i feel awful...

[leanne_1987]

my daughter is 3 and half but an extemely fussy eater, today i did rice and chicken for tea and sat at the table to eat it with her, she sat and refused out right crying in the end after 45 mins i said have one mouthful and you can get down from the table, so that is what she did, shes ust had a bath and got out asking for cake i told her no and that she could have porridge for supper but she refused and cried herself to sleep... i really cant take it anymore, i dont know what to do, somedays all she eats is dry bread and a few grapes.. shes loosing weight and i've been to doctors and seen the health visitor with no help!

[boxtops]

What does she like? I have heard that the important thing is not to pressure her to eat - but equally not to let her run around while others are eating, she needs to sit at the table. I wonder if she feels under pressure and therefore is resisting. What would she eat, given the cho

[cazzz1975]

does she eat sweets or other junk?

if yes then you may have to ban them all out of the house, she will initially put up a fight but if there is only good food in the house she will eventually start to eat.

what did the doctors say?

[boxtops]

choice? Not that I'd approve of everyone having different meals but.... did he have anything at lunchtime?

[Carakeel]

You might also try to let her help with preparing food. Kids often love to be involved and this may just entice her to eat what she has helped to prepare. Just be patient with her and maybe let her put together some foods that she likes at first, then gradually introduce other foods. Make preparing the food exciting, i.e. use the food to make faces on her plate. and make a story up with her to go along with what you are doing. I know this sounds a bit elaborate, but if she learns to enjoy handling food, you stand a better chance that she will eat it. There are loads of games you can play using food that will encourage the child to eat it. Have a go and see if it helps. Just do not punish her or tell her off as you need food to become a good experience. Hope this helps. Best wishes.

[leanne_1987]

all she will eat is mash potatoes, dry bread or toast with tomatoe sauce, fruit, cereal, spaghetti, hotdogs, sausages and noodles, sometimes chicken and rice but she also drinks alot of water and uice, she doesnt really eat sweets or crisps etc maybe 3 times a week and then wont even finish a small bar or bag of crisps, i've done what the health visitor says and make her sit at table and leave the food for half an hour before taking it away.
today for breakast she had 3 sppon fulls of cereal and for dinner a bit of spaghetti! shes gets worried when i put more than one food on her plate so have started putting them on different plates so they dont get mixed together, still didnt work? She also has a phobia of having a poo on the toilet, she has been weeing on the toilet since she was 1 and half but willnot poo on toilet or potty she comes running up to me scared asking me to put nappy on then she wil run away an have one and wont come back until she wants me to change it.. i was thinking she is not eating as she is scared of pooing but health visitor says to leave her and take nappies away... i've triedthis and she stopped going for a week and was soo constipated, so its scared her even more

[carmalee]

why not make a list of her favourite healthy foods and let her make a choice - but be firm with the choice only coming from the list. Have to say the mantra in my house was 'you have two choices for dinner - take it or leave it' - it worked with mine but they came in absolutely starving at mealtimes cos there was also strict 'no eating between meals' policy in force.

[boxtops]

Oh, that is sad - perhaps she has had a painful experience when pooing and that is what is putting her off. Yes, perhaps she associates food with poo.

Is she receptive to the idea of being a big girl and not being able to wear nappies any more? If you got rid of the nappies (or hid them) then you couldn't comply with this. Can you make having a poo a game? Does she ever see you or her dad on the loo (no, I know not many people do!) but if she saw you going, she's feel it was normal. The constipation can't have helped, that would have hurt when she did go. I feel sorry for both of you!

[cazzz1975]

do you think she might be picking up on your anxiety? I hope its just a phase she is going through, does she go to nursery?

[ummmm]

At that age my daughter basically ate ham, cucumber, bread, potatoes and yoghurt. And only drank milk.

That was it...

[carmalee]

If it were me I'd put her back in nappies full time until she relaxes about the whole thing - you chill out too leanne, by the time she's 16 she will be potty trained! I'm not being flippant but it sounds as though she's got some issues and isn't ready just yet to use the lavatory. Is she distressed when she has a nappy on?

[rowanwitch]

magic food and magic poo..... friend came up with this edible glitter (not the sugar type which dissolves) sprinkled onto the food and by eating the food she will do fairy poo which sparkles if you shine a torch on it but she needs to know that fairies only poo in a potty

[Maydup]

Leanne - I think you need some additional support here. Your little one is not just a fussy eater but has a bit of a phobia about poo which seems to be at the root of her not eating.

I'd pop along to the GP and explain the situation and ask if he/she can refer you to someone who can help her overcome this situation.

The health visitor is offering all the usual advice, but i think its a slightly out of the ordinary situation. Must be very distressing for you and so hard to know what to do for the best.

[Eve]

There were a couple of fussy eaters on Jo Frost (Supernanny)'s Extreme Parenting. Some of the ideas from that might help?

[leanne_1987]

i'm a single mum and hse follows me everywere..yes even to the toilet, we've tried the reward charts and me sitting her on toilet reading to her or playing games, she knows big girls go to toilet... shes very forward for her age and understands alot! She ust wont do it! Ive even tried the bribing saying santa wont bring presents if your still in nappies and she said thats ok i wont have any presents then.. asked her to look threw argos book and see what she would like for xmas and she said 'remember i dont want anything for xmas mummy i ust would like to keep my nappies' i had tears in my eyes when she said that, she gets worried and starts begging me to buy nappies when shes running low, the health visitor came to do her 3 and half year check last week and said i have to get rid and after she went Ruby was in a state and cried herself to sleep. I think the problem of not eating comes from knowing it wil make her need a poo. I read somewere before that a child had to go see someone to help with their fear and phobia but the docs and health visitor wont seem to listen they are ful of things i should try but i really think i've tried it all. She does go to nursery part time and hasnt had the problem of needing a poo there yet!

[DTCwordfan]

mine lived on a diet of spaghetti and butter, Kraft Macaroni cheese graduating to Dads Mac Cheese, black olives and shrimp and rice at that age. Fruit - watermelon or grapes. Drinks pretty good on juices - milk/chocmilk and one on tea.

You can't force them, just work with them and involving them in the decisions and even the cooking is important.

Later on, when it came to junk food, choice was once a week.

It sounds like you may have a solid poop issue as boxtops has said.....some gentle coaxing and ensuring that she is soft will help this.

[lcg]

sounds like you've helped to make a rod for your own back. the more you pander to her, the more she will use it to get her own way. i would not give in, either with food or nappies and nature will take it's course...she will eat when she gets hungry enough and poo eventually. if you continue to express worry in front of her and she sees your distress, it will give her negative reinforcement of the behaviour and attention. you have to assert your authority in a different way and let her know who's boss. children should not control parent's lives - you have to be firm, consistent and make them aware of the 'rules' and kids will comply.

before i get any flak for my opinion (and that's all it is - you can try it or not) my son tried this when he was a toddler and when i put my foot down, made no issue of his behaviour and withdrew attention from him, he soon changed his tune. since then, he has eaten like a dustbin, is very respectful and polite and is able to make his own sensible informed choices due to the structure he had growing up. i think society these days pressures parents to be soft and glorifies children to some degree. good, basic parenting is sadly lacking, leading to the lovely darlings that now smash up the capital, stab and shoot people and think they are owed a living (that's also a general statement and not aimed at leanne specifically) x

[leanne_1987]

she doesnt need a nappy for weeing in, she doesnt like it being wet and has never had a problem weeing on the toilet or potty, shes even dry at night and wakes to go on her own, whats edible glitter for food i think i will give that a try, infact i will try anything, i have the health visitor coming around again thursday but i suspect i will be fobbed off as to she wants a nappy as i will give in, this isnt the case ive tried over and over with no sucess

[Prudie]

My daughter also lived on cereal, spaghetti with cheese sauce, chunky chicken and rice and only drank milk until she was at least 13 and I also worried but as you can see fussy eaters are quite common. As has been said she may be picking up on your anxiety. Try to be less anxious about it yourself. She won't let herself starve. If food becomes less of an issue for you both then the pooping etc might sort itself out.

[boxtops]

As your GP if there is a chance of referral to a child psychologist - and don't forget your health visitor may not have come across this behaviour before, it depends how experienced she is. There is nothing wrong in asking the GP for some help,now this is stressing out both of you so much.

[leanne_1987]

oh shes already on 2 different medicines to help her poo and shes also on iron as she anemic