To Party or not to party????

[peachy51]

Hi there everyone, My daughter is 21 this year, and I want to give her a party, on a limited budget, so I called around a few place and finally got a function room, dj, disco, and a buffet(for 80people) all together for £400(me and my Mum are going halves), was going to book the place and pay a deopsit this wekend, but then Daughter says she wants 90 people, I said" no problem" but she has to pay for the extra 10,( daughter is working)... ... I said to her to give me the £50 extra, then we can go book it together, but she said , " why cant you pay the extra, its my 21st party" !!!!!! after explaining that, I have done extra shifts at work so I can afford to give her her party in the first place, she then says, " you pay it and I will give you the money when I have it" Alarm bells start ringing, ( i paid a weeks holiday for her a year ago, all she needed to do was come up with her spending money, (which she didnt) therefor I told her she couldnt come as I could not afford to keep her on holiday, as barley had enough for myself and partner!!!!( so I lost £300) and didnt ask her to pay it back which I know now I shouldve)... My dilema is, I want to pay for the 80 people as planned, but not the extra 10, its the princle of the thing, Im thinking, if I pay the extra , she wont give me the £ 50 , she will just have expected me to dish out for the extra and not ask her for the money, I have asked her just to have the 80 then that way neither of us hav to pay any extra, (Oh I still have the cake to buy)....... thanks for all who reply to a very stressed mother !!!

[Sachs]

Hi peachy,
anything you can withdraw/ hold back off her if she doesn't reimburse you ? Kids!!

[redcrx]

tell her youll cancel the whole thing and to stop being a spoilt brat :)

or allow her the 90 friends but dont pay any extra for food, chances are theyll be a lot spare at end of night anyway

if she treats her friends the same way as shes treating you over this, then Id be surprised if all 90 turn up anyway

[Sachs]

Yeah, just let the food run out! Good idea! Don't give in to her.

[peachy51]

nope im afraid, ... In have explained to her that I could give her the money and let her oranganise her own party(which would be better) but she said she didnt want to do that!!!!! ...

[boxtops]

Is the working, does she have an income? 21st birthday parties are a nice event but not a right - does she know you are on a limited budget, and the sacrifices you are having to make to even get a party in the first place? Who are these 90 people, why are the extra 10 so important to her, are these people who wouldn't be on your original guest list? Sounds like she expects everything from you without giving anythign back. Sorry if this sounds harsh but she is old enough to understand that you can't have things without being able to pay for them!

[peachy51]

She stays and works at the other side of town, I'm working 12 shifts, so its hard to meet up and talk about this face to face, we talk on the phone, then she has the cheek to hang up on me when I tell her Im not paying the deposit til she has the £50, ... AAARRRGGGHHH..... to be honest , this has been going on for a week now, I love her to bits,but I 'm fed up with this, why cant she just be grateful, shes getting a party albeit 80, but thats still a fair amount !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[boxtops]

She sounds very ungrateful. I'm afraid if it was me I would tell her to forget it until she can be civil and appreciate what you want to do (and have already done) for her. I am sure you have things you and your mum could do with the money yourself, rather than splurge it on this ungrateful little madam. You're working 12 shifts a week, you must be exhausted. Let her sort out her own party - she's using you as Good Old Bank of Mum. Have you got time to cancel the arrangements without losing any deposits? I know you love her and of course you do, but she's pushing her luck. You and her gran offer her a free party for 80 people and she says it's not big enough - what a cheek. Put the money down on a holiday for yourself and your mum.

[cls14]

She's lucky to be getting a party for free anyway. The fact that she hasn't paid you back before means she's not to be trusted. I'd personally tell her that it's 80 people or nothing and if she moans I'd question if she's 21 or 12.

[karenmac60]

She sounds very immature to me. But on the practical side, the parties I have had have always had loads of food left over. If you cater for every guest you will end up throwing food away as some won't turn up and others won't want anything. In fact I was at my cousin's wedding last year and the buffet he'd organised was bacon rolls and tunnocks tea cakes and they went down a treat - just the sort of thing people want to eat when they've had a few, and it worked out really cheap.

[dizmouk2009]

They will all be legless about 3 hours into it anyway, maybe I should pay the £50 and come along, could do with a good drinking session...

[wiggal]

Have to say, I would tell her to stop being so selfish and have what is being offered!

It was my 21st 2 years ago, and my mum held my party at her house where my family and only a few close friends came so not quite the 80 people you are talking about! But I would never expect my mum to have paid for everything! I paid for the drink and put towards food and decorations, so yea, tell your daughter to grow up and be grateful that you have been kind enough to organise something in the first place!

[sophie_1003]

Agree with exactly what wiggal said, my 21st was also 2 yrs ago and had similar set up to wiggal, had a fabulous cocktail party at my house and got everyone to bring a bottle instead of getting me presents and I put in a contribution to everything we needed and was very greatful to my mum for paying the rest (majority) of the cst and doing most of the organising, although we did have good laughs organising stuff together!

[lotsafun]

cancel the party! she sounds like a ungrateful and selfish girl to me and needs to grow up a bit. Your trying your best and its not enough for her so why should you bother. keep the money and treat yourself is what i say :)

[peachy51]

I only have 1 chance to do a 21st party as she is my only child........
I am dissapointed with her attitude regarding the party, but call me soft, and /or stupid.. My daughter and I have had a meeting to discuss the party, and after telling her how disappointed i am with her attitude, and that im tired of arguing about the party, its not supposed to be like that, we should be enjoying organising the party together...She agrees we should just invite 80 (we were allowed to invite 90), Im gonna buy her cake, and shes gonna pay for the ballons etc, She admitted she was wrong to say she wanted me to pay it all , I told her Im not made of money, and that her grandma isnt either, but between the 3 of us we can get a fairly decent party together for her, Hopefully this is the end of my dilema, I just hope that when I go to pay the deposit on Saturday, the date we require is still available, but she knows it might not be, !!!!!!

[joko]

as its a buffet, catering for 80 people is really 'guesswork'...its based on guessing what everyone will eat - an average plateful - but chances are many wont eat a thing, just as many might have seconds...it is not a set amount of food

so just go with the 80 and i'm sure everyone will get something to eat that they are happy with

if you are really worried, just take along a few more packets of crisps and nuts etc and put them on the tables...people will fill up on these too

[yecats2885]

shes 21 of course she is selfish and self centered...
put i would just pay for food for 80, and invite 90. there is always no shows or people getting too drunk to eat, i had food for 70 and invited 100, and there was loads left...

[TTG]

If you can only afford 80 and she won't contribute to allow 90 then that's that. I think at the end of the day she should appreciate that you are organising and paying for the party.

Hope you all have a great evening!