Nervous Breakdown! Help

[lostntired]

Hi, I am a manager of a retail store, permanent post, had lots to cope with however over the last year from husband cheating to bankruptcy, moving miles away from friends/family for my job. Now my problems have led me to find it impossible to cope with the enormous pressure to succeed at work and i have had a breakdown of sorts. I had been off for a few days - in quite a state when my boss phoned me at home and told me that it was not reasonable for me to go sick when a meeting had been set for the following week and that i didnt know what the content of that meeting was going to be. I have since discovered that the meeting was to discuss the performance of my store, which although is making a higher profit than last year the sales are lower. Mainly due to my tightening of spending etc. They have re-scheduled the meeting to when my current sick note ends. However I am in such a state i cannot see how i will be better by then. Can they insist i attend this meeting? Also my landlord is unhappy that i will not be able to afford where i am living whilst on the sick and am having to apply for housing benefit, we have more rooms in the house than the council allow for my daughter and i only so i will have to somehow find the shortfall. He has offered to evict me. What would that do to help me? any ideas? Please help. I have no one to ask these questions to and am so scared that i am screwing everything up for my daughter.

[saxy_jag]

If you're on the sick, then you cannot be forced to attend the meeting, as it's officially work and you're officially not supposed to be there, no matter how well or otherwise your store is doing. When your current sick note ends, if you still really cannot face work, then go back to your doctor and ask for another one. Do not let your boss bully you. If he/she writes to you, visits you or phones you at home, keep a record of this and try not to get into a discussion about the matter.

Get your boss, or, in the event of his/her likely reluctance to do so, the company's HR department, to refer you to an occupational health specialist, which you have a right to see. Failing which, you can refer yourself to them - again, you have a right to do this and it ultimately puts you in a stronger position. They will arrange counselling for you, if you feel the need to use it, and will act as an intermediary between you and your employer. My bloke's been going through something similar of late and OH have been a real lifeline for him.

You should also be able to get some help from your trade union, if you're in one. This is what they're their for.

As for your landlord, I'm not sure where you stand re. housing benefit. I know my rental agency tends not to accept new tenants who are on housing benefit. Maybe your local council's housing department would be able to advise you here. I'm not saying you'd immediately get a council place, but they could at least point you in the right direction. Social services may also be able to advise, maybe a combination of both departments, depending on the departmental structure of the council.

Take comfort from the fact that eviction isn't a speedy process. The whole process, from start to finish, typically takes several weeks, maybe around three months, and if you're trying hard to keep on top of your rent then a court is likely to come down in your favour.

[lostntired]

Thankyou so much, I feel so grateful that i have a way of looking at this in the positive. You really have lifted my spirits and thats not easy! I am sorry to hear that your advice is from experience and hope that things are looking good for you now. Thanks again x

[Neya]

Hello, lostntired,

You had to deal with a lot of problems in the last year, and I am not sure how many people would have done better than you! You are still going to work, you take care of your child, you are still on your feet. So, you're pretty good. Do not worry, nothing wrong will happen unless you'll let it happen.
The only thing that I say to help you is this: go out for a long walk and try to tranquil a little. When you succeeded to obtain a slightly better state, try to imagine that you can quit your job, leave the town, change the house and still survive. You can leave the job. Think of the days when you didn't have this job. You were still alive and going, right?
This technique consists of a simple thing. It puts you in the place where you see you control things. If you succeed to see things like that even for 5 minutes, it will be enough to take all the pressure. Just see things like a crazy young girl who doesn't have anything to lose - for few minutes. Laugh at your stupid bosses and tell yourself you're stronger than them and you can leave them anytime. Try it for a few moments. And the pressure will substantially decrease.
JUST UNDERSTAND THAT THERE ARE OTHER WAYS ROUND, TOO.
Great wishes,
Neya

[lostntired]

Thanks neya
Really appreciate your support. I just feel i have let everyone down. Thought about applying for a lower stressed job but had practically a panic attack at the stage of thinking it through so i know its not just this job that i cant handle, its just everything right now. Thank goodness for my daughter who is my lifeline. x