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Called them this morning and tried to close account. Rep was better at English, but problems still I'm afraid.
operative: 'I am looking at your account, please give me a minute...please give me a minute....... I have closed your account, thank you for calling Santander, I hope you enjoy the rest of your day, goodbye'
me: 'Hold on, given that the problem is that I don't have a nominated account, how do I get my money back'
operative: 'You need to go into your branch with your card and some identification, and they will give you the money'
Highly unlikely I think, given that it is an internet only account.
Thanks for the number ubasses, I tried them and got someone British - hoorah - who said it was for credit dard complaints, but tried very hard to help me nevertheless. He could not find a number in this country I could phone. He suggested writing, but I pointed out there is no address given on the internet. He looked at his files and agreed that he didn't have an address either for savings complaints or enquiries. He suggested going into the branch to see if they could help even just to give an address. I tried to get the number of my local branch from directory enquiries, but got another overseas call centre number again.
All I can think of is to approach the branch. Failing that I suppose I could just use the machine to take out £300 a day for quite a while! Let this be a warning to people reading this!