What Would You Do ?

[DEN53]

I have just realised my Mum's wedding ring is missing from her hand. As some of you may know, we had her moved from one Care Home she was in on the 30th November to the one she is in now. She always had the ring on, but on the day she was moved to the new Care Home, they took photos of her hands and arms (very bad bruising) and the ring was definately missing.

We checked her file yesterday and on the inventory, no gold wedding ring was mentioned amongst her belongings when she arrived.

Have been telephoning the old Care Home all morning and they are giving me the round around. Manager on the phone, busy, blah blah blah....

I know what I would like to do, but that would involve violence - so what do you think my next move should be ?

[NazNomad]

Forget the phone runaround ...go there.

[ummmm]

Yep...go there in person.

[lumination]

go tot he care home with the proof she didnt have the wedding ring on and confront them. this is horrible though Den, i do hope you sort it out. x

[DEN53]

Well, thats what I was going to do, Naz and Ummmm - but thought would try the phone approach first.

[LoftyLottie]

DEN. So was the ring taken off before she got to the new care home. If so I would check that it wasn't taken off for medical reasons. Mum had to have hers taken off when her fingers swelled. It may be that it was put in a safe at the old care home and it has merely been overlooked. Can you just turn up and the care home rather than ring. Have you told them why you are phoning and is that why they are avoiding you!!

I would check this out first before doing anything.

Oh, Den I really do know how you feel. There are so many things that happened to my Mum in care homes before she went to the last one and I wish I had been more proactive and taken people to task, but I was always a bit worried that it would be taken out on my Mum.

Love Lottie

[daftgrandad]

Agree with Naz and ummmm,but forget your last paragraph.
Frustrating as it is,that approach will get you nowhere.

[LoftyLottie]

You could write a letter and copy it to Social Services! In your letter you could demand a reply to your queries and tell them if you don't get a satisfactory reply you are taking it further. They take the letter in personally. If it is in writing they don't have a get-out!! x

[DEN53]

Hello Lottie - The copies of the photos of Mum's hands and arms are on file at the new Care Home, I did take copies on my phone yesterday, but like a plonker that I am, I forgot to press the 'store' button on my phone, so I lost the photos.

I have a review meeting at the new Home this Friday, with Social Worker and staff, so will get another copy of photos.

[redman41]

All the best DEN53 ! Sorry about your current problems, no end to it is there DEN !

[DEN53]

Thanks Lumi - I will take the photos with me (they are quite shocking).

Daftgrandad - if you saw these photos, you would feel violent also towards them - the missing ring is just rubbing salt in the wound. I will restrain myself though..

[LoftyLottie]

Den, have they been tackled by anyone about the bruising?

[lumination]

i would be fuming too. i completely understand you may just wanna give them a little seeing to. but being nice will make them feel the situation is easier and that are and understanding person (even if at the time your thoughts are very violent!). if you go in there shouting at them being all in their face they wont want to talk to you and just pass you off.
its annoying but it might get you further...

[rowanwitch]

If you get nowhere inform the police and also the social services inspectorate and tell them about all the concerns you have especially the bruising which is what you normally get from 'grabbers' care assistants who grip too tightly when trying o control those in their care ring wise ...It may be she fiddled with it and lost it quite innocently though (I know this is unlikely especially in view of the other stuff you have told us about the home....)

[DEN53]

Lottie - I am informed Mum's Social Worker and he will see the photos on Friday.

Rowan -The Head Nurse at New Home has said my Mum is no problem and cannot understand why they would have had to restrain my Mum at the old Care Home.

In fact I phoned this morning to her new Care Home, just to confirm that the ring was'nt on the inventory and as this carer was going through Mum's file, she said 'good god' when she came across the photos - she also confirmed my Mum is a sweetie and no problem.

Lumi - I can charm the birds out of the trees, but cross me and thats another matter.

Vibra - I was think Police aswell, but I have to get my proof first.

[DEN53]

Sorry Redman, should have said Hi to you. xx


Thanks for all your replies, I know now what I will do.

[rowanwitch]

Den...some 'carers' seem to get a kick out of being rough... unless your mum has a clotting problem or fragile blood vessels perhaps due to steroids there are very few other reasons for the bruising... and the same type of individual wouldn't think twice about opportunistic theft I suspect... can any other members of your family wh9o visited back you up...don't go en masse but don't go on your own either

[~Wingnut~]

Hi Den, I just wanted to say I'm so sorry to hear about your Mum and how bloody shocking it is! Thats just terrible. I must admit my first thought was the police but your right, you need to gather your facts and evidence first.
I feel so angry for you so God knows how you must be feeling. I hope you manage to get to the bottom of this and that your Mum receives the care she deserves (it certainly sounds like she has moved to a better care home) xxx

[LoftyLottie]

Good luck DEN53. Your Mum has you to fight her corner. What really upsets me is the amount of elderly people who have noone. Unfortunately, although there are loads of really caring carers and staff in care homes there is also a proportion of really dreadful ones who like to exert the authority over vulnerable people. Simply dreadful.

You must be so tired of all this. I know how I felt when I was in a similar situation. x

[flobadob]

That would be really annoying but I would just say to try and keep a level head for a while just in case there has been an innocent mistake made. Not easy I know.