Worried about mum and new partner

[angel21]

My mum is 52, she has been married twice and divorced twice.She has 3 children, me 21,brother 23 by our father and my half brother 13 by second ex husband. Me and my brother moved out to live with my dad when we were 10 & 12.

My mum has been single for a few years again but a couple of years ago she met someone - he is married but separated and has a young son (10/12 I think). This man has been very unreliable and never puts my mum first. It seems like she does all the chasing to see him and he doesn't. My mum puts it down to him having problems with his wife and sorting their joint businesses (splitting them) and all the worries of divorcing and stuff but I am worried for my mum. I think he uses his wife and troubles as an excuse too much and never puts my mum first. After 2 years of him being unreliable and letting her down when he said he would meet her but didn't my mum has let him practically move in. I was over my mums at the weekend and thought that meeting him would put my mind at rest and I would be happy that my mum was happy. I want my mum to be happy but I got a really kind of bad feeling about this man after meeting him. He was supposed to turn up on Sat at my mums but said he didn't want to drive over in the end as he was too stressed with his wife, so he would come over Sunday first thing. Hardly first thing, he arrive just before 12. I only met him for 45 mins as I had to go to my nans but I got a bad feelingabout him. I don't think he's geniune. HE said he would take my mum to London tomorrow and he has cancelled on her. I have told my mum what I think of him. She is 52and worried she won't meet someone. Plus my little brother causes her so much stress. I just want her to be happy and relaxed. I'm scared she will die of a heartattack or die unhappy. What can I do?

[angel21]

I just worry that if it doesn't work out with this chap (which at the moment I hope she dumps him)then she will feel really low again and I want her to be happy and stress free. She has had enough stress especially last year her mum died, she moved house and she has my 13yrold brother to copewith who keeps getting excluded and is really badly behaved at school - my mum is worried he is going to be chucked out of school. I don't want this new man complicating and stressing her life anymore. I'm afraid she has really fallen for him(she says she loves him) yet I really don't think he's genuine or right for her. They don't even have the same sense of humour kinda thing I don't think. My mum obviously feels she has to get a move on if she wants to meet someone as she is 52 and she really needs someone to help with my brother for the next few years cus she was sayingshe doesn't know how shes gonna get through them. I want my mum to have a nice man to help her with brother and to have company and support and nice outings etc. but I don't think this new man is right for her!

[onlyme26]

hiya, i havent been in that situation but from an outsiders view.... it sounds very much like he is still with his wife??? sorry to say that but are you 100% sure they are really split up, i know its been 2 years, but surely the connection between them should only be through there son? seems like his ex has some sort of hold over him which is why he is constantly letting your mum down, when he doesnt turn up does he give a valid reason?

i feel sorry for your mum, but 52 is no age at all! she has plenty of time to meet someone new, but like you said she loves him and i doubt anything you can say will change that unfortunalty,
your right to be worried but i think the most you can do is be there for her,

do you know anyone else that knows him? maybe find out a bit about him, see what others think

good luck x

[angel21]

Thanks for replying onlyme26.

I don't think he is still with his wife. They have a son together so its obvious they need to keep in touch for his sake. I think my mum has overheard him and his wife on the phone talking and they don't sound amicable and I think my mum has even spoken to his wife and his wife was having a go at her. So I don't think their together but something doesn't ring true.

He was working on his boat on Saturday and he said to my mum he would be over late Sat afternoon, then he doesn't turn up. He phones at about 6.30pm saying he has been trying to get away all day but his wife has constantly been ringing him giving him grief so he hasn't been able to get on. He said he is on his way and then he phones up about 30 mins later saying he's not coming - he will be over first thing in the morning instead. He arrives on Sunday 'morning' at 12 hardly first thing.

He said he would take mum to London today but then when he got to my mums at the weekend he said he had to go down to the boat on Weds, Thurs and Fri so he won't be around as the boat needs loads of clearing up so they can go down and stay on it. When my mum said I thought you were taking me to London he said oh I forgot!! How bad is that!! So my poor mum is let down again!!

My mum is blind to it and says its difficult for him especially with his son involved. Which I'm sure it is but why say he will take my mum to London and then don't, why not ignore his wife if she keeps phoning and only speak to her occasionally to speak to his son, why does he HAVE to go and work on boat on Weds when he should be taking mum to London - he could go another day surely he had literally just come back from boat which is about 2/3 hrs drive from where mum lives.

[angel21]

He has registered at docs near my mums now and mum reckons he is looking at a job close by but he also said he is interested in a job in cardiff which is about 2 hours away from where my mum lives? He said he will do both jobs the one near by and the one far away? What is the point in that? It makes me think with all these trips to the boat and wanting to work in Cardiff he might have some other women on the go aswell as his wife.

[Im a BusyBee]

she should suggest she goes with him to help him that would call his bluff if he is up to anything he should not be!

[angel21]

Yes trouble is she's working in the daytime while he is off down there and he could still easily get out of it somehow if my mum decided to go down to boat with him he could just ring the other person (if there is one) and cancel.

Hows your daughters child now?

[Im a BusyBee]

hes much better now thank you, hes here with me, they pick up again so quickly at that age.