My fiancé's joke feels like the truth, how can I get through it?

[JustMeAlone]

My fiancé jokingly told me that he moved in with me to be away from his Dad and that he doesn't really love me last night. We were joking around and playing when he said it, but his words have sunk deep and I'm scared he might just be "going with the flow". We were friends 2 years then got together and have been together as a couple for 3 years, engaged for 1. His home life with his Dad was always a bit bombastic as his Dad used to shout profanities at the TV, not do any of the housework and had over £10k in debt which scared my fiancé in case they lost thier home. I know I should take it as a joke, but my head is telling me there is more to his words than I might be led to believe. Should I be worried or am I overlooking things? We've only lived together 12 days, so things are still a bit fresh! Thanks for your help!

[jno]

people shouldn't make jokes like that, but it's probably just a joke. He didn't have to move in with you or anyone to get away from his dad, after all, he could just have got a flat. The fact that he's been worried by his father's debts is a good sign that he won't do the same himself.

Give it a lot more than 12 days and you'll see whether it's working out or not.

[JustMeAlone]

He used to have an overdraft he used as and when, once he discovered the extent of his Dad's debts he hasn't used it since! The fact he wanted a flat with me would suggest otherwise, but my head has just been drilling through a thousand different thoughts, especially as I do all the housework with him working 40 hours per week!

[carmalee]

talk to him and tell him how uneasy you are by his remarks - you may well just be a bit oversensitive - even so, it has made you uncomfortable and needs sorting -

[grasscarp]

I have always done "all the housework", plus all the shopping, cooking, clothes washing etc. I dont know many men who do much although my work colleagues include men who claim to do some ironing!
Why would your fiance get engaged to you if he doesnt love you? Actions speak louder than words so just get on with living together and enjoy yourselves.

[JustMeAlone]

Well yes, as I do. Basically anything not work related I see to, I don't mind that as he works hard so it's only right he should be able to come home to a tidy home, a meal and clean clothes. But what I mean is up to how much he had to do while living with his Dad I feel like a bit of a blessing as ity's now all done for him.
I think he loves me in his own way perhaps, he's not had the upbringing I've had, with support and care, and he's been taken for a fool by far too mnay women, so now he has someone who would kill for him he's a little confused how to respond.

[grasscarp]

you sound a caring person Justmealone and he is a lucky man. Just bear in mind that men are not good at saying the words women want to hear.

[JustMeAlone]

Thanks grasscarp. I think that may be the problem, we do banter a lot and we tend to tease one another about our weaknesses to make light of situations (he's dislexic, I have a neuropathic condition) but I think his jokes last night went a few steps beyond the comfort zone.

[joko]

hes been with you 4 years...if this was the reason he was moving in with you he'd have done it much sooner...

it was likely a daft joke