Breakdown

[reception]

I dont love my mum and dad, I feel bad about this but they arranged my marriage 32 years ago, and the the marriage broke doen 20 years ago I have been on my own liveing in the same house as him but a single life. I blame my parents for every thing for not helping me. I struggle on my own to bring up my kids and I am very lonley at times, I do not love any other man or my husband. is this a waste of life, now its too late for me.

[jackthehat]

You sound depressed, possibly clinically so. Your first port of call ought to be your GP. I don't necessarily believe in anti-depressants as a 'magic bullet' but I have seen at first hand how beneficial they can be.

You must feel very isolated and appear to have nowhere to turn to. Your GP may have details of some organisations that you can contact for some support.

The situation with your parents has got to be distressing but, hopefully, if you can get some support you can start to emerge from this black hole you have sunk into. Perhaps then you will be able to get better perspective on your life and can start to make decisions from a point of strength rather than feeling that you are at the mercy of others.

You may reach the same conclusion, that your parents have been the main cause of your difficulties, but hopefully at this point you will find the inner strength and peace to leave them and their interference behind and strike out for what you really want.

It may be a long and painful road, but would respectfully suggest that it will be a lot shorter than the journey you have been on for the past 32 years.

Chin up, love, it's a brighter better day out there........look after yourself.

[Ethel]

Your children must be adults now - time you for to take control of your life and move out.

It will be the hardest thing you have ever done - but the best. Your parents may be the instigators of your problems, but there is no need to carry it on.

[reception]

I have no choice the kids are grown up but getting married within a cultured soicety which forces me to remain with a man I do not even like. My actions will have ill - results on my kids life. I have to stay with him until I die.
I work - an not poor - own my own house a car. I don;t won a huband - a lover, a friend although I have known someone for the last 9 years and have slept with him but I do not love him - I needed his support mentally and when my kids were in trouble he was their, so I sleep with him to use him for those reasons and I trust him. he trusts me.
I am not saying am a good person but I do things to make a decent life for my kids. am I sad/?

[jackthehat]

I don't think there is much to add than has already been said. If the pull of your culture and its restraints is stronger than the thought of living a happy and fulfilled life I guess you'll be stuck forever.

I still maintain that a trip to your GP may be in order together with investigating the advice given by Legend007.

I wish you luck and the strength to change your life.

[Carakeel]

Nearly everything has been said. In your last sentence you ask is this a wasted life. You dedicated your life to being a good mother and sacrificed your own happiness to keep your family happy. No, yours is not a waste of life, but you do need to regain control of it in a way that gives you the respect you deserve and need and also gives you the freedom to be the person you want to be. About your negative feelings towards your parents, perhaps due to the culture they grew up in, they didn't know any other way. You say that you cannot change things because of the ill effects this would have on your children. Most likely your parents felt the same way ... that if they didn't arrange your marriage according to their culture, their actions would have ill effects on the rest of your family . It is a vicious circle. Sometimes the only way to change things is to break away and start anew. It is difficult, but the rewards can be great. I left a violent, bullying, wealthy husband because I feared for my life. The day I left I had all of �3 to my name and 3 young children. But, we were happy and safe and that was the most important thing. My now grown up children still say this was the best decision I ever made. That was many years ago. Today I share my life with the most wonderful man. He came to live with me two years ago this month. In all our time together we have never had cross words with each other. I am now 58 and feel so deeply loved by my darling RATTER, who is 49. So, it is never too late to change your life for the better. Seek advice from a support group as recommended. But please do not give up on yourself! You deserve to be happy! For that it is NEVER too late. Best wishes :o)