I Had A To-Do With My Niece Last Weekend.

[Jenarry]

I'll try and keep this brief but just need to let off steam more than anything. I had my 7 year old niece over to stay last weekend.
I picked up her easter sunday lunchtime and we all went out for a nice walk.
Had tea ,played on my son's wii (he's 7 years old too) and got ready and went to bed. Perfect.
The next day as planned we took my son and niece bowling for the first time and we all had a good fun couple of hours. went home had tea same as evening before and all was dandy. it hadn't been planned for my niece to stop another night but everything was fine. she talked to her mum on the phone around 6.30 and her mum asked her if she wanted to stay and she said yes. and that was good for me as we was having a family meal the next day for my mum's birthday so my niece could join us too.
around 8 my mum rang just to confirm times for the meal and I told her ellisha would be joining us. all good. during the conversation with my mum i mentioned bedtime for the kids and then again when i put the phone down and all hell let loose!!!
my 7 yr old niece started to have a crying fit that she wanted her mum and she wanted to go home. proper screaming and whailing with a hissy fit worthy of a 3 yr old. It was awful.
we don't carry on like this in our house so it was a bit of a shock especially as she had been right as rain right up to the mention of bed.
she asked to ring her mum which i refused until she stopped crying . and so i gave her the phone once she calmed down and she started whailing and crying all over again to her mum on the phone.and her mum is telling me to bring her home if she wants to come home which didn't help.
I really didn't want to give her her own way but she was getting herself into such a state. and then when i said i would take her home she was right as rain and happy as larry so talk about crocodile tears.
I was so upset and annoyed with her and I had tried to reason with her during her tantrum and after but she all she was concerned about was getting her way.
i was talking to her in the car and she was fine and when we got home and then soon as she see her mum she turned it all on again . screaming and crying like I'd done something to upset her.
I told her mum and dad how naughty she had been and it was all due to bedtime and they didn't tell her off just laughed it off and made excuses for her behaviour while her big sister was giving her a big hug like I'd done something to her.
I've been really upset by this. I love spending time with my niece but when she turns into this tantrum throwing screaming spoilt child after we have given her a lovely time it really disappoints and hurts me.
So a week later I have heard through my mum that my name is mud and my niece's mum and my brother are annoyed at me for upsetting their child!
I was hoping they would be having a chat with her about this bad behaviour but instead they have decided it's my fault. I really can't believe it and I'm struggling to get my head around it. any words of advice about this.
i really worry about my 7 yr old niece still using this behaviour at her age. and her parents doing nothing to stop her. :O(

[murraymints]

Over indulged brat !! Don't have any more sleep overs..

[emmie]

tell them you won't be repeating the exercise.

[Brinjal]

Shame it ended like that. I wouldn't make too much of it and if she comes to stay again make it one night only. They do start to miss home if away too long. Also if it should happen again I would phone the mum and say please can you come and get her as she wants to go home.

[ummmm]

Wait until she hits puberty!!

[friedgreentomato]

I had exactly the same problem with one of my nieces, except at the time I lived in londong and my sister lived in cambridge.

they came and picked her up, but I have to say I have never seen a child cry in such a heart wrenching manner and then stop when they knew their mum was coming.

I think your over reacting a bit the comment ' we don't behave this way' the child was upset.

The simple answer is don't let her sleep over again.

Oh and I did it to my nanna too I was about 6 I did not stay on my own at my nanna's again until i was 12!

[RATTER15]

What exactly did you say about bed time that upset her?

[rockyracoon]

Unfortunately the parents of brats wear rose tinted glasses, I'd just let it blow over and if looking after her is brought up again just say no, the child will inevitably ask at some point so just say no to her as well, and tell her why.

My daughter was the world champion of tantrums throwers but fortunately she never ever did it when someone else was looking after her (she saved it all for me) ;)

[ummmm]

Mt grandparents took me on holiday when I was about 10. I broke out in lumps all over my neck. I was diagnosed with home sickness!

Although I was having a lovely holiday I was subconsciously really missing my parents.

[ummmm]

Having a hissy fit doesn't make the child a brat.

How many parents haven't experienced some sort of over reaction?

At 7 most kids would struggle to articulate their feelings or even understand them.

[EvianBaby]

Just forget it. Kids have tantrums. and 7 isn't too old to be having a hissy fit. You want to see the teenagers in my family.

[RATTER15]

I'm thinking along the same lines ummmm.

[rockyracoon]

I think kids do Ummmm, my nephew is the same age as my son and he stayed with me a lot, one night at bedtime he came down crying but not in a tantrum way, just very upset, he really wanted his dad for a cuddle. Poor thing, he made do with one from me and a promise of lots of inappropriate things for breakfast. Sometimes kids just take a wobble.

[murraymints]

Manipulation by a child using crocodile tears=brat...would never happen here..in my home adults are in control not children !!

[ummmm]

I was like that. My dad, even when he was out for the night, always came in to give us a kiss and tell us he loved us. As a child you don't realise how much you rely on that routine.

[AlwaysConfused]

It sounds like your brother and his OH are trying to shift blame because they are embarrassed of either their daughters behavior or their parenting skills. However, I would not have told them that she had been naughty, it probably made them feel guilty. Maybe she didn't want to go to bed because she was having so much fun at your house? Children need either a set bedtime, or a little notice that bedtime is looming. I'd be upset if I was suddenly told to turn off my computer/TV etc and go to bed.

[Cloverjo]

Uhh. How horrible. You'd have thought the parents would have seen through the girl's bad behaviour, and thanked you for giving her a nice time, and also for bringing her home. Why couldn't one of them have come to pick her up? It sounds like your sister in law is a pretty selfish person, herself. She should have asked you if it was ok for the girl to stay the extra night, rather than ask the girl if she wanted to stay, first.
You know you did nothing wrong. Your brother and his wife are in the wrong. Could your mum have a chat with them about it? If they don't change their thoughts about you at least they won't ask you to mind their spoilt brat for a while.

[ummmm]

A bit harsh considering the limited facts.

What would you expect the parents to do? Give the child a slap and tell her to grow up?

If my child was returned home and started crying my instinct would be to cuddle my child.

[netibiza]

Poor child, she obviously wanted her mum. She was having a good time with you but homesickness kicks in anytime, and the fact that she was crying even if not real tears, was her way of showing that she wanted to go home, she's only 7. She wasn't being naughtly at all. I would have asked her parents to collect her though! I've had a friend here of my daughter's who was 13 and wailed to go home halfway through the night!

[netibiza]

Agree with Ummm on this.

[grasscarp]

I too am in the ummm camp. 7 is called the age of reason because it represents the time about which you can reason with a child and before that tou can't. It by no means that your niece at that age is able to fully behave herself as you expected her to. She is also at the age when she wants to appear independent but may suddenly really miss her mother. I can remember to this day a school friend (older than 7 by a few years) coming to stay with me then crying all night for her mother.
If you want to let off steam that's all I will say. This kind of thing happens.
If you want advice I would say repair relations asap. My sister and I didn't speak for ages over something silly over her children, which I can't even remember what it was now.
This is your family and she is your, very young, niece.