend to collect the ashes from the vet? That just saves you the trauma.

What you do with them is a very personnal thing, you have to do what is right for you and your family.

Some people scatter them in their dogs favourite place, some people keep them. My friend kept the ashes of her GSD next to a photo of him on her side cabinet, she put a fresh bunch of flowers next to it every week. She did this until she felt ready to scatter the ashes and finally let go. Making this 'shrine' to him made her feel better and helped her deal with her grief.

It will get better. Take time to greave, after all every day for 10 years you have had her around, she will leave a massive gap in your life. You gave her a long and happy life and you did the best you could for her. She will always be with you in your heart.

Don't make any hasty decisions what to do with the ashes, there is no rush. In time you will know what is right for everyone. Don't forget, your kids will be devastated too, after all she has been around for a big part of their lives, they probably cannot imagine a life without her.

Take care.

[horselady]

I'm so sorry, I know exactly how you are feeling. I had the ashes of all my dogs returned and buried the urn or casket in the garden and planted flowers on top. As far as i was concerned they carried on laying in the sunshine which they all loved. My daughter keeps her doggie's ashes in a little casket on the windowsill, with a photo of her beside it. You must do whatever feels right for you. You will never forget her,but It does get better.
xxx

[plessy]

I'm so very sorry to hear about your sad loss, but please try and remember all of the good times, and the fact that the massive sense of pain and loss that you feel now, is a reflection of what a wonderful, valued and meaningful relationship you shared.
It does take time to heal, as we all know, and I like the others, still think almost daily about my special cat, who by now, has been gone for more years than we shared together. I still miss him to this day, but it just hurts less that it used to.
I agree with the other answers, don't rush to make any hasty decisions. I ended up having my boys ashes in a little casket with his name on, which resides safely out of the way of my current cats, as they would doubtless knock him over otherwise! I spent an awful long time considering what to do, as at that point, we didn't have a garden to place him in, and now we have, as he wasn't living here, it didn't seem right. It may possibly sound extreme, but for this boy, as he was my 'special' one, I have told my husband that I would like his ashes in with me if and when the time comes. I can't do it with all of my pets, but he was the special lad for me. Until that day comes, however long that may be, I just keep him in a safe place, out of sight, get on with my life, but know that he is still with me.
I pray that your pain eases with the passage of time, and just urge you to hold on to knowing how special it all was whilst you had him.

Plessy ( my boy's name, and used for so many of my usernames ever since, a nice way of continually keeping him with me in another way )

[divegirl]

Oh honey, I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my boy 6 weeks ago, I still cry more or less every day.
Were you taking your dog abroad with you? What an adventure that would have been! If I were you I would take him with me and scatter his ashes at your new home....then he'll always be with you. Just take your time in making a decision. It will get easier to cope without him, but believe me it takes time.
My thoughts are with you
Much Love

Lisa x

[lankeela]

So sorry to hear this. Ten is a good age for a Rot, although no dog lives long enough do they?

Personally I have never collcted ashes, rather like funerals I feel that you have just got used to the idea of being without them and it starts it all up again. Many of my friends do though, and have either scattered them on a favourite walk or beach, whilst others have them in a cask on their mantlepiece or dressing table.

Although time will make the grief lessen, you won't ever forget, after all, they share so much of your life, probably more than a human partner does in many cases.

I saw a dog today that looked like one of mine that I lost in 1996, I made a fuss of her and had to turn away, as I had tears in my eyes and felt a right wuss! The customers must have thought I was barking, but it has set me off thinking about all the others that have gone as well, then I come home to read your sad post.

Do you have a special box (like a jewellery box, or somewhere you keep letters?). You could keep the ashes in there, so they are your personal way of keeping in touch with her without being constantly reminded every time you see the box if it is on display.

Thanks for sharing, hope you can come to a decision that makes you feel you are doing the right thing.

[jules77]

Oh bless, I am so sorry....I can empathise. I still have the ashes of my old boy in the dining room, which is where he used to like to sleep. My husband wanted to bury the box in the garden, he was going to put it inside a lead box so it didnt rot, but I was concerned if we moved house as I didnt want to leave him. So they have remained on the window sill with a porcelain figure I had done of him when he was young on the top. To be honest, it helped me deal with it, as he was such a special boy.

[Lily_b]

We sprinkled the ashes of our golden retriever over the my Mum's favourite flowers in the garden - as those were also Sherry's favourite plants to lie on in the sun. :-)

Her collar and lead are still hanging where they have always been behind the kitchen door on her own hook, the only difference over the years (she died 18 years ago - blimey, I just realised how long it's been) is that her collar is now accompanied by Holly's collar (the cat).

Losing a dog (or cat for that matter) does affect the whole family as you are losing a family member, so it is natural to go through a grieving process.

Do what you feel most comfortable with.

[MrSensible]

I feel for you, only people with pets will relate, I lost my brown Boxer boy 7 years ago and was off work for 3 weeks!!, still feels like yesterday. I think about him every week.

We got his ashes back and took 6 years to bury him, we decided to buy roses and name them after him.

If you're moving abroad I would take her with you so she's with her family. Our roses aint a shrine its a rememberance garden.

Take comfort in knowing she's safe and peaceful and she had the best life you could give her.

Take care and good luck, whatever you do will be right for you I'm sure.

[redhead23]

hey ulster ,
bless your heart its such a painul time
we put our dogs ashes in the woods he used to like . it does get easier in time i know u cant grasp that now but it does really xxxx all the best

[redhead23]

http://www.ashestoashes.com/

PLEASE CHECK THIS OUT IT MAY HELP YOU ALSO XX

[whiskysplits]

My God you poor lady, I have yet to suffer this kind if loss I have three labs and the eldest girl is 8 I think often about how I would cope if anything happened to her and I cry at the mere thought. Your story has touched my heart and I think you should take her ashes with you when you go, don't leave her behind you will never forgive yourdelf. Keep the ashes until you feel ready to let them go - you may never want to and. there is nothing wrong with that.. A move away and a new start will take your mind off your terible loss but you must take her. Your husband should understand, if he doesn't well, he will just have to get on with it. Don't worry about breaking down in front of the kids, they are surely missing her too and kids are so resilliant. you will feel better in time but you have to let the grieving process take its course it is a part of healing. Good luck to you and i am thinking of you, XXXXXX

[juliacornwal]

Sweetheart, my heart goes out to you. I had to have my beloved dog put down seven months ago, and I'm still crying over him. I miss him so badly that sometimes I think I hear him in the house, and as for his ashes, I have them in a little box beside my bed and I say goodnight and good morning to him every day.
My husband suggested, only once, that we scatter the ashes but I made it quite clear to him that I wasn't ready and that when I was I'd let him know. And, you know, getting over the death of an adored pet is every bit as hard as getting over the death of a much loved friend, and takes just as long, too.

[clydeserani]

I so know how you feel too. Like all of our other friends above.
I lost my tobydog, who was my soulmate after nearly seventeen years on 27 July last year. he was 8 weeks old when I became his mummy and he could sit on my hand. although I was totally skint I scrimped and saved to pay for his ashes.
Right now I can see his little box with his collar, two favourite photos, his tennis ball and a little candle my daughter carved his name into sitting with pride of place on my fireside mantlepiece.
When I picked up his little box from the vet I couldn't even speak. I didn't cry til I got in the car and broke my heart. I still cry often thinking about him not being here anymore.
I wanted to scatter his ashes in the local park which was his favourite place but I quickly decided that he should come to my grave with me.
3 days after his death I had the most wonderful dream that he came into my bedroom and was young and playful again. no sign of the arthritis or the cataracts and I swear I could almost hear him saying, "look mum, my legs are good again, look at my coat, its so soft and slinky again."
I miss my Tobydog so much and will never get over losing him.(I do have other pets but never like him) If there is an afterlife I know my boy will be waiting fo me. need to go now cause im crying big fat tears.

[leelapops]

Ulsternush I am so sorry. I read your post last night but was too upset to respond. There's nothing I can say to make you feel better, so I'll just echo the above comments.

Jack is my first dog, my soulmate, and it will break my heart when he finally goes, although he's only 2 and a half, so hopefully he'll be around for a while yet.

Do what you feel is right; you obviously loved her very much. The pain will take a long time to heal, so deal with it however you want to.

She'll be at rainbow bridge, waiting.

Lisa x

[Ulsternush]

I would like to thank everyone for their kind words after I posted this. I collected the ashes on Thursday and I have to say it made me feel a whole lot better cause she is now back home in a way.

I am going to buy a lovely wooden box and get a plaque engraved with her details on it, she is definately coming abroad with us when we move and after that we'll see what happens.

Thanks again.

[angie1981]

I lost my german shepherd at christmas. he was nearly 12 and i still miss him terribly. through choice i had his ashes because in a way i could still have him at home his ashes are in the living room by the spot where he used to sleep. i do still get upset but knowing that he's still with me in a way does help. I think it will take a long time to get over him but time does help.

[Illyria54]

So sorry to hear about the loss of your dog, they are family members and the grief we feel is the same as it would be for any other member of the family. The last German Shepherd I lost was almost 2 years ago and I am looking at his casket with his ashes in now, I haven't been able to bury them yet but I will....one day, take your dogs ashes with you, and when you are settled in your new home, find a lovely spot in the garden, buy a rose bush or pretty shrub to mark the spot, you will know when you are ready for this, it may take ages, I just hope your hubby is compassionate enough to be patient with you.
Take care.