Bedtime for 10 & 12yr old!!

[tgm1974]

Am I being pathetic?

My partner has children from a previous relationship. They stay overnight with us on Thursday & Sunday and go to bed around 10.15-10.30pm at the moment � normally it's about 10.30pm on Sunday due to this "I'm a Celebrity" program. They are aged 10 and 12.

We also have a 1yr old who goes to bed between 8-8.30pm (depending how hyperactive he is) and he normally falls into his deep sleep about 11pm.

Recently bedtime seems to be the latter and at 10.30pm with my partners kids. They are still getting ready for bed at this time and in/out of the bathroom brushing their teeth. You can always guarantee that when they are finally in bed that they will whisper and giggle until Dad tells them off �. followed by one of them "having" to go to the toilet again. This Sunday it was 11.15pm before they settled down.

Am I being pathetic wanting them to be in bed and lights out for 10.15pm? My previous feelings on bedtime was for them to be in bed and lights out for 10pm
but myself and my partner agreed between ourselves (I backed down basically) that 10.15pm was lights out time. This has now been broken so I get all agitated inside (normally end up taking myself upstairs to avoid my feelings being made obvious). Sometimes my son wakes up with the lights going on and off and I'm the one left to try and settle him down. This can take 5 mins or up to an hour ��.. I'm then late going to bed myself to be woken by his normal "get up" around 3am � then I'm up for work at 6.30am! I'm shattered.

Please be honest and tell me if I'm being pathetic about my request as this morning has been an argument I don't want to go through again � my partner keeps saying that he only has the kids 2 nights a week and if they are going to bed 15 mins later than normal, he sees no harm with it!

Do I need a chill pill?

[whiskeysheri]

I don't think you do, tgm. Regardless of the situation, I think 10 o'clock is far too late for them to go to bed, especially the ten year old! What time do they go up at home?

[Lil O'lady]

Given that they need to be sparky at school on Monday morning I'd say lights out and no sound at 10.00 maximum. Too many kids can't cope with the school day because of disrupted sleep. On the other hand, try wearing them out during the day - keep them constantly on the go in the fresh air, hot bath & feed when you get in, and you'll hear fewer complaints. Plus, turn the telly off if it's keeping them up - record the programme for them to view another time.

[tgm1974]

There mother seems to let them go to bed whenever they want - sometimes she goes off to bed before they do in the week.

Thanks for your responses ... I just need to vent off a bit and see if what Im saying is wrong. I love my partner to bits and he is the most caring and loving man, but trying to make him understand my feelings towards it is impossible. Basically I feel like he is their Dad and I have no right to an opinion about it. Dont get me wrong, he is not funny with me or makes me feel that way, its me making myself feel like that. I know its only an extra 15 mins but the original time is late in my opinion.

Looks like Im in a no win situation .... I will have to back off and just go with it. I just hope that one day he understands what I was trying to say. Sounds nasty but I just hope that the kids get into trouble in school due to tiredness to emphasise they need to be in bed earlier than what he makes them.

What a horrible day Im having with this stupid subject ...

[redcrx]

oh tgm, wheres the "mum and dad time" in all that?

sit your fella down and try and have a chat. or, suggest that he get up at 3am for your little one and settle him when the other 2 are waking him. Im sure he'll soon come to realise that its not helping you or baby.

Im also of the opinion that at 10 and 12 a child certainly shouldnt be up at that time. When is was that age i was still in bed at 8.30/9.

[tgm1974]

Mum and Dad time is the other days of the week when we are alone ... as I mentioned he says he only sees them twice a week so he doesnt see the problem. Funny thing that makes me laugh is as soon as they arrive at our house you dont see them for the internet ... around 9-9.30pm is when they come off it!! I genuinely feel for my partner sometimes as he is not having any quality time with them!! No matter what I say anyway, he is hearing something else and Im basically the one with the issue.

WHAT CAN YOU DO!!! (sigh)

[PatriciaH]

Instead of them going on the internet suggest to your partner you all play board games - hopefully the kids will get bored and go to bed at the right time ! disable the computor so they cant use it (lol ) and yes get your partner to take turns getting up when baby does after all you have to be up for work as well
good luck !

[debbz1969]

Personally I think that anything past 9pm for 10 - 12 year old is too late, especially on school nights.
My kids have always had regular bedtimes as set my us, the parents, not set by when they feel like going to bed. Kids need structure and routine. I think you should uot your foot down on this one. It's very difficult whenever 'stepchildren' are involved. There is a fine line between being the wicked stepmother and a soft touch. The most important thing is that you and your partner agree and stick together, don't let the kids play you off against each other.
The fact your partner says he only sees them for 2 nights a week is a non-starter really. If he was that bothered he would spend quality time with them instead of them being on the net. He's got the easy life really.
Good luck tgm. x x

[daffy654]

My 11 year old son goes to bed at 9pm but is allowed to read for an hour and then lights out and sleep.

[Maypole]

My daughters 11 and she goes up at 8.30 banking on 45 minutes faffing around so I hope for her to be going to sleep by 9.15. If she faffs for longer the next night I send her up at 8 reminding her what happened before.

Any later and she would be grumpy as anything.

However its for their Dad to set the rules until it impinges on you and the baby (which it is). So perhaps you could start with that - tell your partner you arent getting enough sleep and you need to go back to what you had both previously agreed.
He can be as tolerant as he likes but its not him thats suffering is it?

[Wispy68]

I can't believe that the mother sometimes goes up to bed before them. How irresponsible and selfish is that?!
I can see how frustrated you must be, but I hope it all gets sorted out for you soon.

[philandlil]

If they want to watch I'm a celebrity make them get ready for bed before it starts then they can go straight up to bed when it's finished.

[lozzylou]

i think that is far too late. my kids are 2 and 3 and are fast asleep by 7 30 every night even weekends unless we are out. i have a step son who is 6. when he stays on a friday and saturday night he is in bed for 8. i put the younger two up first so they can fall asleep before taking the older on up. he used to moan all the time as he stayed up as late as he wants at home but he soon got used to it. yes my partner only sees him every other weekend but he still needs a routine. by sending them to bed at this time they wake up in good moods and wecan enjoy the weekend rather than have 3 miserable kids cause they are still tired.
they might not be your kids but its your house too and you all need a routine

[myselfness]

if its that much of an issue only having them two days a week then why does he let them play on the internet all day? surely spending the day doing something productive is more quality time than letting them stay up an hour longer.
my mam has a 10 and 12 year old aswell... both are in their rooms by 8:30... the 10 year old is usually asleep by 9:30 and the 12 year old has to have lights off by 10:00 on a school night, 11:00 on weekends.

but despite all the advice, the longer you leave it and dont resolve this issue, the worse its going to get as you'll continue to be upset about it and arguments are bound to happen, and as they get older they'll want to stay up later -leaving you with less sleep or more time settling your child.

[tgm1974]

Hi again

Well we had the biggest DING DONG last night about it all. He is very black and white and trying to get him to talk it through was like squeezing blood from a stone (as they say). I said all the stuff about spending quality time with them instead of them being on the internet but he said "whatever makes them happy, makes me happy".

We will have to see what time bed is this week and go from there but I guarantee that if my son wakes, its not going to be me that gets up!!

[angiebaby57]

Tricky situation...step children, as I am sure you are well aware. However, this is your home and your routine for your baby is essential to your well being. My children are 15 and 13 and have to be in bed, reading by 9.30pm - no if's, no buts! At weekends its more flexible of course but if they have school the next day I think that children of 10 and 12 should not even be up at 10pm!! Children need a great deal of sleep and time to wind down before they attempt to sleep and not by staring at the TV. The problem you might have is by imposing diffrent rules to their mother and you will be seen to be at fault. Can you record the TV programmes that they love so much? Thats what we do. Also, sit down with your husband and be totally honest about how this is affecting you and your baby...dont argue and stay calm as its obviously a sensitive subject! Have you tried talking to the girls and making some kind of compromise with them? Good Luck - hope it all works out for the best!

[onlyme26]

Oh not at all, my partner has a child from previous as well and she is 10, we tend to have her at the weekend but if we do have her on a school night she is in bed for 9

i know how you feel its a nightmare for us coz i have a daughter who is 7 and she is in bed for 8 on a school night, so when the eldest comes round, we have to let our daughter stay up till 9 with the older one, may only be an hour but she is tired from that in the morning, ( having trouble with this one at the mo) or there would be trouble and arguments,

i think its different when you bring kids up together in the same house, if they were both mine, i would have the younger in bed for 8 and the older in bed for 9, thats what me and my sisters did as kids, but these to are very competitive, and your cant do anything for one and not the other, its just so different to having kids brought up in the same house, and its hard trying to control kids that are not your own!! and there is always the factor of you doing something differently but then having to bite your tounge about it lol but thats another story!!

dont worry just be strong and let them know what time is bed and make sure they start gettign ready 10 mins before

good luck xx

[meltoadhall]

my kids are 9, 11 and 13

bedtimes are
7.30, 8.30 and 9.30 on school nights, maybe half hour or so longer on weekends/ holidays, they get up at 6.30 for school

you really need to put your foot down about this up and down business

[mummylush]

i have a 14 and 15 yr old who are in bed at 10 every night except weekends when its free time, 10 and 12yrs should be in bed by 10pm well thats what i think so put ur foot down ood uck

[debbie123]

its not about mum and dad time .at their age they need their sleep,otherwise they do get grumpy.10 o,clock and like maypole said,if they mess about,drop it to 9.30pm the next night.keep to it and dont think your being fussy.

[tandh]

i uesd to go to bed at nine on a school night until i was 15, then it was about ten. This seems very late, how are they doing at school? are they not tired during the day?