building a good relationship

[diaa]

i am recently married and ...i am a very funloving person who likes to talk and disscus things and i belive good communication leads to good relationship! my husband is a kind of reserved type and talks only when he is in mood and ...he likes to remain silent...but i ....just cannt do that...he keeps himself busy with his work all day and when he is home he is busy with the TV! or he is silent!! rarely he is kool..n jovial..he forgets to tell me the basic things that i expect him to ....like if there has been a call from my inlaws or anybody infact....! how do i deal with such a relationship and how cann i improve it all...? we Love each other but there is something ....missing ....may be time...quality time together.....i tried telling him that but.....he always say i dont like to talk much.....i talk only when i feel like...i dont like to go outting much ....etc...i dono i am confused....when i tell him this he gets upset ...i tooo get upset ......i feel i messed up his day!

[sara3]

this may sound a bit harsh, but you should have considered this before you got married... this is supposed to be for the rest of your lives. newly-weds shouldn't feel like this.

I'd suggest openness and honesty. if he's holding back you can work on that, but if he's just the silent type I think you may have to accept that's how he is. maybe if you do more stuff together you'll have more to talk about..

[diaa]

hm...thanx sara for ur response.....!
before marrige we sholud have understood each other..........yeah wat u said is right both of us feel sometimes so...i mean sometimes when he talks...i feel that he also feels the same...

the thing is that he is not expressive he says i dono how to express love!
i never heard an "I Love U " form him......but sure that he cares for me.....he dosent express it and ...i am like ....i wish he told me sometimes how much he loves me or ....u know some ...little praises.......he says he dosent know how to be romantic......!!

i dono ...if it me who is overeacting and being tooo romantic...!!

i enjoy little things in life...and he says ....u r very chidish.....

i am totallly confused and scared abt our relationship...!
Plz...do rememmber us in ur paryers!

[4getmenot]

he's never said he loves you but you married him??? sorry but you married him he was like that when you met him, if you dont like it now then dont be with him

[bednobs]

gods dont exist, so i wont remember you in my prayers. I agree with the above - how long were you seeing him before you got married? Surely enought ime to know what he was like? You cant expect to change someone, just ike they cant expect to change you. If he said he wanted you to be all introspective and silent like he is wel would you change?? probably not, so i dont know how you expect to change him.
its not a great footing to start a marriage off on - wanting to change someones fundamental personality is it?

[diaa]

see its like there r some marriages where in elders ...find out a match and ...generally it will be a gud one....we get married.....
generally in any new relationship we feel gud ...and slowly as time goes on things change......

we had very blessed marriage cermony in the church.....but now ....smalll things silly issues.......i know but ........

and the matter of not living with him......marriage ......i have taken oath before the Lord to live with him for rest of my life.......!!
nyways i myself i am confused....!
anyways thanx a loot for the answers .....!

[Myriad2112]

Isn't that normal womans behaviour,
Get your man then spend the next fifty years trying to change him into what you expect him to be?

[diaa]

changing someones fundamental personality............!
not good ...true!

well we never met before ......the amrriage happened in 2-3 weeks time ....as per the elders ...desicion.

[4getmenot]

you never met and got married in 3 weeks. Arranged marriage?

[sara3]

an arranged marriage? did you both agree to this? how old are you?

[terambulan]

Treat him as he treats you..........dont talk till he talks to you. Don't tell him of your daily happenings until he asks, for the fifth time. He'll soon learn to communicate with you.

He probably has lots of insecurities which he doesn't want you to find out about......

[diaa]

hey ...thanx a loooot to all who contributed an answer for my confusion!!!
first i started behaving jus like how he does....i found out that ......if i dint talk as always (i always keep blah blahing....)..none of us will talk ...!!!!
and i couldnt do taht much longer.......i cant do that to him for long actually soo... i finally made up and talked to him abt my problem again...i told .things and how i feel abt it....!
at first he felt bad....and silent ...i told him his silence hurts me even more.......
then he showed some positive response....I told him Sweet heart i dont intend to change ur personality tottally..but.......a few things that u used to follow when u lived a bacholer life........well i hope things change slowly.....!! i feel he does it as he is used to it....living alone ...he used to stay away from his family ....for some yr as his office was very far from home ...........working and then comming home eat something and then sleep...as they come home very tierd....same routine
nyways ....im being optimistic....
and once agin thanx to all of u for the support!

[diaa]

sara ....yes we did agree as it is so....for almost everyone in our native.....thats actually not a new thing there and ....we all agree it as .....we belive n respect our elders out here it dosent mean the others dont....but things r diffrent here ya...

all that happens it for good ..isn't.........maybe both of us r geting more ...chance to know each other more well.....!!