Kids and independence

[tillyh345]

I know all children are different but surely at the age of 26 they should be bordering on being independent even if they have had problems in the past but getting through them slowly but surely...! Any advice on how to cut the apron strings (so to speak) without feeling guilty

one very soft but fed up mother!

[andy-hughes]

If your child is 26, he or she will always be your child, but they are, by definition, an adult.

Do you want him (for ease of writing I'm saying 'him', do correct me if you have a daughter) to move out of home, or simply be less dependent on you?

You should certainly be equipping him for the big wide world by training him in washing, ironing, cooking, and generally running a home - he will have to be alone eventually, so better that he is prepared, it's less of a shock when the day comes.

Ho;e this helps - feel free to post with more details if you need more advice.

[daffy654]

If you make it too easy and comfortable for the 'child' to still live at home then they will never move out!
You need to stop doing any housework etc. for them and make sure they contribute fully to household expenses.

[debbz1969]

When referring to your own I don't think it's odd Zac. If I referred to tillys 26 year old as a child that would be odd. But he/she is her child, whatever age. My eldest is 19 ( I know, I don't look old enough!!!) my youngest 11 and I refer to them as 'the kids'. You don't say "I have 2 adults" do you? You say " I have 2 kids or 2 children." whatever the ages.
And to tilly - there is a fine line between help and hinder. Sometimes we have to cruel to be kind in this world and by wrapping them in cotton wool will do them no favours in the long run. Support as well as encouragement is needed I think.

[Schutzengel]

Some times "Tough Love" is needed, for the sake of the "child" learning to stand on it own two feet. If you have cared for him/her for 26 years you shouldn't feel at all guilty for encouraging him/her to become independent. If you are too soft this situation could go on for years. I know of a 38yr old still at home with a, now single pensioner father, who is being drained of the resources he needs for himself, through a misplaced feeling of responsibility for his "child".

[tillyh345]

Thank you for all your replies and i appreciate everybodys thoughts if I am honest I know what to do and what to say but as he has had problems that he has needed a lot of support with and perhaps I just needed some reassurance that I can now finally let go but still feel as though I have done all I can and its now up to him.

It is the most difficult job in the world, especially when things dont go to plan...you can do everything right but u can still come across obstacles that catch you out..

[Whoever]

I think this is partly about your son'sself confidence in being able to cope alone. Staying with the status-quo at home is the most comfortable and financially easy option for him. Ensure he knows how to budget and organise his financial affairs, how to cook some basic meals and get his laundry done and then encourage him to move out and get a place of his own on the basis that he'll enjoy the freedom of making and enteraining friends in his own space without you being there in the background.