parents dont want to know

[tinkerbell99]

i moved out of my parents house nearly a year ago and they dont seem to want to know me anymore its more my mam than my dad. they never visit or even call me im only a 15 min bus ride away and my dad drives i seem to do all the chasing by going to see them every week i thought the least they could do is phone me it was my birthday in feb and they came to see me for 10 mins can you believe it and when i go to see them my mam makes me feel like she doesnt want me there my sister had a baby on valentines day and shes only 17 so she still lives with our parents and my mam seems to have favored her baby over my daughter whos nearly 7 when she should treat them both the same she takes her everywhere and buys her little gifts and id have to twist her arm to spend more than 10 mins with my daughter my family is coming on wed but only because its my daughters 7th birthday party i feel lonely and rejected by my own mother..... does anyone have some advice on how i can handle this

[suse17]

you need to talk to her she probly dont want to interfere with your new home life or she just may not realise just how upset you are .why not invite her out with you when your daughter is at school and you could just go shopping together without anybody else just you and your mum and speek to her good luck

[Cavyking666]

Hi Tinkerbell 99
It is always hard when you feel rejected. I am 46 this year and my Dad at 85 is the same. Mum died last year and he doesnt want to know me. He doesnt phone or call round, he is only two minutes away! You have to tell them how you feel. Parents arent mind readers! Only when you open up to them will they realise how much they are hurting you and then, just maybe, it will be better. If it doesnt work, keep trying. Families are never chosen. We have to live with them! If you feel that you are getting no where, accept that its time to move on. You have all your life in front of you and its a big wide world! Its their loss!!

[tinkerbell99]

thank you both for your advice i will use it and hopefully they will see what there doing. im sorry about your mother cavyking666 xxx

[unhappychick]

If I were you, considering the state of affairs at the moment, I would find it difficult to say what I was feeling, I would write a letter explaining how you feel about it all, im sure they will feel terrible once they have read it and will think about there actions...I hope this is of some help to you, and good luck -x-

[bimbo123456]

DON'T WRITE A LETTER!!! They can easily be misinterpreted. ~Aren't families the pits. Here is some assertiveness advice..don't say "you do this" say "when you do this it makes me feel......" How about suggesting a girly shopping trip with you, your daughter and your mum? You don't mention what your financial situation is. What about suggesting the whole family visit. If your Mum has a new baby to coo over this is very distracting.

[GEEMAC]

Is this a new thing since you moved out? How was your relationship when you lived at home? Are relations between you fine apart from their lack of visits? Do you invite them over to your new place? Maybe they respect your independence and would love to come over but are waiting for you to ask them. Sometimes Nans appear to favour one Grand-child over another (speaking from experience) and even one child over another but I'm sure they love them all equally. It certainly sounds far too early and extreme to think about cutting off ties with your Mother at this stage.
All the best tinkerbell.
G

[GEEMAC]

Oh and when your family come over on Wednesday be extra friendly to them, tell them how glad you are they came and how much you enjoy seeing them. Don't lay a trip on them (blimey, that sounded a bit hippy, but you know what I mean) Be positive, upbeat and happy...and then see what happens.

[tinkerbell99]

they came today and they were good with helping me getting the party ready and looking after my daughters friends and i think they had a good time thank you for all your advice they were very helpful xxx

[Whoever]

Your parents probably think you wanted your space and your independence, and probably you do need it to become a responsible adult capable to living your own life. But maybe they don't quite realise how much you still miss them too, and I think you have to tell them this so that they they can understand that although you still need your independence, they're still very important to you. It takes a while for relationships to find their balance once you move out of the family home, but try not to don't look for hidden agendas which probably arn't there. It's just a matter of everybody finding the right balance in the new situation and hopefully things will soon settle down once your parents know they are still important to you.