How often should she see daddy

[carliex]

I split from my 2year olds dad when she was 10months at first he had her on a Sunday now he has her we'd night sat night Sunday day and some time he asks to have her Sunday night I hate her going so often! Also he pays 36ponds aweek maintenance but iv over heard that his family have Been telling people I have him wrapped around my little finger!! So i think he is making out that I make him have her so often when I really don't I hate it! But he makes me feel bad saying no! I never ask him for anything but I asked him the other week if he could help me buy her a bed becus I can't afford one and he can keep what ever I sell the cot for and he said no and he's told all our friends we had when we were together this and his family and now iv got people telling me people are talking saying Iv got him wrapped around my finger this really hurts me becus I'm really struggling to pay off the debt he left me in aswel as paying my bills now but no one knows this! They also think im a cow for ending it with him and nit trying for my daughter but no one knows he was cheating on me when I was pregnant becus he acts like golden boy I just don't no what to do! I don't want my whole village thinking bad of me!!

[jackthehat]

The only person you need to focus on is your daughter.
If you are struggling for the most basic of things, he needs to help you out and it doesn't matter what other folks think of you.
It's good that your daughter sees her Daddy often and, again, ignore whatever it is that you think folks may be saying.

Maintain a dignified silence and concentrate on your daughter.

[pink-kittens]

She should see her daddy as often as possible. I dont see the issue with him having her overnight on Sundays as well as Saturday night and your argument of you missing her is irrelevant as he probably misses her as well, but you see more of her than he does.
Overhearing something doesn't make it true

Are the debts in his name or joint?

What the village thinks of either of you is utterly irrelevant when it comes to the happiness of your little girl.

What is 'we'd' night?

[carliex]

Sorry wed night for tea, the debt us in my name becus he was on to much debt to hey a loan which he said he needed to get the car fixed so I took one out and gave it him becus without the car working he wasn't going to work he wouldn't get the bus! Now iv got this massive debt I can't pay, I no i have her more often than him but he does see her when he wants and iv always done that which I thought was me being really good even tho I miss her I don't stop her going but people are making out as if I'm in the wrong becus he has her so often so I'm still the bad person

[Old_Geezer]

Have to say I may not be the best person to respond because of never being in such a position, but that said, were I a dad I think I'd consider only 2 nights and 1 day a week somewhat less than the 5 nights and 6 days the child was with their mother. OK I guess you could be looking at the ratio of quality time as opposed to total time, but even so you seem to be affected more than seems appropriate to me. I suspect the financial problems are tinting your experience of it all.

But are these times not agreed anyway ? If you were not happy then how is it that it is the present arrangement ?

Personally I think £36 a week is paltry, but I guess I do not know the circumstances. As for what he says, well different folk have different viewpoints. I'd say probably best to ignore what you don't agree with. It's not as if what other hear from him matters much. If you are asked you can put your side of things to them.

No, I think your main concern if the lack of financial support. The issue of the bed for example. IT sounds bad considering he seems to want to be a part of his kids life, yet apparently not take on the responsibilities. Can you not see a solicitor, or even Citizen's Advice and check what can be done via the courts, or whatever ? Better than just letting thigns go, or having a personal blazing row.

Meanwhile try not to worry about a village taking just one person's word for something. They surely must be more intelligent than that. And getting yourself down over it will makes things seem a thousand times worse than they are.

[johnk]

Concentrate on your daughter, her well being and correct upbringing is paramount, it will be difficult enough for her at such a young age. If anyone mentions any rumours just put your side logically without getting angry. Up to about half the time is OK for him to see her.

[NOX]

Stop worrying about what other people are thinking or saying about you. It's healthy that your little girl sees her father whenever she wants to, in fact for her, the more iften the better, so reast assured that you are doing the right thing there. with regards to being worried about what other peiople think- simply don't be. Most people have lived long enough and been around enough to know that no situaiton is black and white, so you can bet that you're thinking a whole heap of things that have never even entered my head. If people are whispering in your ear idle gossip, you might want to distance yourself from them as there are a few about who delight in making bullets for other people to fire, but essentially you really don't have a problem because you are doing everything right, so stop worrying.

[Old_Geezer]

So he has lots of debt, which probably was taken into account when the maintenance payments were calculated.

So you took out a loan and got yourself in difficulties because he wouldn't take the bus. OK I'll not labour on that because it is of limited help now, but leave you to think if there is a lesson for the future there.

If you can not pay your debts you can get the lenders to cut their losses sometimes. I've not done it but I know it happens. Talk to someone with financial expertise.

Again develop an attitude that other folk's opinions are not important. You do what it right, and right for you and your child.

[pink-kittens]

No one is 'making out' you're wrong, just disagreeing with you a little. What we think is irrelevant anyway and TBH if you worried less about what others think and more about making sure your DD is happy you would be happier in yourself.
Use constructive criticism to it's largest potential and both you, your ex and most importantly your daughter will lead happy lives
GL

[bednobs]

TBH i dont think that 2 nights a week and one day is a lot - can you imagine how you's feel if you only saw her for that long? While i agree that £35 seem low, there are times in the week that you don't have to feed her etc

[puma86]

I think you're very lucky to have her Dad want to see her so often. Many women don't and spend alot of wasted time chasing their childs father getting no where.
I'm sure it is hard having to 'pass' her back and forth so much and i'm sure you do miss her. But, bit selfish don't you think!? Like bednobs said, how would you feel if the 'shoe was on the other foot'. You don't really have more right to see your daughter then he does and vice versa.

Stuff what anyone else thinks or says about you. In the grand scheme of things it really doesn't matter does it!? It's not the school play ground anymore so don't let it affect your life so much. besides you did the right thing finishing the relationship if it wasn't working regadless of children involved.

Make the most of the 'you time' that you get when your daughter stays with her Dad. see friends, have a lie-in, candlelit bath with the radio on followed by a glass of vino with your feet up - i have my glass of wine in the bath, personal preference :o) -. Try not to dwell on it.

GL