Another Weird Moment From Sleepy Joe...
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No best answer has yet been selected by gingerflaps. Once a best answer has been selected, it will be shown here.
For more on marking an answer as the "Best Answer", please visit our FAQ.No matter what your feelings are try to bear in mind that your Mum and Stepdad are excited about this. Also that the baby will probably want to have a good relationship with her Dad - even is your brother and this girl don't stay together. From what you say about his current lifestyle it does sound as though becoming a Dad is going to be a massive shock to his system. He might well need your love and support. Being less than supportive now could damage that.
As the previous answer said - an awful lot of people have someone other than the parents care for the child at some point, be it a nursery, a childminder or a relative. Doing this does not mean that you aren't a proper mum or dad. Whatever you do try not to tell your brother or his girlfriend that you don't think they'll be proper parents. They must be daunted enough as it is without anyone making it worse.
You said 'this girl has got him stuck' - I think that's really unfair. They are both adults and had equal contraceptive responsibility. I know the ideal is that every pregnancy is planned and fully wanted but we both know that is far from the case. If there are differing views on whether or not to proceed with a pregnancy then the decision has, in my view, to go to the woman. She has to carry the baby and in all likelihood take on the burden of care. Do you think your brother should have had the right to force her to have an abortion? Surely not.
Greenbhoy and DavidUK. I think you are both being a bit harsh. Ggingerflaps is clearly still grieving for her own lost baby and this situation has confused her. I am sure that once she has followed the excellent advice given by other ABers she will realise that she had things a bit out of proportion.
Ginger, I had a miscarriage many years ago and I still get sad sometimes when I think of what might have been, but it does get easier, I promise. At first I couldn't even hold babies that colleagues brought into work as it hurt too much. Now, I'm more than happy to babysit for friends and family and can smile when I see other couples with their newborns.
If you can get some help as Lilibet suggests, then it will do you the world of good. If you can't find anyone in the yellow pages, ask the Nurse at your GP for some information, or contact Cruse - I'm sure that they have a support group for people who've lost children as well as for widows and widowers.
Gingerflaps - I can't really add much else to the more sympathetic posts, exept to say that I do understand how you must be feeing about having had a miscarriage. I know because I've been through it myself, but went on to have our second child. I'm sure one day, that you will have a little family of your own to love & that your sadness will fade into the background.
I can also tell you that as a Grandmother to 3 girls & 1 boy, ranging from 15 yrs to 2 yrs, they are all very special to me & my husband.
There are no favourites, they have their own little characters & give us so much pleasure. We love them all the same - first to last!
I had to do what I did because I knew that if I didn't keep going and just say, 'oh I will finish my studies when the kids are older' I knew that I probably wouldn't. I would end up with no qualifications and I might even blame the children for holding me back which of course would not have been their fault at all. Mydaughter doesn't really remember me not being a stay at home mum and we have a wonderful relationship now. In fact I home school all the kids and am with them 24/7 and we love this life style. But the point is that I have a trade, I have a means by which I can support myself shoudl the worst happen to Mr T and also I am an example to my children of not being a quitter.
Maybe your feelings towards your brother and his girlfriend are more to do with your jealousy of not having a baby when you think you should, and less to do with the wellfare of the baby. Many Many children have working parents, and are none the worse for it. because your brother's girlfriend is at uni doesn't mean she is going to be a rubbish parent. continued
I think you must remember that there are many different family dynamics around the world, and there is no such thing as a 'proper' mum. I would hate to thiniik that anyone would be putting pressure on this girl to have a termination. It is no one's choice but her's and your brother's. I think they could do with some support and love, rather than the condemnation they seem to be getting.
Remember above all, do not punish her for being pregnant when you aren't. Your time will come. Miscarriage is a cruel, cruel thing I know how you feel; but being angry with others won't bring your baby back. Your time will come, I'm sure.
be kind to yourself.
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