My Classmate Makes Me Uncomfortable

[Eloise23]

i am in highschool and my classmate who i see as a friend makes me very uncomfortable. she has a disability, nobody else really talks to her except me. we were made to sit together a year ago and it seemed like we shared the same interests but sooner she showed me that she is actually very dirty minded. she started asking me if i knew these stuffs and touched me in ways i didn't like, looked at me in ways that i didnt like even stands wayyy too close to me that i can hear her breathing in my ears and its only that she does it with me and nobody else. I made new friends this year and they are quite nice with her too but she only follows me around. She shows me weird and sexual hand gestures which honestly makes me more uncomfortable and annoyed. whenever i try to talk to her about these things she changes the topic. yes she can be nice somethings but thats only for some time. I am nice to her but sometimes i cant control it and shout at her or smack her hand away whenever she touches my hand, i do apologize to her afterwards and she says its okay and changes the topic to something else again. The girl likes to tell stories but not write them, she asks me for suggestions about her story because she knows that i write stories too. Her most recent story that she asked me advice for was about 5 mafias that kidnap a girl for no reason and apparently most of them like her and she ends up pregnant. my only suggestion was that they die because all of them were not suitable to even be mafias from the way she described them. they would have died in the beginning of the story in the most common way. I have tried talking to my mom about this but she tells me not to be mean to her because she already has problems to go through. I cant really say this to any other family members because we are not that close. My friends know about this and yes they take me away from her most of the time whenever she comes to us, i do feel bad but i feel its better. Yesterday when we had to go to the school hall for some speech, she sat with me and my friend was not there with me at that time because she had to be in her class and the girl didnt do a lot, she just tried to touch me a few times but i didnt mind it. My friend came after some time and sat between us after making the girl move a seat away, my friend sat next to me now. But she went uncomfortable as well and after asking me to switch seat so many times i felt exhausted so i ended up agreeing and sitting next to the girl. she touched my thigh, hands and shoulders. i kept telling her not to and she asks me why i let the other people touch me but not her! no one else touches me in the way she does, i had given her chances to hold my hand a few times but she did not treat it right. After that she kept asking for my hand again and again and that was when she started touching my hand, face, hair and everywhere else without my consent. i dont know what i should do or who i should ask this to because i know since we are both girls and she does not do this to anyone else in the school they wont take it seriously, or they will definetly think i am being mean to her because of her problems. I really tried to be her friend but she should not do those things because i feel uncomfortable and sad. i dont know where i should be asking this. I just need to know what i should do, i will accept whatever the answer is. please let me know.

[Canary42]

This is very difficult to answer over the internet. This unfortunate girl had serious problems and your sym[atetic attitude is very commendable, but I feel that you (and her) require professional help. Is there nobody within your academic environment designated for such a service ?  If not (and you are UK-based which I think might not be the case) ask someone like Samaritans (they deal with more than suicidals I understand) to point you in the right direction - or wait to see if any further suggestions arise her.

Good Luck (your kindness deserves it)

[Canary42]

*has serious problems and your sympathetic

[andy-hughes]

I would agree with Canary on this.

Your friend is clearly not able to understand social boundaries, and what constitutes acceptable behaviour.

I am sure if you approach your tutor, or head of pastoral care, that this can be resolved.

Explain to them that it is not her friendship that makes you uncomfortable, but her inclination to express it by touching you in a way that makes you uncomfortable.

They will be aware of the pupil's specific issues, and be able to sort things out for you moving forward.

[Eloise23]

unfortunately there is no one nearby who wants to listen to this and it makes me feel evil to ask someone about this. I will be leaving this school in 5 months but until then, her coming to me in class and staring at me during classes makes it harder to focus on studying. I will try to my best to talk to someone offline about this!

thank you for replying so early, i really needed someone to talk about this to. Thank you 

[andy-hughes]

Eloise - I understand why you feel that no-one wants to listen to your problem, but believe me, they do, and they will.

Your head of year, or your pastoral care supervisor will listen, and understand, and sort the issue.

It feels uncomfortable for you, but they deal with issues like this all the time, and they will not think badly of you, or judge you for talking about it.

Hopefully you can have a word with someone and get this sorted - you'll feel much happier when you do.

[Eloise23]

thank you so much! 😄

[roopower]

Please talk to someone at school. There should be special needs staff who would be able to offer advice. My daughter does this in a high school and the staff have an understanding of all sorts of behaviours. This young lady obviously has no social barriers and doesn't know where to stop like you do and she won't  understand. This young lady is lucky to have someone who is so patient - a lot of people would have given up by now.

[roopower]

I'm not sure if you are in England so SENCO staffing may ge different or not exist!