Opinions Please

[boona]

Hi all,
I havent been on here for a while but Im just wondering whether I am being mean or not. Basicially my sister is a single parent like me. I have her child to stay once a week but just today she was feeling very poorly and wanted me to have her child (Who doesnt appear ill at the moment) I have a young baby and I work part time, I said I couldnt have her child incase he had caught whatever she had and he would pass it onto us. My child has just got over a cold. My sister thinks Im being unreasonable as she says my child will pick things up in nursery anyway so whats the difference. My opinion is this - yes she will pick things up from nursery but I dont want to pass anything onto her intentionally. I am being mean or sensible?

[Mosaic]

This highlights the difficulty of relying on family for childcare - they know how to twist the knife and some don't hesitate when it suits them.
You've made a logical decision, but logic and families do not always go together.
However, she will probably find an equally 'logical' reason to return the 'favour' in the future.

[boona]

Thanks Mosaic, I think I have made the right decision but I still feel bad about not helping her.

[ljdksa]

I kind of agree with her, that colds and minor illnesses are passed on very easily anyway. I would babysit for my nieces and nephews with these sorts of things, as my sister would for me. If it was anything more serious, I'm sure she wouldn't ask you to babysit? It also sounds as though her child is healthy?
Is it more that you feel she's taking advantage of you generally?

[boona]

If it was just a cold I wouldnt be so bothered but she has a sorethroat, feels sick, weak legs etc. It could be swine flu for all we know.

[society]

In my book family come first and I ALWAYS do whatever I could to help. But, this is just me. To each their own...

How old is the child? Is s/he a well behaved child?

[sherrardk]

It's a tricky one, but if the your sister's child wasn't being sick or had a rash then she probably would have been alright with your little one (provided she/he wasn't slobbering all over your baby). Maybe your sister is feeling particulary put out if she is unwell?

[boona]

Her child is 4 and he is well behaved, my child is 1yr but she was premature (14wks early) and has a weekened immune system.

[sherrardk]

Hi boona, it's always tricky with sick kids. He everyone feels better soon.

[brenda]

I think you made the right decision , your sister should have a back up plan in place.
What would happen if for some reason you were not actually available to look after her child?

[tigwig]

I think as your baby is premature and has a weakened immune system then yes you were right to be wary and refuse to have her child. If this hadnt have been the case with your baby then I wouldnt have said this as unless your sister's child was definitely ill there is not a lot of risk of him passing an illness on that he hasnt yet got!
Do you not get help with childcare cost being single parents? It sounds like your sister could do with sorting out some professional childcare.

[boona]

Hi Tigwig, he goes to nursery 1 -6pm two afternoons a week and I normally have him on a Fri night untill about 4pm the next day.

[tigwig]

So you look after him to give her a break then or is she working nights? If she isnt working and just wants an easy night she definitely shouldnt be having a go!
Does she repay the favour for you?
Anyway I would just make it up with her and forget about it, whats done is done and if she doesnt like it its tough. Your baby comes first not hers.

[boona]

Docspoc for your information I am a widow, My husband was killed in a carcrash and never even got to see his daughter who is now 13mths old.

[boxtops]

Boona - that is sad to hear, my heart goes out to you. It just shows that people can be single for a number of reasons. I hope you sort it out with your sister ♥

[boona]

Thankyou Boxtops, I am very sad especially for my girl who will never neet her biological father. There are many reasons why people become a single parent and its not fair to label us all the same.

[ummmm]

Why do young women wear the badge "single parent" as a sign of achievement ?

Shocking statement. I do not know any single parent who wears it like a badge of achievement. I suppose we could return to the days when women put up with abuse and infidelity....just because it was the done thing..!! But then you'd be moaning that they weren't working...

What about those poor single parents whose partners walked out on them. How can single parents control that?

You are dumping everyone in the same category and I'm surprised at your lack of thought on the subject. Thought you was a bit more humane than that..!!!

Boona...sorry to hear that story.

[ttfn]

Indeed boona. Nor should we jump to conclusions, as this thread has proved. I think you are being sensible, you are making your daughter your priority, quite rightly. I join in with boxy's sentiment and wish you well ♥

[boona]

Thankyou for your replies, I am very protective and always will be over my girl. I cannot understand how any parent cannot put their children first. She is the most important in my life.

[tigwig]

Oh hun that makes me so sad. You sound like you are a great mum and your little one is very lucky to have you. I am sure you can give her all the love she needs. Take care.xxx
PS ignore doc, I am sure he feels very stupid now, its one of those foot in mouth moments but all the same he shouldnt have made assumptions.