Funerals, arrangements - what to do when someone dies

[morbidstorm]

Hi all,

I am writing to see if anyone can help me with a few words of wisdom...
The story so far... My Father is an alcoholic, and as such lived in a council tower block. For about a week myself and my uncles have struggled to get hold of him, and yesterday the police finally agreed to break down the door to his flat. Sadly, they found him dead, on his bedroom floor.

Having gone through the initial rollercoaster of emotions, everyone is now looking to me to take control of the situation and organise funeral etc. His body is still with the coroner, so I don't really know what to expect, but once the body is released I know I need to get cracking.

I am very concerned about the cost of the funeral - I have no savings and very poor credit so will be unable to take out a loan. I work full time and therefore cannot obtain any benefits, so the government cannot help - what can I do? My Dad, bless him, has - had - no assetts, and no savings - I just don't know what to do. How much do funerals cost?

All this, and I'm only 26 - I have two children under 6 of my own to deal with - I'm so stressed with it all, I can't sleep.

[annie0000]

What a sad story morbidstorm, it sounds like you are really struggling to cope. Are your uncles able to offer any support, financial or otherwise? Are you absolutely sure that your Dad did not have any policies that he may have taken out years ago? Was your Dad in receipt of benefits? Did he have a social worker assigned to him? If your Dad was in receipt of benefits, I don't know if that would help in getting some support from the benefit agency. I think that you should try and speak to Citizens Advice tommorow, they should be able to point you in the right direction, failing that, I would speak to the funeral directors, they will have come across most situations before and will probably be able to both help you with the arrangements, and with how to pay for it.

Hope that you get some help and support from your family as well.

[shanx]

i think you will find that the oldest member of your family will be responsible , his oldest brother or sister , so put the responsibility on them not yourself ,let them deal with it its not your problem

[jacey]

Hi morbid, Sorry to hear of your troubles. If you go along to a Funeral Directors, you will find they will give you all sorts of help and advice. They will wait for their payment too. Also if you phone the Coroners office. They too will give you info on what to do. And if no one has any money, you will get help from the state, regardless of circumstances. I know what a mountain it seems like but believe me you will get help. Jacey x

[webstar]

Hello morbidstorm, what you will need to do is get the death certificate from the hospital, then you will need to register the death, with your local registry. Once you have done that, you can then contact the funeral director.

Do you have any other brothers or sisters other than your uncles who could help with the costs? If not, now I know this sounds awful, but it may be a way of helping. Are any of your if you have any brothers or sisters on benefits? If so ask one of them to register dads death, that way the initial cost of the casket and 1 car will be paid for. As I said I know this sounds awful as it's your Father, but it's the only way I can think of without you getting the massive bill.

If you dont want to do this then after you have registered your Fathers death and have contacted the Funeral Directors ask them about weekly payments as they can do that too.

Just a quick note, if you do have a brother or sister on benefits and they can sort it out, don't you or anyone who works full time put something in the obituary in the local paper, again this sounds awful, but the benefits agency will go through the local paper.

Take care and my deepest condolences to you and yours.

[jojojojoanne]

Hi, my deepest sympathy to you and your family. Obviously we are all human and essentially we have the same life cycles to go through, please try to relax if this is possible. Try not to worry about the funeral arrangements, follow the advice in the above posts. Look after yourself and your children, try to talk to people you trust about your situation. Take time for yourself after the funeral to come to terms with everything. Time is a great healer.Stay strong. x

[Eastender]

My heart goes out to you and your sad loss. As the previous post have said, the funeral directors will let you pay something each week or month. Get together with your relations to help with the cost if possible, I know families can be difficult at a time like this, they need to rally round and at least give your Dad a decent send off. Take care of yourself too as you have had a shock. God Bless You. x

[rugeleyboy]

hi morbidstorm,

sorry to hear of your fathers passing and my heart goes out to you and your family at this sad time!

as others have said, go and see you funeral directors.

my sister works in one and arranges and sorts EVERYTHING for you............ so get yourself down there!!

[Ethel]

Good advice here:

http://www.helptheaged.org.uk/en-gb/AdviceSupp ort/HealthAdvice/Issues/Bereavement/as_bereave m_240206_4.htm

[wolf63]

Morbidstorm

I am sorry to hear about your dad. But remember the last thing that he would want is for you to pay for the funeral and be in debt or be stressed out over it.

Check for policies with insurance companies. My dad died about 3 years ago and we were surprised at how much some of them were worth.

You are right that the Benefits agency will not help you. It does not matter that your father was getting benefits. You have no legal obligation to arrange for or pay for the funeral.

Is there no way that you can get everybody to put money towards the funeral costs?

I am sure that the funeral director or CAB will give you advise. Tell the funeral director what the situation is, they will be more than helpful and will tell you what your options are.