on the verge of an affair!

[kitten_uk2]

ok heres a problem for you. me and my husband have been married 7 months, i love him to bits. but we are going through a bad patch at mo. ive previously wrote about him on his stupid game(wow) and paying no attention to me or our son, so i think this is what it stems from. anyway, recently i have heard from an ex of mine someone i loved very much and it broke my heart when we broke up. ive never stopped thinking of him and that was 4 years ago. i rung him and we have been texing and emailing, he says he wants to see me again etc.
so the problem is i just dont know what to do, the love of my life wants to see me, and im in 2 minds what to do.
ive been honest with my hubby and told him the situation, i need love and affection from HIM, not my x
but he is so wraped up in his game, and he now says he cant show me anything unless i get my ex out my head.
but i wouldnt even be writing this if me and my hubby were loved up. im blaming it on him and hes blaming it on me........... please help.

[girlygirl2]

Maybe a trial seperation would help you both? That way you can both experience being apart - if its any better or worse and then make an informed decision whether to carry on with your marriage.
How would you feel if he was in your shoes though?

[fine,thanks]

either sort out the relationship you are in at the moment, or terminate it. dont embark on a new relationship until you are single, if this previous man in your life has your best interests at heart he may require to be a bit patient,

[Suzyboo]

If you've only been married for 7 months, say you love your husband to bits and you have a child together then you shouldn't even stay in touch with the ex Make your marriage work

[wigglebum]

The grass isn't always greener honey

Your x maybe in touch because he knows your involved ie. married and this to him looks like a no strings attached kinda thing. No matter how crappy your marriage may seem, I'd give it a chance at least.

Cut ties with ex and see what happens with your hubby

Good luck hun, I don't envy you xxx

[cascarelli]

Your ex is exactly that - an ex. Forget about him and concentrate on your child, husband and marriage. Why on earth are you ringing up an ex?

[kitten_uk2]

my ex was the love of my life, like i said. ive never stopped thinking about him. but saying that he was an arse and was always eyeing up other ladies. but our relationship was so exciting because it wasnt the same everyday, like my life is now, im crying out for love from my hubby but he says e will give me nothing till i get my ex out my head. how can i do that when my hubby doesnt want to love me.

[kitten_uk2]

well yeah im quite close to his sis in law, she knows how bad he is on the game, she had words with him before xmas about it, but do i mention my ex coming to light,,, think that would make me look bad.

[~Wingnut~]

I think another thing you need to remember is you have a child now so even if you got back with your ex, it wouldn't be like it was last time as you would need to put your son first all the time. I doubt the excitment would be anywhere near what it used to be after a week or so.
I think you need to stand confident towards your husband, tell him he needs to work at this marriage just like you do and that if he isn't prepared to even try then what is the point?
You told your husband about the thoughts you have been having because you wanted to give your husband a shock to make him show he loves you. It didn't work tho and now he is being unreasonable to basically tell you he won't even try until you sort yourself out. If he refuses to work this out I can't see what else there is you can do.
Have you suggested going to relate together?

[kitten_uk2]

weve only been married 7 months,,,,,, dont think it right to be thinking about councelling together, i love my hubby, i really do, he is not a patch on my ex, but he refuses to change his ways,,, i surgested we cut the net off for a couple of months to concentrate on us and our son, it would hurt me as well as him because i love ebay!. but i think it would do us good. he wont tho. hes sticking to his guns that im in the wrong and theres no room for him in my head with my ex there.

[fine,thanks]

however long you have been married has no relation as to when impartial advice may help the relationship, no disrespect but either you want to continue with this marriage or terminate it. or do you quite fancy a wee affair ?

[cazzz1975]

you also have to remember the bad things about your ex, and although he says he has "grown up" I dont believe a leopard changes its spots.

councilling is a better option regardless of how long you have been together for, remember the relationship with your ex didnt last, maybe the guy you are with is not the one, screwing around on him will not help you make a decision...it will only hurt your family and upset your child

[~Wingnut~]

I think the fact you have only been married 7 months is a good reason to go to councilling together. He needs to see that yes prehaps you are wrong to be thinking about your ex but if he was more attentive and prepared to meet you half way then you wouldn't be thinking about your ex in the first place. Having a stranger to talk to may make him realise that he is being a tad selfish and needs to stop just blaming you. Also maybe you both talking over your feelings etc. will help both of you understand where each other are coming from.
How long are you going to carry on like this for? He sounds like he will keep this on for good. Why not? he's getting to play on his games all of the time, making you feel so guilty that you are doing all the hard work whilst he sits back not having to lift a finger.
I'm not suggesting you split up as that would be such a shame when you obviously love him so much and have only been married such a short time but what else is there that you can do?
Good luck kitten, I really hope you can solve this and your marriage gets back on track xx

[nutgoneflake]

Your hubby is the one putting obstacles in the way. Telling you to get your ex out of your head is a brilliant way of making it sound like your fault, your problem to solve, ball in your court etc all the while leaving him to play his game with what he feels is a clear conscience. I agree with the others about your ex - in your mind he's just an alternative to your reality. You'd probably be messed up if a complete stranger chatted you up somewhere too. The fact he's your ex means nothing really - it's just some welcome male attention!! The grass won't be greener, I can promise you. He won't be your son's dad, what you had before is in the past, and you split up with him once. He wasn't right then, and he won't be now. You need to cut all ties with him as this just confuses the actual problem, which is the computer game. Also, if your ex eyed up other women, as you say, then you being married is just a huge challenge for such a serial womaniser. It's arrogance on his part - 'Can I lure her away?' Bet I can!' I'd bet my last fiver on him losing interest in a single mum a few weeks down the line...
Get rid, confide in your sis-in-law when ex is off the scene, then you don't have to mention him if you don't feel comfortable with it. Don't forget it's not your fault!! xx

[Skreecheeboy]

Ditch your ex and start your own WOW account. Get a new PC if you have to. Quality game!

[Rubyrose]

Ok.... if the thought of losing you doesn't scare the cr@p out of him and make him want to do more to get to keep you then I'm sorry but I'd be heading for the door!

Tell him that the way he has acted towards you recently is what is driving you away and the fact that when you tell him about your ex, he doesn't take action is even less comforting and if he doesn't pull his finger out VERY SOON then he could lose you forever!

Thing is though... what do you want to do?
And please don't give the excuse of 'not wanting to leave because of the children' as so many people say this and stay in loveless marriages and this causes the children to be unhappy! The amount of people I know who have been so much happier since they broke up with someone and their children have noticed and been happier too. Also friends of mine who have been happier since their parents broke up! So no excuse there... the key is to do what makes you happy and your sons happiness will fall into place!

But... who will make you happy? Only you can work that one out but I know deep down, you already know the answer!

[somebyrd]

The love of your life ISN'T your husband ???!!!!

Its not the case of whether you have an affair or not tbh, its whether you want to stay with your husband and work things out but IMO things can never work if you are in love with someone else.

Can I ask why you broke up with your ex? 4 years is a long time in which to forget the bad times (like you have at the moment with your husband).

This man is offering you the excitement of a new relationship with the security and reassurance of familiarity - are you REALLY in love with this man or in love with the memory of what you once had, 4 years is also a very long time in which prople can change.

SB x

[Rubyrose]

You need to find out why your ex has contacted you and what he is after. If he has changed and regrets what you once had then perhaps there is a chance.. if not and he is just contacting you for the sake of a fling then get shot of him!

Either way though.. this won't change how you feel about your husband and it sounds very much to me like he is in the wrong! Nutgoneflake is exactly right! He has told you this to keep you busy so he gets to play his game guilt free and you sit and worry about your actions! I'd drop your son off with a friend and demand an hour of his time to sort your relationship out!