To All You Mothers Out There ...

[NoraBatty]

My 33 yr old son put a message for fathers day on Facebook today praising his father, that he's also his best friend & how much he loves him etc. Also a few weeks ago he put a poem about fathers on his fb page too, with similar love and admiration for him.
This really annoyed me as he never says these things about me on fb, neither did he give me a mention on Mothers day on there.
This has really upset me so I text my son to say that he doesn't consider other peoples feelings & that he was so insensitive, rub it in. Do you think I'm being unreasonable? (His father & I divorced 31 yrs ago)

[Mamyalynne]

While I can understand you are a bit piqued, I would not have responded and let it slide.

[jno]

which of you was the main person who raised him?

It may be if it was you that he's just taking you for granted and getting sentimental about a father he didn't know so well.

How does he treat you in real life, as opposed to FB?

[NoraBatty]

Hi jno
I was the main person who raised him, but he's always had his father in his life too.
I've always thought that he favoured his Father over me, as his Father is better off financially & is his only child. But I've given up a lot for him in the past & I feel so unappreciated & used. Don't get me wrong I know lots of children favour one parent more than the other BUT don't rub it in my face. Say it in a card or to his face ....

[Connemmara]

nora don't have kids myself - but by golly know all about them - he doesn't mean it - young, self-centred and loves the person that didn't rear him.

[NoraBatty]

It's just the same as if I went on FB and praised & showed my love for my daughter & left him out ....

[jno]

that's the thing, though, Nora, people don't just say things in private anymore, they tell the world via FB.

How important it is when something's not on FB... hard to say. But it does sound like he still thinks he has to impress his father by publicly proclaiming him, whereas he's content that he has your love and doesn't need to tell everyone.

[craft1948]

Maybe he's not that keen on you............

[NoraBatty]

Exactly craft1948 ... Then I wonder where I went wrong & what have I done so bad. Everytime a relationship of his ended, he would return home to me. It's only been about 18 months since he moved out again.

[jno]

maybe he's still trying to cut free and leave home, then. Most people do that years earlier and then re-establish relations with their parents on a more equal footing; but these days it can take a lot longer.

I wouldn't worry about it - that on its own doesn't mean you've been a bad mum. It just means he's emotionally rather younger than 33.

[starone]

You haven't done anything wrong Nora, but you were the one who raised him and presumably you were the one who had to discipline him and try to keep him on the straight and narrow. Believe me, no matter how hard you tried you will not be thanked for this. The one who will get the praise is the one who had him weekends and a few holidays and who took him to all the places you never had time to do because you were too busy with his washing, cooking him meals, taking him to school etc. Console yourself with the thought that you did your best and cannot do any more.

[NoraBatty]

No jno, he has moved out at least 3 times, lived with 3 different women but they haven't worked out. He's been engaged twice. I meant after each failed relationship he would come here to me.

[Connemmara]

craft - think that was a hurtful comment there.

[NoraBatty]

Thank you starone ... I think your right, I cannot do anymore. I thought we were close but obviously not.

[jno]

three failed relationships in a row also suggests he's not quite emotionally adult yet.

Maybe next time you could suggest that he move in with his dad?

[craft1948]

Do you really Conne?

[Connemmara]

I do indeed Craft - she has reared him - remember everytime his relationship "failed" he turned to her.

[craft1948]

So considering the OP am I being hurtful or truthful?

[NoraBatty]

jno ... Well he's seems to be happy in this relationship now, he's been living with her for 18 months. Plus each time he would come to me as his father only bought a one bedroom house!

[Connemmara]

Nora Just reading your post over again - your son was only 2 when the dad went - i know the dad was in his life but not the way you were. "Actions speaker louder than words" I went onto FB for one week about 2 years ago couldn't believe absolutely sh te - you do this and you do this - how "bloody boring" - "went to the park - then to the cinema - then to the Jersey Shore in NY - who the funk cares. Also for others to "air" their views etc. One week done me - Goodbye to all those horrible fb, tw(it)ats, etc etc. their lives must be so boring - at least on here you get a bit of craic.

[NoraBatty]

Hi Connemmara
Actually my son was only 3 months old when I left his father (he was cheating on me) I went back home to my parents. His Father always worked, never married again (Has had a few long term relationships) Where I was a stay at home mother.
I know what your saying about FB though & today I deleted my account!