Men as husbands!

[Le Chat]

I work in a Beauty Salon and over the years it has come to my attention, by listening to staff and customers alike, that most women are highly unsatisfied with their husbands.
I'm not just talking about trivial problems like untidiness for example, I'm talking about women being verbally abused, ignored, treated with no respect, left alone for the whole night, no help with children, no nights out etc. The list goes on and on.
When one of these conversations strikes up, the staff then say that I can't join in because I am 'lucky' to have a 'good' husband.
I consider that I am not lucky. I chose my husband because of how he was and is. I decided long ago that the greatest predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour, so on that basis, I sifted the 'wheat from the chaf' and did not marry someone who had traits which I knew in time could only get worse.
What do other ABers think of their husbands/partners and their behaviour?

[spudqueen]

Mr Spudqueen is great, we go out seperately (wouldn't go out if we didn't - no babysitters!), we help each other out, he'll always talk over problems etc etc. I have a friend who has a jealous possessive husband who treats her like dirt, is reluctant to let her go out, accuses her of seeing other men if she does (though she's only on a girls night out) etc etc. I couldn't live like that. But I do think that he must have displayed some of these traits before they were married so she must have had an inkling. Mr Spudqueen and I had an excellent relationship before we married which has carried on in our married life, so yeah, I agree with you.

[redcrx]

Im not married (was before but still best mates with my ex)

My partner and I get on great, hes a wonderful man and a great dad. yes, we have the usual job sharing problems as we both work full time and have a child and home to deal with too but thats usual in a lot of relationships.

I cant see that i would have ever ended up with a man who was abusive in any way, i wouldnt stand it and would be out the door like a shot.

[Pippa68]

I made the mistake of marrying someone with traits I hated, only for them to magnify when we had children.

A self centered male chauvinistic pig would be putting it very mildly.

I went on to marry Mr Pippa number 2. A totally different man! we have been together for 12 years, married for almost 2 years...he is my best friend, lover & soulmate. I thank my lucky stars every day that I have him :o)

I do agree with you about selection, Le Chat. My sister is constantly moaning about her husband and his attitude/ways. I constantly point out to her that she has been with him for 11 years and he hasn't changed..yet she still married him last year.

[suzi-q]

I agree with Pippa. Married far too young first time round and made bad choice. Let him get away with outrageous selfishness, verbal abuse and mental bullying. Had the perfect excuse to get out when he cheated on me for a second time after 20 years and left him to get on with it.

Second time round I made a conscious decision to look for someone totally different and am very happy with gorgeous, kind and loving man who puts me first, helps in the house, is my best friend and rock.

But in sympathy with those who are stuck in difficult relationships, its very very hard sometimes to pluck up the courage and willpower to end it. The more they put you down the less you feel you are strong enough to leave.

[pixiepie]

my hubby is awesome. He works nights yet still gets up to be with me and our 4 kids when they get home from school. We were good friends for years before we got married and he is still my best friend. Couldnt imagine putting up with someone who cared so little about me. I personally wouldnt stand for a bloke who belittled me or thought i was his slave but know women who do put up with it.

[Fairie]

They should all lave and find husband number 2, looks like a few of us did! lol

[maggie01]

Well I love mine but don't much like him at the moment. He has walked out after 40yrs ,married

[andy-hughes]

My wiffe and I have been together for twenty-seven years, married for twenty-one of them.

I thought very long and hard before getting married. My wife was married before to an abusive man, and she had two girls who were six and four when we met. I was under no illusions whatever about marriage, being a step-parent, or that my wife would somehow 'change' when we married.

I can honestly say i would do the same again. It hasn't always been easy, but we are still together because we love each other, our girls are now thirty-two and thirty, and we have a third eighteen-year-old - all loved and treated equally by both of us.

I do believe that people have a romaticised view of what marriage means, and that 'it' will make all the wrong things right. the truth is, 'it' is the two of you, 'it' works if you two work, and 'it' doesn't if you don't.

I think people need to think long and hard, and look ahead. I always remember everyone saying how 'lucky' Victoria Beckham was when she married David, and she said "This is the man I am going to grow old with .. ." - and that attitude means they are still together.