Returning to work

[jb190281]

I didnt know whether to put this in Jobs or Body & Soul so apologies if Im in wrong section!

Im due to go back to work tomorrow, after suffering a miscarriage last weekend. Physically, I feel fine to go back, but Im not sure if I do emotionally. I still feel quite upset by the events of the past 2 weeks, and Im prone to bursting into tears at random moments! How long should I feel like this before going back to my GP with my concerns? And any tips from AB'ers as to how I should handle the next few days back at work..?

[China Doll]

If you're prone to bursting in to tears and not someone who can get stuck in to a bit of work and have it distract them from everything else, (I'm not very good at this either) then I would probably go to GPs in the morning and get signed off for another couple of weeks. There's no point in stressing yourself out mroe but equally don't leave returning to work too long otherwise it will come to seem like one of those massive hurdles you can't get over. It's still all quite raw though and I think another week of TLC would not do you any harm.

[craft1948]

If you're still suffering bouts of weeping you shouldn't be going back to work. Make an appointment to see your GP who I'm sure will offer some help. I believe there are people you can ring for advice who specialise in helping people who have gone through the same thing.
My sympathies and I hope you feel better soon.

[sara3]

firstly, I'm sorry for your loss.

you do have to prepare yourself for the work scenario. do they know? will people say anything? they may want to offer words of sympathy, which always starts the waterworks for me!

a week is no time at all. I assume your boss knows? explain that you're going to see how you get on and if you feel like you need more time off, then take it. see your GP if you feel you need to, but this is very early and you shouldn't be pushing yourself to feel like anything.

take care x

[4getmenot]

sorry about your loss. You wont know how you will cope until you go back. Go in tomorrow and see how you feel. You may find that keeping busy will take your mind off things.

[jb190281]

Thanks for all your comments. I have told 1 person in work, as well as my boss - so the rest of the team have apparently been speculating as to why Ive been off. Im wondering whether I can lie well enough without crying!
I think what Sara said is a good way - tell my boss that I dont know how Im going to be, so I'll be taking one hour at a time!
For some reason, everything seems a million times worse today, maybe because I thought I was getting 'on with things' but obviously not. I dont know how Im meant to be feeling and I dont know how long it should take to start feeling 'normal' again.
Excuse the rant everyone..

[ladyalex]

So sorry for your loss.

This site might be worth a look.
http://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/

Miscarriage is a bereavement and really a week is no time at all. I should not be a surprise to anyone that you are still weeping from time to time.
As to how long it will take until you start to feel 'normal' again, I'm afraid that nobody knows the answer to this....only that as time passes you will feel less sad.
Look after yourself and do what is best for you whether that is going back to work part time, full time or having another week or three at home.
I think it would , however, be only fair to tell your boss what has happened to you and how conflicted you are feeling about going back to work.
All the best.

[Picky]

Hi JB

I'm so sorry to read about your loss, it's such a terrible time. I had 2 miscarriages between the 2 baby Pickys, one at 6 weeks and one at just over 11 weeks and it is was awful to have to go back to work. From my experience, if you're still feeling weepy and sad - which you are totally entitled to be, you may be best off to take some more tine off. It's been no time at all for you and you need time to grieve. This may sound cliched and not really what you want to gear at the mo, but the raw pain you feel after does fade, although you'll never forget. Again, I'm so sorry for your loss and hope you've got lots of support and getting lots of hugs.

Take care, Px

[fiona82]

Hi Hun

So sorry for your loss x

I suffered a miscarriage last year at 11 weeks, i was devastated and had 4 weeks off work, i knew when i was ready to go back, and didnt go back a day before! Work were brilliant about it, really understanding- the worse thing to do it to go back before you're ready, if you're still weepy, then why not have an extra week or so off? your GP or even someone up at the hospital (im presuming you went?) should write you a sick note for as long as you need, if you're sure you're ready to go back then just see how you get on, i was quite overwhelmed when i got back to work- as only a few people knew why i had been off, so the rest were asking me every two minutes if 'i'd been ill' so it was upsetting.

Hope you're ok & you start feeling better soon x

[4getmenot]

How did it go?

[zzxxee]

sorry for your loss its a strange thing a misscarrige there is a loss but no body or funeral. it took me weeks before i felt right again i had a couple about 15 yrs ago
the misscarrige assosiation have councillers i will try and find their number for you and get back to you later
i suggest you need a little more time xxxx

[jb190281]

its not been too bad. ive told 1 girl who im good friends with, but the rest think i was off with a bug. whilst i was off last week, i mustve been talked about, because they were told to back off when i got back!
both yesterday and today though, ive got home and burst into tears. i almost feel guilty for trying to move on.
i would appreciate that phone number if you can find it, even if it turns out to be a quick chat. thank you.

[ladyalex]

I gave you the link to their web page in my answer, but here are the phone numbers.

Call us on 01924 200799 or,
if you are in Scotland, on 0131 334 8883.
I'm sure it will help to chat to them.

http://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/