Problems

[sophie30]

Me and my partner have been having problems the last few months, mainly because of money (shortage of it). Over the xmas period we had a lot of arguements and I asked him to go stay at his mums for a few days so I could think, which he did, and I came to the conclusion that a lot needed to be sorted financially between us (he earns a lot more money than me, and seems to do as he pleases, where as I cant afford to) thngs were unfair money wise and it needed to be addressed......he came back and we ended up argueing again, I told him I had had enough and that he should go for good, I did this as a scaring tactic as I wasnt being heard, and maybe a shock would give him the kick up the backside he needed. In the next breath he was straight on the phone to his mum, a person with whom I have had many a problem with as she doesnt like me, we pretend to get along for his sake....the events after that just got worse as his family were all prepared to drop there plans to come over to the flat and help him move out...I ended up exploding and made a point that this was between me and him and nothing to do with them, he couldnt understand my point at all, and I said that splits are never normally amicable and that emotions are running high and tempers can flare easily and that people should keep out. I made it clear that if they turned up I would start kickin off and I meant it...they didnt come in the end. All I wanted was to be heard! I feel his family are always there, lurking in the background, and despite the fact that I told him after there recent involvement, I felt I despised them again, he still defended them saying they were trying to help...what carting all his stuff away...very constructive!!! They were rude to me in the beginning, didnt want to know, they have never liked me, why I dont know??? I just want to gather a few opinions on his families interferance please...sorry if it doesnt make sense very much but I am rushing to type it before he comes back!!!

[pericat]

Im so sorry about all this happening at this time to you sophie. It does sound as if he is a bit immature and relying on his family too much. Your relationship is your business and should be sorted without his family around. Maybe this is the time to cut ties and move on (as you are doing).

[bednobs]

imagine you were in the situation where he told YOU you would have to move out - you would hope that your friends/family could come and help you do it wouldn't you? you asked him to go then blame them when they want to help him!

[B00]

Agree with bednobs im afraid.

Can't blame the guy for acting upon your words. You might have been throwing a tantrum and just stamping your feet for attention but he wasn't to know that was he?

Not quite sure what your question is here, if any? Are you asking why is parents dont like you?

[Seadragon]

I'm with Pericat on this one. I do think his family are acting somewhat hastily. Where is the mediation in this? Has no-one from his family - parents, siblings etc asked you to think about this and maybe try and sort things out between you two instead of taking his stuff away? Maybe as you say if they never liked you in the beginning they are happy that there are problems in the relationship?

I think if this sounds about right then yeh tell them to butt out and maybe try a different tactic in talking to your partner? Throwing him out may not have been the best thing. As you say it has been a difficult period recently. Maybe sit down and talk about how you both are going to address these money problems as you want this relationship to work? Sorry got to go but wish you all the best.

[jno]

well, hang on, you ask him to leave and he starts making plans to do so. Did you think he'd hire Eddie Stobart or Norbert Dentressangle or someone to do it rather than his family? Basically, he called your bluff.

Yes, if you have problems you should try to sort them out between yourselves - but telling him to get out should be your last move, not your first one.

But now you've done it, it gives you the chance to ask yourself - do you actually want him back? Just how bad are your problems? Do you think he's actually willing to work on solving them? If he isn't, what then?

[Androcles]

I think question 1 Sophie has to be what do you really want the outcome of this to be? That you get back together and sort out your problems, or just to be rid of him. Once you know what your objective is, then you can work a little more calmly towards it.

At the moment , as the others have said, you are giveing him some mixed messages, and it sounds like you don't really know what message you want to send really. Take overnight to think about it and get clear if you think the relationship is saveable or not and hopefully you can both approach it more rationally.

We can't tell you what to do, or if his family are interfering, the only real advice is to try and think carefully before it reaches a stage where nobody has control of the situation any more, which it sounds as if it is approaching.

Good luck and best wishes for getting it sorted.

[brenda]

Sorry-- I don't think this guy is the soul mate for you. He sounds very immature and too wrapped up in his family who seem ready on the starting blocks to go to his aid. quit whilst you are ahead and get rid of him .He sounds a right baby.

[tillyh345]

Agree with bedknobs.

You wanted him out......he had to get help from someone why not his family.I think u r just miffed bcos he was going to go. That I think proves that you two are not meant for each other. Sorry prob not what u want to hear. But I think most people turn to their families for advice and help in situation such as this.

[TTG]

Move on and find a man...not a boy.

[york310]

So you're unhappy he earns and spends more money than you. You're unhappy he has support from a family you don't like. You're unhappy he left when you threw a hissy fit and told him to.

Maybe you will be happier without him?