child support

[H.Wilkinson]

My husband has two teenage children from his first marriage. We are expecting our first baby in eight weeks. For the last six and a half years we have paid his ex wife a considerable amount of child support which they agreed between them. The figure is probably higher than the CSA would have calculated. We have a great relationship with the children and obviously my husband has never wanted to shirk his responsibilities as a father - which I have supported. The seventeen year old has gone on to 6th form and the other child leaves school this year - he is undecided as to what to do. Do you think it would be unreasonable if we contacted the ex wife and discussed reducing the payments once our baby is born? I will be taking nine months off work (I'm a teacher) and the last three months of that time I will not receive a penny. I don't want to cause trouble or stir things up. His ex wife received the house etc and did not suffer financially because of the divorce. She has a long term partner and appears to have a nice lifestyle. It works out we pay �75 per week per child at the moment. Do you think I am being unreasonable? Does anyone know the going rate for teenagers!! Thank you. p.s. please don't think I am trying to get out of paying child support - that is certainly not the case!

[Maggie-Mae]

Hi - I certainly dont think its unreasonable to contact your husbands ex to review the maintenance payments.  I would say (though obviously the CSA base any payments on your income) that �150 a week for two children is excessive unless your millionaires, of course.  I have two sons (13 and 11) and my ex partner pays �175 a month. The CSA had asked him to pay nearly �225 plus arrears every month but I thought this was an unreasonable amount so I contacted him direct (even though we dont really get on) and we agreed a suitable amount between ourselves although he still pays it through the CSA.  I dont agree with "milking people dry" for unreasonable amounts of money.  Yes, your husband should show responsibility for the two children but there is a limit.  You must be paying nearly �600 a month in maintenance and I do think thats excessive. If you dont want to go through the CSA (as they are very slow) then perhaps you could try a mediator, maybe the Citizens Advice Bureau could help.  Theres also the fact that as these teenagers are quite capable of taking part time jobs and contributing towards their mothers housekeeping themselves.  I hope that your husbands ex is a reasonable person and you can sort this out without too much hassle.  Good luck and congratulations in advance for your baby.

[Gem123]

doesnt child support stop at 16 any way?

[H.Wilkinson]

Hello In A Pickle (!), I also have concerns about the "can of worms" situation. The children have to be supported whilst they are in full time education. It doesn't automatically stop when they reach 16. As I have said, I am absolutely committed to us supporting the children it is just getting to the point where I am beginning to question where our money actually goes. The eldest child has a part time job and earns �180 per month of her own! We have even discussed that if child number 2 leaves school and begins a low paid apprentice scheme we would be willing to make his wages up a little bit with some "pocket money"! Its just difficult when you see ex wife (of several years I hasten to add) driving round in new car etc etc. I don't want to sound bitter, at the end of the day I have a wonderful husband and a great life and a new baby to look forward to in a few weeks time - plus two step children I love and get on with - but just when does enough become enough. I feel we more than take care of the children, we see them several times a week, they come up for meals etc etc. Its a difficult one because I don't want any trouble but our circumstances are about to change and �600+ per month is a lot of money at the end of the day! Sorry for going on...as you have said, its something we will have to discuss and decide whether it is worth opening a can of worms. She is not a reasonable person. What ever we decide you can bet your bottom dollar it will cause friction. Child support is one thing. Ex wife support is something entirely different.

[padders]

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all.  Your circumstances are changing and the kids are at an age now where they should be earning at least a little bit of part-time money of their own to help out.  The ex-wife probably wont like it but she's had it easy for too long.  If she went to the CSA, she wouldn't get any amount near what you're paying now.  As you say, and this is what people forget, you feed and entertain them whilst they are with you as well.  Just be diplomatic and pick a good moment.

[josieann]

I think you have been wonderful but it is now time for you and your family.  If you went to court the shheer fact that they are getting income and that she is wel of would go in your favour they would certainly take into consideration income of the both families.  Any way why dont you discuss it first with the sons they are nearly adults and come to a figure to give direct to them and then they can pass on to their mother what she thinks  is reasonable to keep them.  They are probably also receiving Educational allowance for staying on at school.  I dont htink they will go without.  

[H.Wilkinson]

Thank you for your supportive comments. I certainly feel we are doing our best for the children - I just know there is going to be trouble one way or another and needed to get a few facts and opinions before I take the bull by the horns! All I want is quiet life ( and fair ) life......!! Thanks again. :)

[Doll]

I would get your husband to contact the CSA and ask what they think. If you have regular contact with the children I can't see why you should be paying that much anyway, its not as if they go without and I expect you spend a fortune on them as well as the CSA money. I would tell them that you are expecting a child soon and how are you expected to support your child as well. Your child is just as important as the other two - plus they are older and one is working part time. How much of the CSA money goes to the ex and is it spent on the children? if the ex is a resonable woman talk to her about it but if not contact CSA or Benefits and ask them. Good luck with your baby - I wish you all the best.

[purplefish]

I don't think you're being unreasonable, as maggie-mae said earlier the children should be capable of getting part time jobs. As josieann says the eldest child could also qualify for education maintenance allowance which most teenagers get for staying in education after they are 16 (until they're 18 I think) the going rate is �30 a week plus bonuses 2 or 3 times a year (about �100 each time) it is based on income but would be of some help.
Hope it all goes well and good luck with the new baby :o)