An ex having new partner is jointly owned home

[tgm1974]

Hi everyone

My partner still owns his previous property with his ex wife - the mortgage was paid over 10 yrs ago so the only bills are household, etc.

Recently she has started to see someone new which he has no qualms over. He is a bit apprehensive about how his children will react to this new male but this weekend he has discovered that his ex wifes new man has been staying at their jointly owned home.

This may sound selfish of him but he has gone berserk at her for letting him into the house, if the house would have been sold and split then he would have no problems. They had been together for 20 yrs and she had not worked for 15 of them. This was due to raising children and "depression" yet when he left the family home she got herself 3 jobs and the depression has disappeared.

Aside from this does anyone know if he can get this house sold - his youngest is 10yrs old and she has already thrown the "you can do anything til ***** is 18" at him. I know this is the legal path but he has worked and paid to clear the mortgage on the house, he has paid for renovations, etc to the home .......... and can prove this. Ive told him I dont think he has a chance of getting her to agree to sell but thought Id ask if anyone knows anything different. They have joint custody of the children and even though he doesnt pay maintenance direct to her each month he does pay for his childrens school trips, new clothes, car repairs .... only last month did he pay out �700.00 on the above with no help or part split from her.

Hope someone has some good advice

[lil75]

You say she did not work for 15 years due to raising the children and depression...well after all them years im certain the children are getting off hand a bit and it is easier for her to get a job. Also maybe she picked herself up after her ex left because he got her down...I dont think its a case of her being lazy, just a case of circumstance.

I can understand he feels some bitterness about the home that he has obviously put a lot of money into, but at the end of the day, does he really want to uproot the childrens lives and cause a lot of misery for several thousand pounds...I wouldnt put a price on my childrens happiness, but that is up to him!

[tgm1974]

Trust me, its not been a case of bring the children up. She has basically been lazy and couldnt be bothered - I mean, why would she when he is working all the hours and bringing in the case. She was even claiming benefit for her depression then all of a sudden she is well.

I appreciate the comment that you say he brought her down but with respect it was the other way around - she kept him in a relationship for 20 yrs when she never wanted to know him physically - just friends. I know this is true what he has said as she has admitted it to myself. To add insult to injury she is fully able to have a relationship with someone else so you can appreciate his initial feelings of "why" and his reaction to this other male being in his "home" til the house is sold!!

[mamatwo]

I agree with lil75 about uprooting the children - think he needs to think v carefully about it.
whether he can sell house will depend on how the agreement was made initially e.g. if it was by court order then prob not, if informal arangement then maybe. if the house was sold then csa may make him pay formal maintenence to her and he may still end up having to pay for school trips etc if she refuses to contribute.
on the other side if he owns 50% of an asset that is appreciating it could be a nice nest egg for the future
hope all works out ok xx

[lil75]

I wasnt siding with the ex wife, but just trying to say that, yes I can imagine he is feeling like he has been betrayed in some way and I would feel bitter about it too....but things have happened to me in my life and I just look at it as a lesson learnt, even if it is a hard one, and you feel you have wasted years of your life on someone who clearly wasnt worth the effort, but your man should concentrate on what he has with you and build on that, instead of dwelling on the "betrayal" that he must be feeling from her....its his call, but does he really want to uproot the kiddies, no doubt the mother will blame him for it all, and he will end up the bad one, another thought on the matter, if she stays with this new fella, couldnt they buy your man out???.....whatever he decides to do I wish you both luck

[tgm1974]

Hi sorry for anything that came across negatively. My partner has spoke to a solicitor and it turns out that because the house has been paid for plus its a 5 bed house housing 3 people then he does have a case for her to sell. He obviously does not want to uproot the kids but prefers his share of the property ---- I dont think she realises that its not as cut and dry as she thinks.

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[onlyme26]

have you ever been depressed yourself?? its hard to get up in the morning never mind go out to work and have kids to look after! its not being lazy, its a mental disorder, its heart breaking fior anyone to go through.

ive seen some of my closest friends crumble with depression.

i think your ex leaving and her depression suddenly disapearing is a coinsidence! ( or maybe not!!!)

she got 3 jobs? to look after her kids? GIVE THE WOMAN A MEDAL!!

he left the family home, so she had somewhere to live with the kids, now a new man is on the sceen he suddenly wants to make his kids homeless???

how is she going to buy him out??? if she needs 3 jobs she cant have any money saved?

i think he is being selfish, fair dos i dont know the ins and out s of your situation but he was ok with this till the guy moved in?? isnt she allowed to move on? i mean your partner has moved on with you!
the house will always be half his, why cant she stay there till the kids are older? has he thought about that?

[onlyme26]

only me again

look i just read back my message and i sound like a right cow im sorry

im sure your partner has his reasons, ive just seen so many couple break up and the poor kids get stuck in the middle, its just such a shame for them to have to suffer the up heaval of moving, just so he can get the cash,

on the other hand, maybe they will see it as an adventure, moving into a new family home,

i dont know, good luck anyway xx

[Ethel]

The court will not order the sale of the home until the youngest is 18, unless the house is too big for their needs and they could buy something smaller in the same area and your partner needs capital now.

When the youngest is 18, the house can be sold and the equity split.

[RavenD]

I would be more concerned about a strange man whom I've never met being in the same house as my children. That would make me furious, he could be a paedophile or anything!!!!