sad Loss

[dot.hawkes]

On friday night, just after i had posted a reply on here in B&S, there was a knock at my door, and our world changed forever. My grandson's Godfather had just been killed in a motorbike accident at 6pm. It has been the weekend from hell and we have just come back from the chapel at the hospital, stopping on the way to attach bouquets to the side of the road where he was lost. I havn't been able to speak all weekend, apart from to Redbel (Bez) who has been amazing ( God bless you Bez), my grandson is coming to us tonight and his Dad wants to be the one to tell him his Uncle D. is not going to be here for him, it was my son's best mate. my son (who is devastated) is trying to think how to say the words to my grandson, who is 8 and will be old enough to understand. What can you say eh?

[tickledtrout]

So sorry to hear your news dot,it must be very hard for you and your family. xx

[cruella]

dot,
So sorry about your loss. I am assuming the lad was quite young too.
There is no easy way to tell your Grandson. As you said, he is old enough to understand.
Children often deal with death better than adults.
Yes, it will sad for him, as it will be for all of you for a while.
Just be there for him , tell him what he needs to know and yes, he will ask questions.
You and your Son are the ones who are going to have to be brave through all this.
Thoughts are with you and family.
I do not envy your evening.
Take care.

[dot.hawkes]

Thanks for that TT, yes Cruella he was 2 days younger than my son. just 26. Life gets bl00dy tough sometimes doesn't it?

[B00]

Dotty- so sorry to hear your sad news. Like you say, there's no easy way to tell a child that someone they loved has died.

Thinking of you and your family, take care
xxx
Boo

[cruella]

I know just what you are going through Dot.
I lost my cousin to a motorbike accident at age 28.
Also lost my Niece at age 21.
It is so so hard to deal with, especially when one is so young.
Just hang in there for the sake of your Son and Grandson. They are going to need your support.

[sleepyj]

so sorry to hear that .... 2 young lads near me both 18 died the other week on motorbikes .....

[sense4all]

So sorry, we lost eldest's Godmother a week before she was going to be a bridesmaid at her wedding. My husband and daughter had to attend the funeral instead and that day I had to move house in their absence with the other two kids ... they left one mess, and came home to another ... sometimes life is just cr@p. Hugs to you all.

[sense4all]

http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/offer-listing/00066 43175/ref=dp_olp_2/202-5729544-3569403

http://www.quakerbooks.org/badgers_parting_gif ts.php

Just checked th age rating on this eight is at the upper end but it helps to organise your thoughts and gives your grandson an outlet/ opportunity to talk about memories etc ... hope it helps.

[annalou]

Dear dot., i oh so have sympathy with all that it going on around you - i have been bought up with a police biking father, (now 60 years old) whose ridden bikes since he was 16 (sensible guy) although my partner who is now 40 (who is totally bike crazy and has always ridden to the extreme and i mean exrteme- he can wheelie forever and rides fast, but is aways aware of other road users etc) last weekend in cornwall 4 people died on motorbikes (3 pillions and i refused to go out on the back of my partners bike on bank holiday monday - Cornwall is a nightmere with holiday makers - cause they don't know they're left from they're right) car drivers have alot to answer for - i've been there on the back of a bike and thought omg -my thoughts are with you and your family x

[GIRL RACERS]

dot. - it's heartbreaking, i know - i deal with this kindda loss almost on a weekly basis.

all my family & friends ride & my hubbie works within the motorcycle trade. so this is around us all the time - dosent make it any easier though. it's a dangerous trill we have, a lot of the time it's not through our own riding abilities that make it so dangerous.

my heart and prayers are with you for the loss of this young life. x x x god bless.

[dot.hawkes]

Thanks for the words of comfort you guys, some very supportive folk about, my grandson hasn't been yet and
so my son hasn't been able to speak to him about the accident. It's been enough trying to deal with it all himself.

Cheers everyone

x

[Pippa68]

Oh Dotty ~ I have only just stumbled across your post.

I am so very sorry to hear of the sad news. Your son must be in bits..and to have his own pain to deal with..the thought of him having to pass that pain onto his son is heartbreaking.

Life can be a sh1t can't it? my thoughts are with you all, Dot. Sense4all's links are good..

[raysparx1]

Hello dot, well I have no wise words for you dot, there aren't any all I will say is tell him to be honest, no good covering it up, it is so sad, all you can do is to be there for your son and grandson, why these things happen is beyond me, life seems so unfair at times, you must also talk about him dot, talk to your grandson, cuddle him and cry with him you can help him and your son so much just by being there, take care dot, I am not religious dot, but I will light candle for the family when I pop down to our little church where I go to sit and think, Ray xx

[andrea81]

Sorry for your loss, Its not an easy answer as your grandson will understand the meaning of it no matter how it comes out.

Thing to remember is that children are very resiliant and will cope, you just have to be prepared for a mixture of emotion and maybe lots of questions afterwards.

Patiants and time and lots of cuddles!

[dot.hawkes]

sense4all those links are very good, cheers. x

[amonty1144]

Dot,
Very sorry to hear of your loss, it is always difficult to lose one so young. In respect of your grandson, just be as honest and simple as you can. The Badgers Parting Gift book is very good, I got it for my son , when my Mum died. Although I can't read the book without crying, so let someone strong do it.
Be prepared for lots of questions and just to bear in mind for the future, Cruse may have a child bereavement counsellor in your area, which may provide extra support if you require it, they can also point you in the direction of other resources.
Take care XX

[johnlambert]

Bless you dot. Like others I've only just read this post, and like ray and others I can't offer any words of advice, however my thoughts are with you and your family at this sad time
Once again, God bless

[Hellyon]

Hi Dot - we lost a close friend through illness last year and had to explain to our son, then 8, that Uncle Jim had died. We opted for the head on approach , to be honest he was quite sad for a moment but then just took it in his stride. I suspect that the while they understand what death is they are too young to understand all the finer implications of loss as we do. Having said that some of this did sink in at a later date when he started to understand the true reality of never seeing someone again so you may find he copes well now but you will have to re-address the issues later on.

So sorry for your loss (X)

[~Wingnut~]

Oh Dot I've only just seen your thread too!

I'm so sorry to hear about this, so very tragic.
Thinking of you and our family.

{{Hugs}}

[Lonnie]

Dot,
I'm not too good with words, but you and your family have my heartfelt sympathies, I know how hard it is to get over something like this, (personel experience), but I will be thinking of you all during this time of tragedy, and I know that for your grandson, you'll all put on a brave face.

I really and truly wish you well over this time.

God Bless You.