Brother lacking social skills

[HJT40]

My brother is 44 and lacks all social skills. He passes wind whereever he happens to be, he picks his nose - constantly. He is unable to have a conversation with someone, he talks at them and to put his point across is very confrontational and can almost be aggresive. He also has an amazing talent for saying inappropriate things, which he finds funny. I have just gotten engaged and we had drinks last weekend for my family to meet my fiance's family. He brought his son and when he found out that they had already been to see a film he wanted to take him to he commented, quite loudly, about what sort of mother would do that...etc etc. When I tried to speak to my nephew my brother stood looking at me with his arms crossed as though I was doing something wrong. It was commented upon by guests that he is confrontational and that they felt cornered by him. All of which I totally understand, but am unable to discuss with my brother. He is coming to our house for Christmas day and I am dreading the arguments, which is why I turned down invitations to go to his for the last four years. I wish I could do something to help him, but what?

[Velvetee]

Perhaps your brother has a form of Autism or perhaps Aspergers?

Look at this site and see if there are any similarities.

http://www.nas.org.uk/nas/jsp/polopoly.jsp?d=2 12

[squarebear]

I'm sorry but I personally wouldn't invite anyone round to my house if they had his lack of manners, whether he was my brother or not.

[HJT40]

Velvetee, thank you, the Aspergers did have a lot of similarities.

I put it down to him always being angry and having been bullied at school I thought he was always on the defensive. When I told him that I was engaged he questioned whether my fiance had asked me or whether I had "made him do it" because "you know what you are like!"

He and his ex were always arguing, although neither would admit they were wrong. But he will always talk in a condesending tone if anyone dare question him. Now he does not see how wrong it is to bad mouth his son's mother in front of the boy.

How many times has he tried to organise a carting evening or a barbeque and either no one wants to know or few turn up, probably knowing that at some point he is going to get angry with someone, usually me!

[Velvetee]

Hi HJT. I think the thing with Aspergers, (not that I'm an expert) it probably isn't easily detectable as sufferers have above average intelligence, hold down jobs etc and there are no outward appearances that anything is wrong.

It tends to be social difficulties, where they cannot identify bounderies and will say or do inappropriate things or are unable empathise with others.

I'm not sure how you can help your brother, he probably thinks there is nothing wrong in what he does. Perhaps speak to an expert who can give you advice on where to obtain help.

Autism Hlepline 0845 070 4004

[pastafreak]

Hmmm...Asbergers immediatley came to my mind also-and only from a fairly vauge knowledge of it.

[pastafreak]

*vague*..sorry