Non stop phone calls! What do I do?

[lil75]

I feel guilty writing this but a mate of mine just doesnt stop ringing me, I know she has had problems with her ex husband and I have given her every answer I can possibly think of, this has been going on for months, she will ring 1st thing in the morning and talk for an hour to an hour and a half, and will then ring again when its time to make dinner later in the early evening.

I have a biggish house, a partner and 2 children to take care of and she doesnt take this into consideration, and I reckon on average I spend at least 16 hours a week on the phone to her, its getting silly now, sometimes my partner comes home from work and his dinner isnt even started cos ive been stuck on the phone! I do tell her that I have things to do, but she takes it on board for all of 5 mins and carries on going on about the same thing, her ex, that we have been discussing for months on end. The questions are always the same as are my answers

I dont want to upset her, or ignore her calls, but how do I wean her off me as its getting out of control. I have helped her in every way possible but it is repetative and I cant keep spending that amount of time on the phone, I have my children to think of and would rather spend some quality with them rather than this amount of hours on the phone in a week. What can I do to get it to calm down a bit?

[MiniN]

lil, if you speak to her in the morning tell her you won't be able to talk to her later the same day because you have plans. do this to wean her off you.

try introducing more positive topics in to the conversation as well. start talking about yourself too. don't let her keep dwelling, its not good for her.

[lil75]

Legend758, im not sick of her, just sick of the same thing over and over again, I change the conversation but it always ends up back to the same thing aarrrrggghhhhh lol!

[Ethel]

Tell her to go to the doctor's and ask to be referred to a counsellor.

Next time she rings, tell her you are up to your eyes in housework with the kids at home, and you will ring her on Thursday morning for a natter.

You have to be firm.

[andrea81]

I know how you must feel, I think you are a nice person who doesn't want to upset her. And I you know that you should be speding more time with you family.

The trouble you have is wanting to please everyone, but this isn't going to be possible!

What about having you husband to answer the phone and he can say that you are in the bath or having dinner etc...

I don't suppose you have it in you to have caller Id and ignore her call???

x x x

[lil75]

She is having counselling already! She has many friends but keeps coming back to me! She doesnt want him back but wants explanations of why he has acted in the way he has and done the things hes done...I only met him once briefly so am going by what shes telling me, I do feel bad for her as she lost her home, her husband and her mum died all in a space of a few months, but this was over a year ago!

[lil75]

Legend758 your hilarous and ive told her about it already!

[mrs.chappie]

I think you should be straight with her and tell her that you would love to chat, but you have lots to do. If she is a good friend, she will understand.

Or if she has a computer, why not introduce her to AB? Lots of folk on here would be happy to offer her advice - and she could talk all day long!

:o)

[MiniN]

lil why dont you just arrange to meet up with her regularly like once a week/fortnight and tell her your so busy this is the best option?

[mrs.chappie]

Sorry for repeating legend's post - when I started typing, his wasn't there!

Note to self: Must take typing lessons and learn to type faster.

[lil75]

Legend758, what do you mean where am I?

[CathH]

I am sure your friend really appreciates the support you have given her. I have been in your friends' situation and I know it helped to have an understanding friend.
She will be feeling lonely and needs to know that someone cares.
I do think though that you must be firm with her and say that she cannot be on the phone all day. if she rings on a morning tell her that you have plans that day and you will ring her later in the evening. That way you can be in control. Also, if she rings at an awkward time, dont be afraid to say to her that you are busy preparing dinner etc and will call her back.

[lil75]

Legend758:- Yep course where in england! Essex in fact! Who is Croydon Commando? Never even heard of him!