lending your offspring money and getting it back...?

joko | 19:32 Fri 14th Oct 2011 | Parenting

29 Answers

just curious really, but for the parents, if your adult children borrow money from you...not massive amounts, say from £30-50...do you expect it back?

would you loan it knowing you wouldnt get it back?
or do you always make sure its repaid?
do you let them pay back if they can?
or do you keep asking?

do you see it as just one of those things parents do, or do you think a debt is a debt...

(this is really just for general borrowing - NOT if you have a child with 'issues' or there is some kind of history of borrowing, stealing drugs etc)

cheers

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jno

if it's specified as a loan, I guess I'd expect it back. But mostly it isn't. jno jnr's going to inherit it all anyway, so why bother.

China Doll

Dad would not expect it back but I would give it to him anyway. Mum would want the money back.

sherrardk

Boy #1 (11 years old) occasionally borrows money (up to about £30 - for x-box games) and he always pays it back.

boxtops

If they were earning, I'd expect it back - but I'm funny like that, I hate owing money to friends. I'll pay back 1p if I owe it to someone.

flobadob

Even though it depends on circumstances, I'd say if you can afford to let it go, then let it go. Of course, the upside of that is that if you ever ask them for a wee lend then they will find it hard to ask for it back. So, yay, everybody loses.

Anngel123

We used to have a book. Write what they have borrowed. Write when they have paid it back.. Up to you. Are you rich enough to sub them all the time? Personally, I think it is important for them to live within their means. The other question is why are they borrowing it? If it is just for going out and enjoying themselves you have to ask "how are they going to learn the value of money?"

erin-x

I never borrow money from my mum or dad unless we are out and I don't have any money with me and I want to buy something. Most of the time it gets settled by me paying for something for them. We rarely exchange cash or anything. Never have done.. I never even really used to get pocket money when I think about it lol.

4getmenot

i always pay back, but usually when i give it back mum or dad have forgotten i borrowed it

cathfromsaron

if i lent money i would expect it back BUT if i *gave* money ... that's different. (but i have lent money of 'the drip' and got it back so slowly it was pointless!)

BUT how will they learn budgeting if we bail them out all the time?

joko

Question Author

like i said i dont mean constantly dishing it out, i just mean occasionally if needed....so its not really about a lesson in budgeting, just sometimes you fall short...
and i am talking about ADULTS

i would not dream of asking my parents for a loan to go out, (unless it was something like a wedding and i had to go)
i only ever ask if i really need it, such as to pay a bill or need to travel and havent enough for the ticket, say for a job interview or something

however they would not ever take it back off me...my dad in particular would actually be offended if i offered... he even moans if we spend too much of xmas presents etc...( though hed moan if we didnt get him anything haha)

if i borrowed hundred etc then id pay it back though...at least id try.

i understand for kids its important to teach them about life and money etc so even though you may not care or want the cash back, its ok to let them pay it back...though i dont think id take £30 off an 11 year old...or if i did, to teach, id give it back somehow.

xLilacFairyx

On the flip side. I have loaned more money to my mum than I can shake a stick at, and sometimes...well most of the time, TBH never seen it back, and it was a"loan" to begin with that quickly got "forgotten"......I wouldn't ever ask for it back now, and as you say, no I wouldn't keep asking, some people are just like that, and the more you give...........

sherrardk

Hi joko - boy #1 gets £5.50 a week pocket money (in this house, you get 50p a week for every year of your age). If he wants to spend his money on x box games (at £30 - £40 each), that's up to him. Being 11 he is not very good at thinking ahead, so occasionally a game will come out when he doesn't have the money and I will lend it to him. If he goes out with his friends, I give him the money to go.

ladybirder

My mother always expected and got every penny back that I ever borrowed from her when I was a teenager. My children always pay me back as well. If it's a large amount, say a couple of thousand, we agree a payment plan and I have never been let down yet.

jno

I can't really see an adult child borrowing £30. More likely to want either to have a tenner for a pizza, or at the other end of the scale help in purchasing a car or house.

LoftyLottie

My son will, say borrow £10.00, if he needs some cash and finds he hasn't got any if we are out, but always pays it back and I expect him to. And likewise the other way round. Swings and roundabouts. Yes I think a debt is a debt.

But then he seems to be better off than I am these days!!

In fact I treat him no differently from anybody else I might lend money to if they needed it in that sort of situation.

LoftyLottie

And the same as Ladybirder with regards to large amounts. Of course, if hard times hit I would be flexible with repayments of large amounts.

LoftyLottie

My son never got pocket money when he was young. He went to boarding school at 11 and he got the recommended pocket money of about £5.00 per month!! I just gave him money when he needed it for something like going out. I didn't just dish it out! As soon as he reached sixteen he found himself a Saturday job and worked in his sixth form college/university holidays.

ummmm

I would expect it back. I'd be willing to wait for it....but I'd expect it to be repaid.

I've never borrowed money off my parents.

(I did borrow money off my grandad to buy a house....but a repayment plan was put in place before he gave me the money)

Andyvon

Hi Joko,

I've always stuck to the rule that you should never lend money - especially amongst friends and family members. It's one thing to GIVE money as a gift without the expectation of seeing it again, but it's another to LEND money in the expectation it will be repaid.

My step-daughter 'S' knows how to twist me around her little finger. Although she's my step-daughter I treat 'S' as if she were my own. The only promise I've ever broken to my wife is not to give S any money but I often slip 'S' £10 or £20 and say "Don't tell your mother". My wife knows I do that I think. When 'S' needs something I'll either buy it for her or give her the money on the understanding I don't want to see it again. That way she doesn't feel she owes me anything. If 'S' asked to borrow money and insisted on repaying it I would tell her to go to a bank. They specialise in lending money and expecting it back - and everyone knows how fond people are of banks!

I would say Joko that if 'S' wanted £30-£50 I would just give it to her. If I couldn't afford it I would tell her that. I would then tell 'S' that she had to go to a bank and as 'S' doesn't have a bank account so she would have to go without.

Lending money amongst family and friends is not a good idea. If you can't afford to give the money as a gift on the understanding that you don't want to hear of it again, then don't give any at all. After all Joko, you aren't a bank or accredited money lender. If a bank (with their billions of pounds of capital) won't touch someone on the basis they won't get their money back - then why should little old you?! It's a risk to lend money to your children - we all know how people regard banks! Either give them the money as a gift or tell them you aren't a bank.

All the best.